The Corker Kickback, Pruitt Paranoia, CDC Censorship, & Other Madness (Ferret/ShowerCap)
Hello friends...as always, the post might make a bit more sense with all the links available on my site...click here: http://showercapblog.com/corker-kickback-pruitt-paranoia/
I know I say that Shit Be Cray all the time, but I ask you...with a historically unpopular GOP on the brink of passing a historically unpopular tax bill on behalf of a so-historically-unpopular-we'd-rather-have-Ebola President, can you honestly claim we're living in rational times?
The week's big news could be titled...ATLAS FLUSHED. Yes it seems Paul Ryan, his foot never far from the working class' neck, is finally ready to stomp and walk away.
Word is, once his Paying Poor People For Work Was A Mistake in the First Place, So Let's See What We Can Do About That bill passes, he will gaze out upon his country, at the millions whose path out of poverty he's just walled off, and say "My work here is done! Yea, though the social safety net was my own ladder to success, finally have I set that ladder ablaze! I've got mine, bitches!" and then he can drift away to spend the money he just redistributed to himself.
Ryan'll probably build a giant hedge maze, where he'll spend his leisure time pitting working single mothers against one another in races to the death, with life-saving medicine for their children as the prize.
WaPo dropped a hilariously depressing deep dive into how the Accidental Poosquirt's fragile ego prevents the nation from addressing Russian interference in our democracy, and thus from subverting future attacks.
Oh, what wondrous times we live in, where the crippling insecurities of one inadequately-digited buffoon threaten the safety of an entire nation! Excuse me, I need to spike my eggnog with something a little stronger. Like maybe ether.
Anyhow, the article goes on to talk about how pleased Vlad Putin is with fucking America up via getting a Rancid Chef Boyardee Ravioli elected President, and also how SCROTUS' intelligence briefers distract him with hand puppets and Arby's sliders when discussing Russia, so as to avoid a tantrum.
And everybody's talking about the hot new YouTube star, judge wannabe Matthew Peterson, nominated for a lifetime appointment by the cud-brained morons running our government. The video's really somethin', folks. Increasingly dismayed Senators cycle through the most basic legal questions they can think to ask, stuff a first year law student or even a zealous Sam Waterston fan could handle, and young Matt can't answer a single one. Take the following exchange:
Sen. John Kennedy: "Could you, if pressured, locate your own dick?"
Peterson: "No, sir."
K: "What if you had a map? Could you find your own dick with a map?"
P: "That's really not something I've been called on to do in my current post, Senator."
Betsy DeVos' Secret Santa got her a couple of shiny new lawsuits, yay! The DeVostator cannot be pestered to do her job, you peons! So what if you were defrauded by a predatory, phony, for-profit, "university?" How's an unqualified rich lady supposed to advance God's kingdom with all these whiny takers nipping at her (thousand-dollar) heels?
Having been thoroughly humiliated at the hands of minority voters in Alabama earlier this week, the Shart House announced their plans to turn around their colossally, historically, like-the-lead-singer-of-Nickleback-driving-an-Edsel-full-of-New-Coke approval numbers by...demonizing minorities! More than usual. On purpose. Because strategy.
President Skidmark didn't hesitate to do his part; when it comes to stirring up the petty fears and hatreds of shitty white people, well, business and pleasure overlap. The world sends America only their worst, he bellowed, the thieves and murderers, gang members and Dane Cook fans.
The Festering Hemorrhoid threw in a casual line about maybe pardoning Mike "The Turkish Delight" Flynn, because who doesn't like witness tampering, and also I guess 'cuz no one around him has bothered to sit him down and define "obstruction of justice" with any clarity.
Anyway, while Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot bellows about foreigners, American terrorists keep stubbornly insisting on being pro-Trump white supremacist losers, like the kid who shot up a school in New Mexico last week. How you can claim to be part of a master race when you still live with your parents escapes me.
And to think, some are claiming racism was a factor in Drumpf's election.
Roy Moore still won't concede the Alabama Senate race, lurking outside the courthouse like...well, like Younger Roy Moore trolling for the vulnerable children of divorcing parents.
The Washington Post reminded us that the federal government has essentially abandoned the people of Puerto Rico to suffer without power, because their skin is brown and their President is a raging racist shitbag. No jokes in this paragraph, because nothing's funny.
Hey, Scott Pruitt has been putting your taxpayer cash to good use, paying an opposition research firm to root out dirty deep state gremlins in the EPA. Who's he after? Filthy Resisters with traitorous beliefs like "the environment should be protected, and probably by us, what with the name of our agency and all."
I'll bet ya a shiny new dime Pruitt's gone full Howard Hughes in that soundproof wankoff booth of his. Sits in there is a pool of his own filth, screaming at the voices in his head telling him to recycle stuff, like a common libtard cuck.
The dude responsible for the FCC's repeal of net neutrality rules had amusing little troll at the expense of the overwhelming majority of Americans who opposed the move, engaging in an outdated fad dance alongside a known pizzagate conspiracy theorist.
Have your fun, bro. The net neutrality decision will send millions to the polls, and your life's work, as a willing toady of ISP megacorporations, will be undone forever by February 2021.
Princess Ivanka, chased out of most retail outlets by a wave of American decency, opened up a shop of her own in Daddy's building, where she'll have better access to her target audience; those desperate to bribe her infinitely bribable father.
Oh, and the Drumpf family doesn't even know how to vote. I swear, these people must be so inspirational to the dumb and angry. You too, can do anything you want, even become President, in spite of what ought to be debilitating mental deficiencies...so long as your father is rich enough.
The GOP finally congealed like so much Hamburger Helper grease around their Who Will Think of the Already Obscenely Wealthy tax reform bill, but the road to passage has not lacked for drama.
Marco Rubio stood briefly in the road to say "Halt! Gentleman and Barely-Tolerated Token Ladies of the GOP! What about the CHILDREN? Surely as we shovel untold millions into our aristocrat masters' pockets, we can carve out some savings for the poor, trod-upon, working folk and their children? You shall not have my vote without it!"
And John Cornyn said, "Eh, let's give 'em enough for one tank of gas per month," and Marco said "Good enough for me!"
Meanwhile CHIP remains unrenewed, with funding running out in some states beginning in January, in spite of the efforts of that Mighty Champion of Children, Senator Rubio.
Bob Corker, too, stood astride the Road to Passage, and said "I will not vote for this bill, for it violates my deepest-held, my most sacred principles, and if a man holds not to his principles...can you call him a man?"
Then, in return for precisely jack shit, Corker proclaimed "Just kidding! Voting for it after all!" Any future monuments to Senator Corker should be unusually flimsy weathervanes.
Well, maybe I shouldn't say Bob didn't get ANYTHING, he seems to be one of the many GOP CongressGrifters to benefit personally from a last-minute provision in their "reform" bill. But all that shit about deficits? Yeah, that was as disappointingly hollow as that gigantic chocolate bunny your parents got you for Easter.
If you need a port in the shitstorm, at least we won another one in court. Despite the best efforts of the President of the United States, women can still get birth control, whether or not their employer thinks they are dirty hos for wanting it.
The President broke precedent and refused to extend the ACA enrollment deadline, because he doesn't want Americans to have health care. HA HA HA CAP WHAT A FUNNY JOKE WHY WOULD THE PRESIDENT WANT HIS CONSTITUENTS TO DIE THAT IS SILLY.
Yep. Hilarious.
Going for a corner space in Authoritarian Tic-Tac-Toe, the Shart administration issued the CDC a list of verboten words, like "transgender," "diversity" and "science-based." My sources inform me this is a trial balloon for future Orwellian bans on words and phrases like "Impeachment," "Emoluments Clause," and "Holy shit the President's ass looks like Moby Dick in those golf pants."
Saturday evening, word leaked that Righteous Robert Mueller had gained access to all of Team Shart's emails from the transition (this in addition to seeking communications from Cambridge Analytica), even the ones where Jared begs Ivanka to please please touch his wiener, just a little bit, it's been so very long and it's his birthday and you promised, goddammit.
Now, the Shartkins had turned over a handful of transition e-mails previously, but did not seem pleased to learn the investigation had ALL of them, especially after so many high ranking officials have testified under oath, and thus likely perjured themselves.
They claimed executive privilege, which of course they didn't have, this being the transition, not the administration. Oh, and the e-mails in question were sent from .gov addresses, which come with a big fat warning that says they're government records and therefore no right to privacy can be expected. Still, they're crying that SOMETHING illegal happened, and hey, Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro will be all too happy to parrot the lie.
And I see Treasury Secretary Mnuchin popped up on the Sunday Shoz to lie about some stuff. The tax bill raises taxes on the wealthy, and the Mueller probe will end soon, and the next Transformers movie will win Best Picture. He's a real cut-up, that Mnuchbag.
Also, it seems like Sharty McFly and Uncle Vlad are closer than ever! They talk on the phone all the time now, gossiping about who gets to sit next to them at the next international summit, and Angela Merkel's terrible shoes.
Interesting times, Resisters. Hey, if you've read this far, I hope you'll click here and join me in signing up for updates from the Mueller Firing Rapid Response team. I hope it won't be necessary, but...let's be ready just in case.
= new reply since forum marked as read
President Skidmark....
Maybe those crazed Republicans don't have a roadmap, but We Do! It's you........thank gawd for you.
It was a glad day when you found DU.
Have taken a long hiatus from FB.
NOPE
Another stellar performance from
TheFerret!!
Many thanks, as ever! 
Rec
but to me, this is the best:
Going for a corner space in Authoritarian Tic-Tac-Toe, the Shart administration issued the CDC a list of verboten words, like "transgender," "diversity" and "science-based." My sources inform me this is a trial balloon for future Orwellian bans on words and phrases like "Impeachment," "Emoluments Clause," and "Holy shit the President's ass looks like Moby Dick in those golf pants."
