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Fri Oct 31, 2014, 03:02 PM

Kochs Approve Plan to Fire Cash from Cannon at Voters

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The billionaire Koch brothers have approved a controversial plan to shoot cash from cannons directly at voters heading into polling places on Election Day.

The plan, which Koch insiders have privately referred to as Operation Money Shot, would distribute as much as seventy million dollars in small bills in the hopes of seizing Republican control of the United States Senate next Tuesday.

While most state laws prohibit electioneering within a hundred feet of polling places, the Koch plan craftily skirts that restriction by using high-powered cash cannons, similar to the T-shirt cannons used in sports arenas, which have a range of up to a hundred and fifty feet.

According to a spokesman for the Kochs, “Under the law, corporations are considered people, and people have always had the right to fire money from cannons at other people.”

When news of Operation Money Shot reached Democratic circles several weeks ago, there were howls of protest and threats of a legal challenge, as Democratic leaders complained that firing cash directly at voters about to cast their ballots would be a subversion of the election process.

But the Supreme Court upheld the Koch brothers’ plan by a five-to-four vote on Thursday, arguing that spending money on elections was protected by the First Amendment, and that using a cannon was protected by the Second.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/kochs-approve-plan-fire-cash-cannon-voters?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=borowitz&mbid=nl_Borowitz+%28131%29&CUST_ID&spMailingID=7249250&spUserID=MjczNzc1MzU1NjIS1&spJobID=543390433&spReportId=NTQzMzkwNDMzS0



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Reply Kochs Approve Plan to Fire Cash from Cannon at Voters (Original post)
pbmus Oct 2014 OP
Judi Lynn Oct 2014 #1
rurallib Oct 2014 #2
adirondacker Oct 2014 #3
LineNew Reply ,
blkmusclmachine Oct 2014 #4
n2doc Oct 2014 #5
pscot Oct 2014 #6
Midnight Writer Nov 2014 #7

Response to pbmus (Original post)

Fri Oct 31, 2014, 03:33 PM

1. Good one, pbmus! n/t

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Response to pbmus (Original post)

Fri Oct 31, 2014, 04:01 PM

2. But what proof will they have that the voters did vote for Republicans?

not a foolproof plan.

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Response to pbmus (Original post)

Fri Oct 31, 2014, 04:18 PM

3. LMAO!

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Response to pbmus (Original post)

Fri Oct 31, 2014, 04:21 PM

4. ,

 

,

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Response to pbmus (Original post)

Fri Oct 31, 2014, 05:41 PM

5. That would certainly do more good than their real plan n/t

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Response to pbmus (Original post)

Fri Oct 31, 2014, 07:20 PM

6. Genius

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Response to pbmus (Original post)

Sat Nov 1, 2014, 01:49 AM

7. I'll be there, take their cash and vote D

As Molly Ivins quoted a Texas legislator, "If you can't take their money, drink their whiskey, screw their women and still vote against them, you don't belong in politics".

I suspect the Koch's are being royally screw on at least one front, and that is by professional political operatives (see Karl Rove) who are laughing all the way to the bank.

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