I'm Afraid My Neighbors Will Call Cops if My Kids Walk Alone

[Jilly_in_VA]

Bonnie Kristian


How old should kids be before they can play unsupervised in a public park?

My current answer, for my kids, is 5. We live just three blocks from a busy park in a safe, walkable neighborhood with lots of eyes on the street, and by the time my twins are 5 (in the summer of 2024), I think they’ll be amply capable of walking to the park and playing without my supervision.

But most American parents don’t agree.

On average, “parents say children should be at least 10 years old to play unsupervised in their own front yard, 12 years old to stay home alone for an hour, and 14 to be unsupervised at a public park,” Arthur Brooks wrote this month in a column for The Atlantic, in which he urged against “teach[ing] your kids to fear the world.”

Brooks’ advice is wise, and I hope I’m following it. But I’m still worried about letting our kids take that walk once they’re old enough to do it—not because I’m afraid they’ll be kidnapped, but because I wonder if someone more paranoid than me will call the cops.

This isn’t a groundless concern. Parents in America can and occasionally do get in legal trouble for giving their children very small amounts of public freedom. In November of 2020, for example, a mother in Arizona was arrested for child endangerment because she let her 7-year-old and a 5-year-old friend stay at a playground while she ran to a nearby grocery store to get one thing.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/im-afraid-my-neighbors-will-call-police-if-my-kids-walk-alone-to-the-park?ref=home

This has absolutely gotten out of hand. Kids are unable to learn independence any more.

[Quakerfriend]

1. I agree with you that it's difficult for kids to

learn independence anymore but, imo I think age 5 is too young- way too many creeps out there.

[Laffy Kat]

13. I agree that five is too young.

It only takes seconds to nab a kid. That's just me, though, and I've always been a nervous parent.

[Thomas Hurt]

2. I grew up in a small town. When I got my bike in jr. high I was just about anywhere in town.

More often than not I was in the "wilds" or canyons around my town. Out there with the snakes and coyotes.

The only rattle snake I ever saw growing up was the one my grandfather found by the front gate of his house.

No one ever tried to mess with us. I think my elementary school playground was as dangerous.

Still I could have fallen to my death or drowned fairly easily in my adventures.

Then I got a car...

[Karadeniz]

3. I think 5 is too young. Too many things could happen.

[MissMillie]

22. I agree with you.... too young to be out of ear-shot

In one's own yard, okay.

[rsdsharp]

4. When I was in kindergarten, I walked 7 blocks to and from school.

But that was 1959. These days, I’m a little nervous when my nearly 11 year old granddaughter walks less than that distance home from school.

[Igel]

15. In '65 I started 1st grade.

The radius for bus pickup was 1 mile. I lived just outside of it, but in a corner of the neighborhood.

So no bus.

I think most parents would be wrecks these days, sending their 1st grader on a one-mile walk each way. And yet, it was safe. (We're bad at evaluating risk.)

I'm currently freaked that my son, first year at college, is biking everywhere. Too many cars, too many car doors. And yet he's probably safe.

[JI7]

27. I think lots of bad things happened back then also

probably more so than now but there wasn't the instant 24 hour news back then so most of it didn't get reported on other than maybe something local.

[Deuxcents]

6. I also think 5 is too young.

[marybourg]

10. I do too, and I was a young child in the 1940's. At that age

I walked to school with an adult who worked in the school. If she was not available, my mother, or an older neighbor child walked me. But, by the time I was 9 or 10, I was riding my bike several miles to a city housing project which contained a public library. I would leave the books in the bike basket if I stopped off to visit with a schoolmate on the way home, because who would steal a book? Everyone could get all the books they wanted from the NYC public library. No one ever did steal a book from me. Or bother me in any way.

At 12, I rode city buses and subways between boroughs, even into Manhattan before dawn. But I think 5 is too young to walk several blocks without an adult tagging along.

[FakeNoose]

7. I raised my only son in the 1970's, and in those days it was much easier

We lived in a safe, small town in upstate New York, and my son was allowed to walk to and from elementary school that was literally only one block away from our house. If I were a mom these days I don't think I'd ever allow that, but back then there was no danger. My son got taken to city parks, shopping malls, school events, and other stuff but I always supervised and provided transportation. Occasionally he could ride his bike to a friend's house, but that was about all.

My point is that the judgment isn't on you or your child, it's on the weirdos out there that you cannot control. Most of the time you don't even know they're there until they snatch your child when you aren't looking. Don't ever take the chance that something could happen. If it does, you'll never forgive yourself.

[kacekwl]

8. I think 5 is too young but a lot depends

on how responsible your child is. 7 seems like a good start. Speaking as a parent and former child.

[hlthe2b]

9. What my sister & I got by with in a relatively small town when growing up is light years away from

what I'd feel comfortable with so many decades later--even the very same locale--(though I've moved throughout the country since then).

I'd have to agree with Arthur Brooks on this... And I'd still worry.

[Jilly_in_VA]

11. When I was 5

I walked to and from kindergarten by myself in Lincoln, Nebraska. We lived relatively close to the university campus at the time and I think my school was about 3 blocks away. IIRC there was a crossing guard at the school, but my mother paid an older neighbor boy some small amount to help me cross the busy street we lived on in the morning as she was busy tending to my two younger brothers. She would "cross" me when I came home at noon, waiting for me outside and telling me when I could come across. The next year we lived in a village in Wisconsin and all the kids walked too and from school; nobody lived farther than two or three blocks away and there was essentially no traffic. The year after that we moved to Madison, Wisconsin and I walked five blocks by myself. There was a crossing guard at the bottom of our street because there was a Catholic grade school just a block past there and it was a 5-way intersection. When I got to my school there was another crossing guard. We always thanked our crossing guards. My mother walked me to school the first day to make sure I knew the way and waited for me when school was out that day; after that I was on my own. When my brothers started kindergarten, she practice-walked them for a couple of days before school started and then did the same thing she had done for me the first day or two, and then they could walk home by themselves., although they usually walked with me to school.

I don't think time are that different. I think people are more scared because of the 24 hour news cycle.

[OldBaldy1701E]

21. BINGO!

Thanks to the constant news trying to make money by making you watch them creating a culture of fear that would be surprising were it not typical for most Americans to just go with whatever is waved in their faces as long as it has a nice logo and the word 'news' in it, we are programmed to buy their drivel regardless of reality. Times were not 'safer' back then, we just did not hear about most of this stuff. You know... rose colored glasses and all that? But, once the news people saw how their readership jumped every time they printed a story about abductions and satanic worship (did you know that, of the massive 'abuse scare' convictions in the late 80s, around 92% of them were later overturned due to evidence that those poor kids were coached to say the things they did? That the vast majority of the arrests and accusations were in fact just revenge attacks and personal vendettas, not actual crimes? Amazingly, I have only seen one article about that part of the story) their eyes filled with dollar signs. They have not stopped this tactic since.

I also grew up during the 60s and 70s and I was in a very small town. We were pretty 'feral' as well, seldom being anywhere near our homes once we all got bicycles. There were a few dudes that had a 'reputation' and we were warned about them. No one ever got taken. Because the vast majority of child abuse comes from family and close friends. That 'stranger danger' thing is cute, but seldom applies to the reality of the dangers kids face. They are far more susceptible to abuses from their own home. But, those stories don't sell very well, so those get page six coverage, while the ultra-rare actual stranger abduction gets the front page.

[MissMillie]

24. To me it's not just that someone might do something terrible to the child

a kid jumping off a swing could break a bone if they land awkwardly.

[OldBaldy1701E]

26. Well, all I can say is this.

(Specifically the first 1:05)

Broken bones, cuts, scrapes, bruises, insults, being left out, not winning the trophy... all are things that we have to learn as we grow into adulthood. Trying to shield a child from this is dangerous and a failure to the child, in my opinion. And, this attempt at shielding is not solely the prevue of the mother, BTW, even though Titus frames it in that light.

(Full disclosure: after my parents divorced, I was made to live with my mother. Which, at the time was not an issue with me, as my mother had done a really good job of poisoning me against my father. Plus, my mother was a triage nurse (emergency room) for her entire career. It requires a level of... shall we say 'detachment'... that made living with her during those last formative years more like what Titus says about his father around 1:15. I suspect she just gave up since I was not turning out to be the 'lawyer/doctor/adventurer/straight, grandchild producing' son that I guess she wanted.)

[MissMillie]

30. I don't watch videos.

I just think that 5 years old is to young to be ALONE anywhere.

I wouldn't leave a 5 year old alone inside my house. Seriously. I don't think anyone else here would either.

[Jilly_in_VA]

28. Break a bone? Really?

Well guess what, a kid can break a bone, sprain an ankle, whatever, in a supervised activity just as easily. When did people get to where they wanted to wrap their kiddies in cotton batting and "protect" them from every little thing? Geez Louise! Kids need to take some risks in order to grow up successful and strong, and they need to do it without parents hovering over them every single minute. You don't sound like you ever had kids.

[MissMillie]

29. OK, so when the kid does break a bone while s/he's ALONE on a playground...

do you really want to be 3 blocks away and out of ear-shot when it happens?

I sure as hell don't.

[Jilly_in_VA]

31. Most kids

are not going to BE alone on a playground "when that happens". If you read the entire article, the author was talking about a park where there were constant activities going on, where there were adults activities going on and someone would hear a child or there was someone a child could run to, possibly even an adult who knew the child.

Now I personally agree that 5 is a little young to go to a park alone, but I don't know the exact circumstances. Shortly before my third birthday, we moved to a housing complex in California that was inhabited mainly by veterans and their young families. We kids roamed pretty freely with certain boundaries (stay in our courtyard or behind our buildings, don't go past the library---that was when I was just a bit older--or near Potrero Road) and pretty much within earshot or sightline of somebody's mother. But roam we did! I lived there until I was 5.

[MissMillie]

33. If I knew the other kids or adults

I might consider.

Would I just let my 5 year-old walk to the park alone? Nope.

Might walk w/ him or her to see if anyone else was there and whether or not I knew the people there. Nobody I know there? Nope my kid's not staying there without me.

5 is YOUNG. And you admitted that yourself.

[Jilly_in_VA]

35. I think you are being ridiculous

and I will not engage with you any more. I don't think you have kids either, or you may be a helicopter parent, but this is the sum total of my engagement with you.

[MissMillie]

37. And I think it's rude of you to call me names because you disagree with me.

I think 5 is too young.

Operational cognition kicks in at around 7. Until then, they can play within ear-shot.

Just like mine son did and now his daughter does.

[Jilly_in_VA]

38. .........

[Buckeye_Democrat]

12. Me and my young friends were free...

Last edited Sun Sep 11, 2022, 10:43 PM - Edit history (1)

... to play outside, unsupervised by any adult, even before kindergarten when I was a child in the early 70's.

Very strangely, I also ran around the block of my neighborhood numerous times when I was about 2 or 3! I don't remember doing that at all, but my parents and older siblings mentioned it many times thereafter. Mom would scream, "Where's the baby?!", and an older sibling would look outside and eventually see me running down the sidewalk for another lap around the block (about a mile)! Then the sibling would reply, "He's fine... he's just running again."

They thought that I'd become a great marathon runner someday, but that wasn't the case. When I was just a few years older, I realized that I was easily the fastest kid in my school district at sprinting. Yet I didn't have the endurance for long runs.

When me and a neighbor friend were kindergarten students (on the late-morning schedule), we went exploring in nearby woods during early-morning hours. Then we lost our bearings and struggled to find our way back home. We wore watches and realized that we would be late for school, and that's when the friend started bawling that we would be in trouble. He also openly wondered if we'd EVER find our homes again! (I'm sorry, but I thought he was being ridiculous even when I five years old!) But we eventually recognized some trees that we had passed early-on, and that helped us retrace our way out of there and back home. We ran the whole way, getting scolded for being late for school as we expected.

Edit: I also escaped from pre-school and started running home (about three miles away) when I was 4, but the "principal" caught me as I stopped before trying to cross a busy street. I knew exactly how to get home, and it would've happened if that guy hadn't grabbed me and carried me back to pre-school. Then I was expelled, with the teacher telling my Mom over the phone, "I thought I knew your son when I first met him, and I was right!" That pissed off my mother, and she said that I'd never go back there even if I wasn't expelled. Which made me happy, because I couldn't stand being around "dumb" kids my own age anyway. All of my siblings were much older than me (from 21 to 7 years older), and I preferred their company because I could learn far more from them.
The following year, when I started kindergarten, my parents made it clear that I'd be in huge trouble if I tried to run home again. So I put up with it, although thoughts of running home crossed my mind several times.

By the time that I was in junior high school, I loved school. I was like a male version of Lisa Simpson by then.

Picture of me, around age 8 or 9, and the suburban sidewalks that I ran around as a baby.


I was a redhead by then (started out as blonde, and now brown), which also caused me to hate elementary school. Redheads were fair game for ridicule by the students AND the teachers, especially the boys.

Anyway, I feel sorry for children not having the freedom to explore like in those days. If my family had lived in a big city back then, they probably would've been more concerned about me roaming outside at a young age.

[Jilly_in_VA]

36. My kids were up and down the block

at 4 and 5 in our small city in the 80s. We lived on a one-block street with little traffic. All the kids rode bikes and big wheels (remember them?) in the street. I remember them having big wheel races that ended with them turning into our driveway and sometimes crashing down the slope into the fence that divided our yard from the one next door. Lots of hollering, very little crying.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

39. Oh, yes! I had Big Wheels too!

The brother that was 7 years older than me would ride his bike somewhere, and I'd furiously kick the front wheel pedals of the Big Wheel trying to keep up.

The plastic wheels would get holes in them after awhile, and then I'd get another one. The last one had a hand brake for one of the back wheels to intentionally cause spin-outs, which was my favorite. But I was also starting to get too big to continue riding it comfortably by then.

The same brother secretly followed me on his bike a few times when I ran around the block as a baby. He said that I just kept to the sidewalk in a rectangular pattern around the block, like some adult exercise enthusiast. Which he thought was bizarre back then, and he still thinks it was weird. It seems weird to me too, to be honest, but I don't remember doing it.

Edit: That brother also said that he and his friends would follow the mosquito "fog truck" on their bikes in the late-60's and early-70's. It was DDT, which was banned just a few years later! He looks back on it, thankful that he's still alive with few health issues, but also wondering why the truck driver never seemed to care that a bunch of children were getting sprayed directly behind him as he slowly drove through our neighborhood! The guy never exited the truck to yell at them, or anything.

[No Vested Interest]

14. More like 7, rather than 5.

By that time they will have 2-3 years of school behind them, giving them more experience in how to react to situations that might arise.

It's not just strangers and neighbors, it's any emergency that could occur in the park or along the way. By 7 they'll have a much broader view of how to act and react in the wider world outside the home and immediate view of parents and neighbors who know them.

Sure I at 7 or 8 walked 7-8 miles from my home to my dad's downtown office, along a busy throughway. Spotted by a neighbor who notified my parents, so Dad was expecting me when I arrived. Parents were not happy about that adventure. But that was then. wouldn't recommend it now, nor want my child doing such.

[Frances]

16. I would not let 5 year olds go alone

I remember seeing a very young unsupervised kid fall on glass in a park. Blood was gushing out of the cut and the kid was bawling. I tried to stop the bleeding. It took time to figure out where the kid lived and get him home to his mom. I’m glad I was there.

[MiniMe]

17. I think I was about 5

I didn't go by myself, went with other kids that were my age.

[3Hotdogs]

18. I grew up in Millburn, N.J. I lived across the street from the Papermill Playhouse.

It's call Papermill because it was mill, on the banks of a stream.


I was about 3 or 4 and we lived across the street from the stream. I know I wasn't yet 5, because we moved from there when I was five.

Anyways, I recall several of us kids, including my future class mate, Theresa, playing in the stream, supervised by whatever other kids were in the brook with us.

And guess what happened? Nothing.


When we moved to a different part of town, there were about 10 of us. We were alll "feral." Baseball in the streets, walking in the woods by ourselves.

And guess what happened? Nothing. Now my kids say I'm a bit addled... but I don't think it was because of king left alone to grow up.


I am now, 80 years old.

[Demsrule86]

19. The only thing I would say is this. I was 7 and my sister was 5 we walked to school in a

Chicago suburb. It was a few blocks. Two men in a red truck came by and stopped. They offered us ice cream. Now I had been told by my mom a thousand times not to talk to strangers, not to go with strangers, and to run and call for help at a neighbor's house if a stranger approached. But I started to get in the truck. Thankfully, my five-year-old sister had more sense and started screaming and crying.

She ran and I did too once she started screaming to a house nearby and banged on the door. The lady called our mother. My mom came and we went home (I was in real trouble let me tell you). The next day we were driven to school and the police came to our school. There had been child abductions. I had nightmares for years....still do sometimes. If a stranger asked your kids about ice cream or lost puppies, can you be sure they wouldn't go? I had been warned by both my Mom and Dad, but I would have gotten in that truck.

[slightlv]

20. I just feel sorry for the kids today.

Reading through what ya'll wrote, and knowing how much freedom I had in the 50's and 60's, before I turned 10 and thereafter... I see how the wanderlust I've had all my life, the sense of curiosity and creativity was born of those days of freedom. I was raised in a tiny town (

[Jilly_in_VA]

32. I do too

I grew up in a good-sized city in the 1950s, but I pretty much had the freedom to ride my bike anywhere in our part of town. I was an explorer by nature. My brothers and I would all bike to the local park which was about a mile away. They went fishing or got into a pickup baseball game. I just explored the nearby creeks and ponds. I was also able, from the age of about 9 or 10, to take the bus by myself to my dentist appointments or downtown to the library or an afternoon movie. I would meet a friend at the theater for that.

[slightlv]

34. Remember Halloweens in the dark with no parents tagging along?!

[twodogsbarking]

23. Imagine a world where children of any age are safe anywhere.

[masmdu]

25. I think you mean Japan

[Jilly_in_VA]

40. In Japan

3 and 4 year olds begin running errands for their parents and grandparents, usually to the corner store for some small purchase or another. Everyone looks out for them. By the age of 6 they are walking to school or even riding the buses or trains by themselves to school. Everyone looks out for the children there instead of accusing the parents. It used to be that way here too. Not any more. And I still say it's the 24 hour news cycle that did it.