Op-Ed: How to disagree about sexism and racism without being a jerk
We once hosted an event at our law school to discuss how members of advantaged social groups could be “allies” to marginalized people. As we left, a white male student ran up to us. He had a burning question he wanted to pose privately: “What if I say something, and a woman says it was sexist, but I don’t think it was. Am I allowed to disagree?”
Our response was easy: “Of course!” But he was right to feel nervous.
As scholars working on diversity and inclusion, we teachmembers of dominant groups how to have better conversations about identity issues. Many advantaged individuals find such disagreements agonizing. They often feel pressure to fake their opinions or defer to their conversation partners, fearing that to express any disagreement is to betray marginalized people or risk getting canceled.
To be clear, we don’t want people to jump reflexively to disagreement. We first advise individuals to build resilience — the ability to manage discomfort — and then cultivate curiosity about others. In that particular student’s case, perhaps his comment was sexist, but he won’t understand why unless he grounds his emotions and listens generously to his conversation partner.
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Perhaps treat ALL minority groups with the same deference and respect.
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