Latest must-read blog from Helen and Margaret: The Passion of the Newt

[shireen]

The Passion of the Newt

Margaret, let me see if I get this right. The political party that brought us Family Values now gives us Newt Gingrich? South Carolina likes to say that they elect presidents. They also elected to keep the Confederate battle flag above their statehouse until this millennium so I kind of question their judgment… or lack thereof.

Let me tell you a little bit about the man who won the hearts and votes of South Carolina’s predominately born-again-evangelical-Republican-family-value voters:

Leroy Newton Gingrich was a Lutheran when he married his high school teacher at the age of 19. He was a Southern Baptist when he divorced her 18 years later while she was in the hospital recovering from surgery. A former staff member said that Newt felt she was a political liability because “she’s not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer.” Very good reasons I am sure, but I bet the affair he was having with Marianne Ginther had something to do with it as well. Newt “married” Marianne in 1981. I used quotes around that word because according to Marianne, Newt wanted an “open marriage” which is to say his divorces were getting kind of expensive. Instead of 7 years, Newt’s itch comes around every 18 years because that’s how long he was married to his high school teacher before he had the affair with Marianne, and that’s also how long he was married to Marianne before he began his affair with House of Representatives staffer Callista Bisek. I assume she asked him to become Catholic because they don’t believe in divorce.

Now she’s a pretty one that Callista. She is 23 years younger than Newt and so pasty white you can almost see through her, which makes her the perfect wife for a Republican president. They married in 2000 so Callista probably needs to find a lawyer in about 6 years. That means if Newt gets elected he’ll be well into his next affair and his next religion in time for his re-election campaign.

More at http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/the-passion-of-the-newt/

[tilsammans]

1. M&H = a riot!

I wish they'd (i.e., Helen) post more often.

[TheOther95Percent]

2. Good Read and Funny Too

I've also considered that Newt's marriages seem to run on a certain trajectory terminating at the 18 year mark.

[shireen]

3. OMG! I just saw Margaret's reply!

how did i miss it?

Helen, dear, the only thing I know for sure is Newt Gingrich will be one challenging role for that Meryl Streep to play.

[Ecumenist]

4. Callista is "pretty"? REALLY? Are they using their own eyes to look at her?

She's nothing to write home about. She's what we call"sweet". The only thing exceptional about her is that whiteness. If the sun hit her just right, people looking her would get snowblindness. Callista should think about what my mother ALWAYS told me-"A man who will leave someone for you, will leave you for someone else."

They're right about her expiration date. Old habits die hard.

[shireen]

7. i think she was being sarcastic.

[nykym]

5. In the unlikelyhood that

he does make it to the white house, the big dawg should send him a cigar, wink wink nod nod!

[liberal N proud]

6. Falling off my chair

[Gregorian]

8. God you just can't beat the brevity and sharpness of Helen and Margaret

[Ruby the Liberal]

9. "Does this tie go with my religion"

[BiggJawn]

10. There is a perpetual adoration chapel somehwere...

... where Callista has them pray 24/7 for her continued good health, seeing's as how her predecessors were replaced when they fell ill...