Serious question about bidets.

[LuckyCharms]

I'm thinking of getting one.

I'm having trouble picturing how they actually get you squeaky clean.

I would need one with the strength of a fire hose and some stainless steel rotary cleaning brushes mounted on a Dremel tool.

If anyone would like to share their bidet experiences, I'm all ass...er...I mean I'm all ears.

Thank you in advance.

[no_hypocrisy]

1. I loved mine in Paris.

Warm water that rinses your bottom gently but firmly.

I'd get it if I were you.

[LuckyCharms]

9. Doesn't the water splash onto the back of your legs?

[unblock]

2. Or you could just use wet wipes

[LuckyCharms]

4. I do.

25 each poop.

[demosincebirth]

35. Might as well use toilet paper instead of wipes. They are (here it goes) a pain in the ass use.

[PJMcK]

3. It's really not all that complicated

Sometimes, Wikipedia is your friend:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bidet

Get one. You'll feel better and...

[LuckyCharms]

7. Thanks for this. It says you use them with soap...

Do I have to stick the whole bar of soap up my ass before turning on the bidet, or do I use a "bidet soap knife" to cut the bar of soap into shavings to make them easier to insert?

[PJMcK]

18. Okay... whatever fits, I guess!

The newer models come with all kinds of add-ons, bells-and-whistles as well as battery-operated/remote controlled do-dads.

I'm sure you'll find the model that fits your personal requirements.

If not, I'm available for personal consultations.

(BIG wink)

[lastlib]

45. Tell us more about the, um, do-dads.....

(vivid, picturesque language appreciated......)

[PJMcK]

19. Another thought

Part of the utility of the bidet is that you can use it to clean different parts of your anatomy. After all, if you've had one bodily function, there's no good reason to clean another area of your groin, is there?

[OnDoutside]

37. Thankfully I wasn't drinking hot tea when I read your post !

[populistdriven]

5. ahhhh yes, i was waiting to use this

[pbmus]

8. Lmao....

[Hoyt]

17. LOL. That fella looks so happy.

[PJMcK]

21. Wouldn't you be?

That looks like fun and I'll have to try it when my neighbors lawn sprinklers go on at 3:00 AM.

That'll be a sight.

[populistdriven]

27. hmmm, it only says not to Drink...

[PJMcK]

28. Actually,...

... I'll drink before the sprinklers come on at 3:00 AM.

(Sly wink)

[Kali]

20. !!!

[Kilgore]

25. Bravo!

You made my evening!

[NightWatcher]

6. Here kitty kitty

[Sophiegirl]

10. Look into a TOTO toilet.

It was developed in Japan and is a single toilet with bidet features, along with several other features.

I had a friend install one at his house and I think I spent too much time in the bathroom enjoying. TMI, right?

[LuckyCharms]

13. I will, thank you. Probably won't get one...

I just spent big bucks and a weekend upgrading to two new toilets. I'll check tham out though.

[braddy]

11. They work and it is nice to have one, but I would get a urinal first.

[LuckyCharms]

12. For my home? What are the advantages?

[braddy]

14. Convenience and water savings, and style, get water-less.

[LuckyCharms]

16. Sounds good, but no room.

Each of my bathrooms is only big enough for a toilet, 36 inch vanity, and tub with shower.

[Kaleva]

23. Cut several round holes in the outside walls of your home

Urine is a very good fertilizer as it's rich in nitrogen. Alternate the holes you use as too much urine can kill plants and grass.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

39. And waste perfectly good urine?

[populistdriven]

15. Well In Japan they come with a game show!

[Major Nikon]

22. I have a bidet seat that I installed with a new toilet

You need an electric outlet near the crapper, so I had to install one. It works quite well and as an added bonus it heats the seat. I call it my throne.

[jberryhill]

24. You might try this out first

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Portable-Handy-Bidet-Bottle-For-Your-Personal-Hygiene/209830752?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&adid=22222222228162406295&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=274633655039&wl4=pla-456345311923&wl5=9052669&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=online&wl12=209830752&wl13=&veh=sem

The Toto units are great, but if you want to experiment a bit before dropping $200, and installing an electric outlet, then there are various “squirt bottle” type things.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

38. I have a customer who has a kitchen sprayer attached at a split/dual angle stop behind the toilet.

It would be cold water and gets the job done, I’m sure, but it sure looks weird.

I suppose it wouldn’t be too difficult to attach to the nearby sink hot angle stop. But then you might cook your giblets.

[Kaleva]

26. "Toilet Paper Alternative:Easy DIY Squirt Bottle in 2 Minutes"

[question everything]

29. No, but I have not laguhed so hard reading a thread on DU

since, sorry, the "golden showers" threads, especially the one asking us to "fess up."

[lastlib]

46. OMG--this thread is going to go down in DU history alongside the "door buzzard"...!

TOO funny! -- -- --

[kimbutgar]

30. I have this bidet piece you attach to your toilet though the main water line

After having it you’ll never go back.

Very inexpensive and life changing.

[Historic NY]

31. Now with video..........

[link:

|]

[Kaleva]

32. Oh! You're supposed to poop in the toilet!

[Historic NY]

33. Its all a wash...........

[LuckyCharms]

34. That's a myth.

[Wounded Bear]

36. And if you myth, it leaves a meth...

[csziggy]

43. My problem is that I was slacks so to use a bidet I'd have to disrobe

From the waist down, including shoes. That would be annoying and time consuming.

[sprinkleeninow]

40. Sign above commode in an establishment:

"We aim to please. Your aim would be appreciated."

[sprinkleeninow]

41. Sign:

"Welcome to our ool. Notice there is no 'p' in it. Please keep it that way."

[sprinkleeninow]

42. I used to do four sisters' hair back when.

One of them, her daughter went to France with some school friends for a cultural visit.

She showed me a photo of those crazy kiddos chilling cans of Coke in a bidet in their hotel. 😆

[Xolodno]

44. After our trip to France and Italy...

...my wife thinks us Americans are unsanitary when it comes to "nature calls".

[Solly Mack]

47. Could just get a sandblaster from the sound of it.

Maybe a pressure washer and a bucket.

[Totally Tunsie]

48. My son used the one in his Italian hotel room

to soak and wash his socks.

[retread]

49. I have a toilet seat bidet and will attempt some serious answers.

Mine is a smartbidet sb-1000. Has most of the bells and whistles of the more expensive brands.

It has a heated seat with a built-in sensor that warms the seat when it detects someone is sitting on it.

The nozzle has a self cleaning function that activates before and after use.

There are adjustments for nozzle position, strength of stream from nozzle(more on this later), and temperature of stream and temperature of seat heater.
It has a blow dryer that is adjustable also.

At first, I was kind of skeptical that this could clean. After 6 months of use it has proven to be far superior to TP. The cleaning stream strength is adjustable from a gentle stream to a "Turbo" function which could remove dried paint!

I do not use the dryer function but instead use bidet towels to blot dry. I use white towels and in 6 months have never seen anything "extra"; just damp white towel.

The installation is super easy, but does require an outlet in the bathroom, preferably a ground fault interrupter.