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(37,648 posts)
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:07 PM Jun 2018

Women over 85 are happier because their partners are dead by then


Women become progressively happier as they age, according to a health survey conducted in England. They have higher rates of poor mental health than men throughout much of their lives, until over the age of 85, when women’s overall happiness increases and men’s decreases.

With the exception of the elderly set, women were more likely than men to have poor mental health at nearly every age. Overall, 21 percent of women reported mental health problems, compared to 16 percent of men. The change that occurred over a lifetime—leading to less mental health concerns among women—was likely due to the specific burden of responsibilities that women often carry, according to the dean of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, Kate Lovett. Further, many women are widowed by then, which psychiatrists say may also be a factor.

Women “are still more likely to bear the brunt of domestic and caring responsibilities,” Lovett told the Times. As women age, that burden may lessen as they are no longer responsible for children and elderly parents.


LOL! Too funny.
39 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Women over 85 are happier because their partners are dead by then (Original Post) Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 OP
Statistically married men live longer than single. Floyd R. Turbo Jun 2018 #1
I know! Goes to show you who benefits most from marriage...nt Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #2
Thats ok I've told my family members not to Historic NY Jun 2018 #5
Leave a negative balance! 👍🏻 Floyd R. Turbo Jun 2018 #8
Well apparently its true.. Historic NY Jun 2018 #3
No need to wait that long. silverweb Jun 2018 #4
LOL! I was worried you were going to suggest something else! nt Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #10
LOL silverweb Jun 2018 #15
Apparently a lot of older women aren't waiting--me included. mnhtnbb Jun 2018 #20
I didn't even wait that long. silverweb Jun 2018 #22
I'm a slow learner. mnhtnbb Jun 2018 #31
You're no slower than most of us. silverweb Jun 2018 #34
I'm right there with you. llmart Jun 2018 #36
Congratulations. mnhtnbb Jun 2018 #38
No need to wait that long. Corvo Bianco Jun 2018 #26
That's an option, too. silverweb Jun 2018 #33
My mom was like that. ghostsinthemachine Jun 2018 #6
My mom was never happy married to my dad Ohiogal Jun 2018 #19
My mom and dad divorced when I was 16. My mom, although she sometimes had Nay Jun 2018 #32
Men get more annoying the older they get. Ron Obvious Jun 2018 #7
A big sigh of relief, huh? Too funny. lol. nt Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #11
I do think men get crabbier and more argumentative as they age. Ohiogal Jun 2018 #12
No they don't! Stuff and nonsense! Ron Obvious Jun 2018 #14
hahahahaha! I get it. nt Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #17
Well at least my wife has something to look forward to genxlib Jun 2018 #9
Could be. But a lot of women live into their nineties... Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #13
possibly dead husbands were happier without the wife as well. nt msongs Jun 2018 #16
We'll have to wait a while for that survey. :) nt Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #18
Well, I've out lived two wives MosheFeingold Jun 2018 #21
So...you're available again? Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #23
Funny MosheFeingold Jun 2018 #24
+1. lol. Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #25
No, no MosheFeingold Jun 2018 #29
Oh, I see. Well,,,,,Give 'em hell, Harry! nt Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #30
Old joke that Ms. CincyDem hates... CincyDem Jun 2018 #27
LOL. Pretty good. nt Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #28
So you married men. Prepare for yourself for a preemptive strike and dump them before you get CentralMass Jun 2018 #35
Whoa. Those are some heavy duty thoughts, there. Honeycombe8 Jun 2018 #37
I wonder what impact the relative expectations around mental health by gender had? mythology Jun 2018 #39

Historic NY

(37,407 posts)
5. Thats ok I've told my family members not to
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:26 PM
Jun 2018

worry I didn't what to burden them with my money so I'm spending it. I'm single.


(16,402 posts)
4. No need to wait that long.
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:25 PM
Jun 2018

Divorce works very well, too, with the exact same result. The best part is that nobody has to die, it's available at a much younger age, and you get to start over on a better track before you're too old to enjoy it.

I speak from personal experience - with no regrets.


(16,402 posts)
15. LOL
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:55 PM
Jun 2018

It hadn't occurred to me that anyone might worry about such a thing! Now that you mention it, people here don't know the "real me" and how I might pursue more radical options, though, do they?


(31,259 posts)
20. Apparently a lot of older women aren't waiting--me included.
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 12:03 PM
Jun 2018

Grey divorce has become a trend. The divorce rate for those over 50 has doubled since the 1990's.

I left at age 66 after 32 years of marriage. Just couldn't do it any more. Love was long gone. No looking back.


(16,402 posts)
22. I didn't even wait that long.
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 01:02 PM
Jun 2018

I only lasted 2 years with the first marriage in my 20's, and 3 years with the second at 40ish, interrupted by an 18-month separation. That was almost 30 years ago and I've been very happily single ever since. Like you, there's been no looking back.

Saw this video in another thread, and I feel the song and the sentiment are entirely appropriate here:


(31,259 posts)
31. I'm a slow learner.
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 04:41 PM
Jun 2018

Spent 7 years with the first (married at 21, way too young). Fortunately no kids with #1 so a clean break. Swept off my feet by soon to be ex after 5 years of being single. We did have kids--two boys--now 31 and 28.

I'm done now. As I've told friends, I'm not trading in one old man for another.

Very cool video.


(16,402 posts)
34. You're no slower than most of us.
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 05:07 PM
Jun 2018

We're raised with expectations both given to us (love! romance!) and placed upon us (responsibility! family!), but how many of us have seen what a truly good marriage is like from the inside and know what it takes to achieve the same?

It's no surprise at all that we flounder around when we have to learn to live in the real world. How quickly or slowly we learn is largely determined by our life experiences. The good news is that we did learn.


(15,375 posts)
36. I'm right there with you.
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 07:41 PM
Jun 2018

Left at 61 after 42 years. Should have done it ten years earlier. Best decision I ever made for my golden years.


(3,569 posts)
6. My mom was like that.
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:28 PM
Jun 2018

She said forever all she wanted was a year without my Dad. I gave her four. She was much happier.


(31,263 posts)
19. My mom was never happy married to my dad
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 05:17 PM
Jun 2018

When I was a teenager she used to say things to me once in a while like "I should have left your father years ago" and things like that. I don't remember them acting affectionate to each other.


(12,051 posts)
32. My mom and dad divorced when I was 16. My mom, although she sometimes had
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 04:48 PM
Jun 2018

trouble making ends meet, was a thousand times happier. She actually had a nice Canadian suitor at one time, but she pulled the plug on that, saying: "All they want is someone to wash their socks." I can't disagree.


Ron Obvious

(6,261 posts)
7. Men get more annoying the older they get.
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:28 PM
Jun 2018

At least my grandmother heaved a big sigh of relief when the old coot finally checked out in his middle eighties, and she even seemed to return to some modicum of sanity afterwards. At least she no longer fretted that her octogenarian husband was having it off with the teenage girls who walked by their house on the way to school.

I certainly plan on getting more annoying every year. Mrs. Obvious has that to look forward to.


(31,263 posts)
12. I do think men get crabbier and more argumentative as they age.
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:38 PM
Jun 2018

Seen it many times in my extended family.


(5,487 posts)
9. Well at least my wife has something to look forward to
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:31 PM
Jun 2018

I suspect that this is case of misplaced correlation.

Maybe happier people live longer. Maybe only the happy ones are still alive in their 80s to even respond to this survey. Maybe the miserable ones don't make it that long.


(37,648 posts)
13. Could be. But a lot of women live into their nineties...
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 04:39 PM
Jun 2018

Last edited Tue Jun 26, 2018, 05:09 PM - Edit history (1)

the women in my family lived to late 80s years ago, so I assume my generation will live to 90-something. It's not unusual. It IS unusual for men to live that long, and no, it's not because "they work so hard," which was what I'd always heard. It's just the their gender, turns out. Just like each gender is prone to certain ailments.

In any case, I was married, and I thought that marriage was easier for men and benefited them more. But society dictates that women should get married to have kids and to be "normal" and not end up "spinsters." And they fall in love, of course. Once they do all that, and if it doesn't work out, they're free to live their lives in a way that married women are not.

I know that after I got separated and moved, it felt like a big horse had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt happier & freer than I had in years. But maybe that's not related to the over-85 crowd, since I was unhappily married.


(3,051 posts)
21. Well, I've out lived two wives
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 12:38 PM
Jun 2018

I believe I was a good husband, both times. My children say I was.

And, yes, I am cranky. Being old is not for sissies.

I just took some ethics test (and passed) and applied for reciprocity for the New Mexico bar. Only computer test I've ever taken in my life.

Allegedly, I will be the oldest member of the New Mexico bar.

Keeping the mind sharp by working and staying as fit as you can is the key to a happy old age. Never retire.

I'm thinking I will volunteer as a public defender. I was a prosecutor many, many years ago.


(37,648 posts)
23. So...you're available again?
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 03:35 PM
Jun 2018

I posted that survey result because I thought it was funny. I think some may read it as insulting, though, which it isn't meant to be.

It's just that some women spend their lives in the service of others...taking care of kids and husband and house, then taking care of ailing parents (both of 'em) and husband, then taking care of ailing husband. Some women never get to spend their lives mainly taking care of themselves, so I think that's what the survey means. But some women probably like taking care of others, so ....

In the case of my father, who is 85...he is 14 years older than his wife. You'd think she takes care of "the old man"? Nope. SHE is the one with failing health big time...HE takes care of her. He is the one with the good health! You never know what will happen.


(3,051 posts)
24. Funny
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 03:51 PM
Jun 2018

I went to shul in El Paso. An older woman (much younger than me) was very interested because I am very fit and look ~25 years younger than I am -- but mainly because I have my driver's license, and she did not. (I think its because I worked inside most of my life and didn't have exposure to UV.)

But I now live with my son. His wife is lovely, but she wouldn't take another boarder, even back here in the guest house.

And, candidly, I enjoy just my family.


(37,648 posts)
25. +1. lol.
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 04:12 PM
Jun 2018

She won't take her husband's father in the guest house? Hmmmm. Not very nice, since you're on your own, and you are his father. But maybe she figures it'll be too much work on her in some way.


(3,051 posts)
29. No, no
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 04:35 PM
Jun 2018

They insisted I come live with them. Something about "Crown Heights being no place for an old man." There have been a fair number of antisemitic attacks in NYC (no, not Trumpers; there's a weird cult there, long story) on older Jewish men, so I reluctantly agreed.

But adding a step-mother-in-law to that? Meh!


(6,199 posts)
27. Old joke that Ms. CincyDem hates...
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 04:29 PM
Jun 2018

Q: Why do Jewish husbands die before their wives ?

A: Because they can.

Sometimes when I want to shut down a little tiff we're having I'll just say "because I can". Then I get the evil eye and I agree that she wins. lol


(15,265 posts)
35. So you married men. Prepare for yourself for a preemptive strike and dump them before you get
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 06:06 PM
Jun 2018

shanked. The trend is they'll wait until the klids are about to graduate college. After you been an active hands on father who busted his ass to keep a job and pay the freight for the better part of 3 decades. Add sleeping by her by her bedside during hospital stays and supported her continuous career changes and numerous catastrophic financial decisions. They will have sucked all the life they can out of you and decide it's time to go for your jugular Then they will post life affirming memes on Facebook with a theme that nothing matters in life but their own happiness as if they have to convince the world .



(9,527 posts)
39. I wonder what impact the relative expectations around mental health by gender had?
Wed Jun 27, 2018, 09:19 PM
Jun 2018

Guys are supposed to not let our mental health be a thing, where women are encouraged to be more attentive to that side of things. With men being significantly more likely to commit suicide, it seems at least we are more likely to suffer the most severe impact of poor mental health.

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