Advice for being stalked on FB

[Honeycombe8]

Last edited Wed Oct 24, 2018, 02:29 PM - Edit history (1)

UPDATE:

Thanks to everyone who responded with advice and thoughts! It was so helpful.

BUT IT HAS BEEN RESOLVED! It was a while, but the admin finally messaged me that he has spoken with the stalker guy (who he has known for several years, he said...I think only online). He sort of took up for the stalker in a way, by saying that the guy really believed I was a faker and up to no good (oh, really? I have some swamp land to sell you.), but he talked to the guy and assured him I'm real and live in the area, and that he had to quit asking me to "meet" him. Then the admin made a joke and said he wouldn't want to meet up with the guy, either.

I pointed out the guy most certainly knows who I am, that I told him I'm a homeowner & listed on the appraisal district site, and I've been participating for months...giving to charities, asking for handymen references & such. I also pointed out that...why in the heck would anyone want to "fake" being someone for the purpose of posting in a small community local forum? (I'm thinking these guys have delusions of grandeur). But I thanked him for taking care of the problem.

So thank you all for your responses!

***********************


We have a community forum, which I participate in. It's about things related to the community, obviously, but will involve taxes, like tax renewals, candidates for office, etc. I tried to respond to those things sparingly, and objectively, since I live in TrumperLand. Otherwise, I read for references for handymen, landscapers, upcoming events, etc.

A man started trolling me a few months ago. Trolling or stalking, whatever you call it. I think it's because he's a Trumper, and he has gathered from my posts that I'm one of the few liberals in the area...and in fact, one of the few people with a brain here. My posts have real facts, real histories of taxes and debt, etc.

He started posting responses to me not related to the thread, but saying things like, "This person does not exist. Don't pay attention to her. Honeycomb, I don't think you're real. Will you agree to meet me for coffee?"

At first, I responded, telling him I do exist, he can look me up on the internet to verify my home ownership, etc., just like I looked him up and saw where his home is. This was before I realized what he was up to.

For months, now, he follows me around, saying similar things "This person, he or she, doesn't exist. I've offered to meet with this person 5 times, but never accepts. Obviously a troll." Things like that. A couple of times, some other trumper man also responds to the stalker's post, saying, "Oh, really? A troll?"

The admin will do nothing. There's no way to report with a click his post (can only do that on an original post), so I have emailed the admin three times directing him to the stalking post. He doesn't respond. (Well, the 2nd time he responded by saying "read the rules," which I assume he means the way to report someone is to "click report" a post...which you can't do.)

The man is in his forties with a family, no less. Obviously has a mental problem. He may be upset I won't "meet" with him, or he may be trying to push me out of the group.

Anyone have any experience with how to deal with this sort of thing? Except for the initial response a time or two in the beginning, I ignore him. But it is interfering with my participation in the group, and since I'm newish to the area (well, I grew up here, but moved back last year after living out of state for 30 years), I think others may in fact think I don't exist. Today, when I didn't receive a response from the admin again, and I got yet another stalking post from him ("See? She/he doesn't respond. And still won't meet with me. This isn't a real person."

If I feed the stalker, it'll just get into a battle of words, I think. I could leave the group, but I shouldn't have to. Or I could continue ignoring him, and just take the insults. Anyone have any words of wisdom? (Thanks in advance for any thoughts you may have on the matter.)

[FSogol]

1. Go into your local police station and talk to the community affairs officer.

Don't Put it off.

[Honeycombe8]

14. K. I'll print out some of his posts. We only have a Sheriff's Dept, tho.

I doubt they have a community affairs dept. But I'll see what they say. Thanks! Good suggestion. Even if they laugh me out of there, maybe it's best they at least be notified.

[sazemisery]

2. Contact FB

If admin does nothing, alert FB and explain the problem.

[Honeycombe8]

13. You think FB will care? It's worth a try, I guess. Thanks. nt

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. You can certainly block him and I would do that.

And I would keep reporting him.

The drastic measure would be to get off Facebook. I've had obnoxious people bother me on FB and I just block them. Then they can no longer see me nor I them and that works well.

Good luck!

[Honeycombe8]

11. Thanks. I did block him for a while, but then I can't see if he is stalking me and what he's saying.

Maybe that's best, though. Thanks!

[IADEMO2004]

4. Block him. Open settings open blocking enter his name

[Honeycombe8]

15. I did that once for a while. He didn't stop. nt

[Kota]

5. Document his posts as best you can. I would go to the police.

DO NOT meet him! Be safe.

[Honeycombe8]

16. Thanks! Yes, it had crossed my mind to meet him, but then it would be

something else, and then something else. And he might have mental issues. Besides, I don't need to "prove" my existence to local people. They can look me up on the internet and verify my home ownership and such. He knows who I am.

[Canoe52]

6. In this day and age, to be safe, quit Facebook, put in motion detector lights and CCTV

around your house, drop by your local police and show them what has transpired so far, see if it warrants a restraining order. Check your surroundings getting in and out of your car. Etc... The red flags are flying sky high,

For you and your family’s safety, this person is not to be messed with!

[Honeycombe8]

17. You think? Hmmm....maybe so. I'm new to FB, actually.

Before last year, I didn't even have an acct. But I went 21st century, when I found out about all the local groups...gardening, buy & sale, lost&found pets, the local community, etc.

But as long as I'm still on FB, he could find me in my other groups, like gardening. So far, he hasn't done that. Maybe you're right about leaving FB. Maybe I can read the sites I want, without joining FB. Thanks so much!

[CountAllVotes]

26. Local info. w/help available if needed

Had some luck with nextdoor.com if you need help locally.

You can find gardening groups, etc. at your local community center.

If they have things like this available where I live they must have them where you are too!

Look elsewhere! Anywhere! Please!

[Honeycombe8]

35. I have another online gardening group to participate in.

Unfortunately, my area is not large enough to have robust groups of just about anything. That's why the FB & other site gardening groups for me....the FB one is for the state, and the other is for the country.

[CountAllVotes]

34. Honeycombe8 re: gardening

Are you aware of the gardening group here on the DU? There are lots of very helpful groups right here too!
Just FYI ---> Gardening group:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1159

Best of luck finding new places to go. Re: gardening, if you figure out how to rid ride of moles in your yard, please let me know! I realize you are dealing with your own "mole" of sorts!

[Honeycombe8]

36. Thanks!

No, I didn't! I've been a member here since forever, but never saw that. I guess because it's listed under another topic. Anyway, I'll check it out.

No, I don't know about moles. In Dallas, we would have given an award to any critter who would be able to dig through that hard clay & rock soil. Here in Louisiana, I suppose they'd drown. The soil beneath the surface is water logged...we're at sea level, and the water table isn't that far below, and it rains here all the time. Subtropical climate.

Thanks so much!

[CountAllVotes]

7. Simple advice

CLOSE your FAKEBOOK acct. NOW!!!

[SWBTATTReg]

10. Why? Her first amendment rights allow her to speak out as much as he has the right to. As...

one poster said, block him out on FB, don't pay attention to what this person says or do, and also, what do other posters on this fb page say too? Do they support her?

[Honeycombe8]

21. No one else supports me. Remember I'm in TrumpLand...lots of white male Trumpers...

They stick together like glue. They may not respond to him, but they don't stick up for me, the liberal. The posters don't tend to get involved in disagreements between others, anyway. Although I have stood up for people a couple of times.

I've noticed this general sort of behavior a few times...and it has ALWAYS been the white male Trumpers attacking a FEMALE. Accusing one of lying, when it was stupid. She was just reporting that she saw a strange man in their backyard the night before (no fence). A male chimes in...."You're LYING! Do you really need attention so much that you just make crap up?" It was bizarre.

It might be best for me to leave the group or FB entirely, which may be what his end game is. Not sure. But I joined the community group for sharing of information, security, comradery, to get info on events, etc. This ruins that. Thanks for your thoughts!

[SWBTATTReg]

23. Sadly, you're probably right. There are lots of other forums to go join, hopefully where...

you are at. Coffee shops, flea markets, and other community centers such as senior citizen centers or churches might be a good resource. Maybe your specific neighborhood has its own website, and thus has more control than FB has in weaning out these negative people.

And you are right, most people would rather avoid negative posters and thus receive unwanted attention from these negative scumbags. I'm surprised for you would think someone would step up to the plate and act like a decent human being. These people are so insincere that they have to bully everyone around them, and they're doing it online too. This is one of the great pitfalls of the internet, where everything is pretty well hidden, true IDs, etc.

Take care. Don't let them win, these modern day bullies of the playground. They don't deserve it.

[Honeycombe8]

27. Well, I decided to try a response. I immediately got a "like" from a white male.

I responded to the stalker, saying something like "Don't pay attention to this guy. He has been stalking me for months, unhappy that I won't meet with him."

Then I responded to the guy who sort of supported the stalker by saying, "Well, she IS a liberal." I said something like "Don't encourage him. He has been stalking me for months, insisting that I meet with him. He has some mental problems."

I immediately got a "like" for each of my posts from a white male...from the looks of him (longish hair, John Lennon glasses), I'm thinking he's a fellow liberal. There are a few of us here. We live in the shadows, as they say.

The stalker, who had just done a post so was online, did not respond. He may respond, when he thinks of something to say.

I think I'll focus my attention on the other groups I belong to, like gardening. I don't want to get involved in arguments in FB. I have more important things to do. I'll start printing his posts and report it to Sheriff's Dept, just in case.

Thanks!

[SWBTATTReg]

29. Good for you. These negative posters think nothing of yelling and screaming when ...

they believe they have been wronged, and that's all it is, is just an act. They are on there simply to be an as**ole and that's it. Nothing of community, nothing constructive at all. You think some people would grow up and be responsible adults, but no. They are paranoid, think everyone is out to get them, and have beliefs that a good chunk of us would abhor. Cowards, who hide behind a post, not identifying themselves, and mouthing off. Not worth the energy and time to mess around w/. I do agree w/ one poster who said don't meet this guy or have a confrontation w/ him/her...why in the world are they wanting to do this? I think mainly so they can get in your face and read their riot act (which is garbage anyway, per the history you have had w/ this person).

Don't waste time on them, they suck the blood out of a room and are poor examples of a decent human being. Imagine this if this will help you, that they are 15 year old teenagers, mouthing off. It may make it easier for you to ignore them totally as they truly aren't worth the energy.

[cwydro]

38. Please be careful.

This guy that you think “looks” like a liberal could very easily be the same person.

Many people have more than one FB account.

Don’t meet any of these people. And block that one guy for sure.

[Honeycombe8]

18. Thanks. Another poster suggested it. I'll consider it. But like the poster below says...

it IS my right, and I do get benefits from it. I belong to a gardening group, the pets lost & found groups, etc. Something to consider, tho. Thanks!

[Socal31]

8. If you are truly worried about it....

Which I would assume you are based off of the fact that we are having this conversation....

I would send him a cease-and-desist styled letter. State that you are requesting that he no longer contact you in any fashion, or you will be forced to seek a civil harassment restraining order.

https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/la/restraining-orders/protective-orders-stalking

[Honeycombe8]

20. Thanks so much. nt

[nocoincidences]

9. If you want to confront him,

throw it back on him:

Why are you so determined to meet a woman stranger? Is your wife on this board? Does she know you are hounding a woman to meet you? It's not like you have no witnesses, because everyone in this group has seen you badgering me to meet you. You know very well I exist, or you wouldn't keep asking me to have "coffee" with you.

What part of NO do you not understand? Do you have trouble accepting my right to consent or not? I don't want to meet you, because you have already shown me what an unpleasant jerk you are.

Stop. No. I have no interest in you.


You gotta make him squirm and be embarrassed to get him to shut up. Bullies don't respond to ignoring, that's a response that polite socially sensitive people understand

Call him out as a fool and he won't bother you.

[Honeycombe8]

12. I'm thinking this might be worth a try. Thanks. nt

[Socal31]

32. Terrible idea.

Some of these responses suggesting escalation on your end are ignorant. They must be members who have never seen the potential consequences of engaging with beligerants who may cause you harm.

Disengage, clearly ask for it to stop the next time it happens, with the threat of civil action if it continues. Be prepared to carry out that threat if necessary.

Source: I went through the nightmare of having to obtain 2 restraining orders recently. Don't escalate unless you know 100% how the other party will respond.

The people telling you to bring up his family and meet him in person are trying to get you hurt, even if unknowingly.

[Honeycombe8]

33. Well...I am now thinking I'm going to withdraw from that community group.

I'll just stick with the other groups like gardening, lost & found pets, and such. The Trumper males are...well, you know.

If I do FB at all. I belong to a gardening group not in FB, after all. I just joined FB for the first time last year, anyway. I'll survive.

Thanks for your advice.

[cwydro]

39. No. Please don't do that.

Trolls live for continued engagement.

Block, and/or ignore.

[CountAllVotes]

19. Better yet

Ok go ahead and meet the freak.

Tell him to fuck off!

I'd still get rid of the Fakebook acct. as Fakebook sux!

[Honeycombe8]

22. Several posters have suggested leaving FB. Maybe that's the answer.

No way do I want to meet the guy. This is a grown man in his 40s with a family...not a juvenile or silly young dude with time on his hands. It's bizarre.

Thank you!

[CountAllVotes]

24. Look at all of the energy it is sucking out of you

It could be used in so many ways that are positive.

And, furthermore, YOU do not need the stress! It is not good for you!

Take care!!

[zipplewrath]

25. Offer to meet him

At the police station.

[Hav]

28. I'm amazed that some would recommend to meet a stranger who could be unstable

and who shows this kind of aggressive behavior. You don't win anything at all by meeting him. Don't do that and don't reveal any personal information. The group in general seems quite hostile as well. Your input doesn't seem to be appreciated and your concerns for stalking are ignored. Your options are either documenting his stalking if you intend to get Admins/FB involved, block or ignore him or just leave the group. But that is easy for us to tell. I can understand wanting to be engaged in a local community or trying to get involved in interesting discussions.

I have no experience with stalkers but you just don't know with which kind of person you are dealing. Some just want the attention and move on when they get bored, some could become more dangerous when you don't give them the attention.

[Honeycombe8]

31. I tend to agree with you.

I don't really want to spend time & energy on someone like that.

I have a lot of things to do that are more positive.

Thanks so much for your opinion! (BTW...one of the ones who said to offer to meet him...said in the text of the post "offer to meet him....at the police station." LOL.)

Thanks!

[OriginalGeek]

30. at the very least

have you locked your account so only your friends can see and post to your timeline? You can block him so he can't see your posts or start conversations with you - except what you post in a public group.

His only driving goal is to get under your skin. If you act like he isn't there he loses. If he threatens something illegal, you go to the police.

[LuckyCharms]

37. You know what I would do to stop it once and for all?

Take this for what it is worth, because everyone here will disagree with me.

Go to meet him, and arrange to have the biggest, scariest, meanest bastard you can find waiting in the wings.

I'm not suggesting physical violence against the guy, but someone can put the fear into him verbally, with vague but purposeful statements. Make him believe that some crazy loon is looking out for your best interests.

I say this because...sometimes that is what it takes to stop people like this. You have to make them afraid.

He is messing with you? You make him fearful. It's that simple. Baby steps and niceness sometimes don't work.

Do it right, and he will avoid you like the plague.

[cwydro]

40. No effing way should she meet this asshole.

Sorry, but your advice is dangerous and wrong.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

41. The best way to deal with a stalker is to ignore him completely

because what they want more than anything is a reaction from you. Read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker.

[Honeycombe8]

42. I tried that. That didn't stop him.

If it weren't a community forum, it wouldn't matter so much. But I can't have someone going around calling me a troll and whatever, to people I have or will come into contact with. It damages a person's reputation in the community, or makes people suspicious of you.

But I do agree that if it were a non-local group, that would be a good way to go. Thanks!

[ProfessorGAC]

43. I Know You Feel Surrounded, But. . .

. . .just ignore "it". You said above you needed to be seeing what he was saying about you, but you didn't say why.

Me, i'd just say "fuck it, what do i care" and put the idiot on ignore.

And, amplifying others here, DO NOT MEET WITH THIS FREAK!

[Honeycombe8]

44. Yeah...I didn't think meeting w/him was a good idea. No way. nt