Separation Anxiety for Parents?

[RazBerryBeret]

My oldest son moved out this weekend. He's 21, he has moved into a dorm and a college apartment before but always with the premise that he was going to come back.
I didn't think I'd have a hard time with this, he's staying in the same city, but I am struggling.
I don't know why this is hitting me so hard, but it is.
Any other parent experience pretty major anxiety/depression when their child moves out?

[Turbineguy]

1. Sounds normal to me...

All the best! It seems much better than "whew, glad that ***** moved out!"

[RazBerryBeret]

7. you are totally right.

Big Picture, I know this is exactly how this needs to go... I will come to terms with it eventually!

[Ohiogal]

2. Part of being a parent

is watching them leave the nest .... I have 3 adult sons, one has left home and lives an hour away, the other two could both very well leave some time this summer.

I love all my kids' company .... they are so smart, have a great sense of humor, and are willing to help me with anything I need help with. You just miss them so much, but you know you have to let them go and live their own lives. I know exactly how you feel. You're not alone!

We watched a rerun recently of the episode of All In The Family where Mike and Gloria leave for California... wow did that ever hit home. .....

[RazBerryBeret]

4. I will have to avoid that episode

of All in the Family for a while! it seems everything makes me cry this weekend... whew. I cried at the grocery store last night, not buying his favorite foods! Imma mess.... but yeah, like you said we raise them to be smart and funny and they've grown into adults that I actually love to talk to, debate issues, talk about experiences.
I'm sure it will just be another adjustment on my part.

Hey, I'm an Ohio Gal too, Columbus area.

[Ohiogal]

17. I never understood people who would say

they couldn’t wait for their kids to move out.... I always found that so sad. But I guess everyone’s circumstances are different. We just must be insanely lucky to have adult children whose company we enjoy so much. It’s just another one of those life changes that punches you in the gut at first, but after time, you will adjust.

There are a few of us here from NE Ohio...

[Phentex]

3. Very much so!

I heard so many parents say they couldn't WAIT for their kids to move out and they talked about all the things they were going to do. I felt weird telling them that I really struggled with it. The first was the worst. We were so close and we talked all the time. When he was away at college, he did text but the calls were just light catching up on things. Holiday breaks were great!

I got to enjoy time alone with my other son but he left the next fall. And it was just another adjustment. And it was even harder for my husband.

It's gets better and they learn to appreciate you even more. And then they mature a little and your relationship changes again. I guess it's just part of life.

Hang in there!

[RazBerryBeret]

5. Thanks Phentex!

and same here, I have friends who are glad when their kids leave.... this is pretty painful for me.
My momma has told me, "honey, they have to leave and start their own lives". my answer was "why? they can just live here, I'm fine with that". haha.

[Arkansas Granny]

6. Here's what helped me as my kids left home. Think of yourself at that age

and you realize that what you didn't know, you learned in a hurry. Meanwhile, you're still available if a safety net is needed.

[RazBerryBeret]

9. Good advice

When I was that age i guess I didn't realize that me leaving the nest had such an effect on my mom. As i'm sure my son doesn't either.

[no_hypocrisy]

8. I come from a dysfunctional family. When I moved out of my parents' house,

my closing remark was along the lines of "Good luck. You'll need it." I was used as a buffer in a myriad of parental arguments. I was escaping and they had to deal with each other for the first time since I was born.

[RazBerryBeret]

10. did your parents work it out?

i'm sure that completely changed their relationship.

[no_hypocrisy]

11. They really had to learn to deal with each other.

They stayed married (dysfunctionally, of course) until my mother died. Last communication between them (Mom couldn't talk): Mom looked fiercely at Dad in her hospital bed. One eye said "Fuck" and the other eye said "you!"

[RazBerryBeret]

14. Ha.

I probably shouldn't laugh at that, but very funny! glad you made it out with a sense of humor.

[no_hypocrisy]

16. Let me put it to you this way: I put the "fun" in dysfunctional . . . . .

[FM123]

12. Yes!

I too felt awful when my oldest son went away to college, and even worse when he moved out after graduation. The second time was different though, I expected it to hit me harder because I knew he was not moving back. But something shifted, after a few months we had a new normal (he moved only a few towns away, less than an hour) and I was shocked at how well I bounced back! I was sadder for a shorter period of time and when I bounced back it was a full return to my normal level of happy. I think that the cycle of anticipation of coming home and the dread of his going away year after year for college was great training for me. I had built up great "mom muscles" that I did not realize I had.

[Brainstormy]

13. I remember it.

when I dropped them off at college. We were expecting them to come back but it's SUCH a milestone. Bound to make us a little sad and introspective.

[Evergreen Emerald]

15. Yes. It hit me so hard!

I was surprised at my reaction. At first I was ok, and excited about the new chapter in my life, and excited for my daughter.

But I found myself coming home from work and laying on the couch with tons of chocolate! I spent much of my adult life caring for her, supporting her, worrying about her. And suddenly....everything changed.

It was a difficult transition. But, I started making plans with friends, and goals that allowed me to focus on something else. One of the goals was to lose the weight I gained while in the state of depression!

I know how you feel. It does get better.

[RazBerryBeret]

18. Thank you.

and chocolate!!

I've been thinking about doing more things with friends, reverting back to that almost "before kids" time of my life.
I realized I spent the first 10 or so "mom years" doing everything for them, anticipating everything and trying to be prepared.
Then after about 10 years I realized I could ask them for help, they could do stuff for me and I began to depend on them.
Now that they're leaving the sense of loss is pretty huge.

[tanyev]

19. My mom certainly did, to the point where sometimes I felt smothered and resentful.

And she lived a good long life, so this went on for several decades. I was never more than 5 hours away by car and I came back to visit several times a year, but it would have been nice to know I was coming back because I wanted to and not because I was expected to.

Maybe you can start thinking about the opportunities that arise from change rather than focusing on the loss? Good luck!