I've been told my ex-husband died this morning

[HeiressofBickworth]

He left me in 1988;the divorce was final in 1990. I got over it a long time ago. We didn't have children together. I feel nothing. Should I be feeling something? If so, what?

[elleng]

1. You 'should' feel whatever you feel.

That's life, you've moved on.

[Archae]

2. How did you get along the past year or so?

Have you not spoken him since 1990?

If it were me I would think abou the good times you may have had with him.

[HeiressofBickworth]

4. I haven't seen him in about 18 years

And that was only seeing him briefly in a grocery store and we didn't have occasion to speak. My daughter (not his) stayed in touch with him (if seeing him once a year on her birthday counts as "staying in touch&quot . Her daughter is 17 and although he lived nearby, he never met her. I never did have problems with him, no arguments, no money problems, he just up and left one day. After some grief counseling, I got over it and moved on with my life.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear HeiressofBickworth...

I'd say feel whatever you feel. If you feel nothing, then that's certainly appropriate.

He hasn't been part of your life for decades. And without children, there are no tangible ties for you to cling to...

I guess if I were you, and I most certainly am not, I might be thinking of how my life was with him in it. I might replay what led up to the divorce...

You moved on a long time ago.

It's as though he was a stranger to you..........a stranger you once were married to.

[TrogL]

5. There are no shoulds with grief

[Kali]

6. no "shoulds" with this sort of thing

other than you "should" not feel guilty for whatever you DO (or do not) feel

he has been out of your life long enough that it seems to be simply news of someone you once know, there are still little reactions to that kind of news (the connection to our own mortality for example)

[RebelOne]

7. I was present when my ex-husband died.

We had kept in contact. He lived in Alabama and I live in Georgia. My daughter wanted to go there when he became sick. She drove up from South Florida, and we went to Alabama and stayed with his current wife until he passed.

[Arkansas Granny]

8. You can't make yourself feel something that isn't there.

If he hadn't been in your life in such a long time, I can understand why you feel as you do.

[rug]

9. That's odd, isn't it?

Kind of like faint thunder over a far mountain.

[rurallib]

11. Think you really nailed it

maybe some curiosity about what the noise was, but no desire to go see.
I guess I would feel like any old flame. Most of them I haven't thought about in decades.

[LaurenG]

10. My ex died in April of 2010

he was a horrible human being and we had a daughter together. I still felt sad. We can't help how we feel.

[dawg]

12. I'm still legally married to my "ex".

If anything ever happened to her, it would devastate me. But I don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do.