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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMy brother died this morning
Last edited Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:10 PM - Edit history (1)
My brother passed away suddenly this morning in his apartment in NJ. He was evidently having trouble breathing and 911 was called. Unfortunately they were unable to revive him. He had sleep apnea and was on a cpap machine. He was addicted to cigarette smoking.
I was notified by the police who called me from his cell phone. I knew he was in poor health, but this was still a huge shock to me. He lived more than 200 miles from me and making arrangements is going to be complicated.
He was 67 years old, 2 1/2 years younger than I am. He was a sales consultant for a moving company in NJ. He loved motorcycles and had a tremendous sense of humor. with a joke for any occasion. He spoke Estonian and German. He attended Estonian Saturday school in NJ as a child, and went to an Estonian children's summer camp in Long Island, NY.
Our parents died many years ago, and he was my only sibling. Other than my husband, kids and grandkids, our only other close relative is a cousin in Estonia and her kids. Our parents were immigrants from Estonia by way of a displaced persons refugee camp in Germany. He had a difficult life in many ways, including substance abuse.
I am about to break down at this point, but wanted people to know.
SheltieLover
(57,073 posts)sl8
(13,767 posts)Tetrachloride
(7,841 posts)drray23
(7,627 posts)So sorry about this.
JohnSJ
(92,190 posts)onecaliberal
(32,854 posts)RKP5637
(67,108 posts)Duncanpup
(12,842 posts)DuaneT
(46 posts)brer cat
(24,565 posts)A sudden loss is difficult to absorb. I hope you have many memories to comfort you.
Mme. Defarge
(8,028 posts)Phoenix61
(17,003 posts)mercuryblues
(14,531 posts)sdfernando
(4,935 posts)I wish there was more I could do but know you and your brother are in my thoughts today. In time the pain will ease and only the good memories and good times will remain and a smile will replace the sadness.
2naSalit
(86,600 posts)Glorfindel
(9,729 posts)Deepest condolences.
pandr32
(11,582 posts)What a painful loss.
Picaro
(1,521 posts)highplainsdem
(48,975 posts)RustyWheels
(123 posts)My sincerest condolences.
LoisB
(7,203 posts)strength.
XanaDUer2
(10,664 posts)Dr. Shepper
(3,014 posts)niyad
(113,302 posts)Your DU family is here for you.
vlyons
(10,252 posts)You will get through your grief. Your husband and children are there to comfort you. Your brother's suffering from ill health and other obstacles are over. May he rest in peace.
Gore1FL
(21,132 posts)OAITW r.2.0
(24,468 posts)heartfelt condolences.
wryter2000
(46,042 posts)Hang in there. DU is with you.
pazzyanne
(6,552 posts)It is very hard when a loved one passes away unexpectedly. Prayers in the wind. Take care of you, as you are handling your brother's arrangements.
pnwmom
(108,977 posts)LaMouffette
(2,030 posts)break down, break downfor a while. Give yourself all the time you need to mourn the loss of your brother.
Wishing you the very best!
FakeNoose
(32,639 posts)May you find peace and solace in the memory of your brother from happier days.
orleans
(34,051 posts)jmbar2
(4,886 posts)Losing a sibling is always hard. My heart goes out to you. Be kind to yourself and let go of regrets. You did the best you could. I'm sure he passed with good memories of you.
AngryOldDem
(14,061 posts)LastLiberal in PalmSprings
(12,586 posts)Ocelot II
(115,686 posts)markie
(22,756 posts)it's ok not to be ok right now! take the time needed to grieve
NNadir
(33,517 posts)TygrBright
(20,759 posts)livetohike
(22,142 posts)good memory comfort you. Wishing you strength as you go through this process and sending hugs .
GoneOffShore
(17,339 posts)irisblue
(32,973 posts)UpInArms
(51,283 posts)Lonestarblue
(9,988 posts)Hang in there. You have much empathy here on DU.
liberalmuse
(18,672 posts)What a way to start the day. I got the call about my brother and had to break the news to everyone else. I felt the world turning upside down as I was getting the news. Please take care of yourself and let yourself fully grieve. I didn't let myself deal with the full impact at the time and can't do it even decades later.
Sucha NastyWoman
(2,748 posts)Hope for your healing from the pain.
CJW
(120 posts)So sorry.
SKKY
(11,806 posts)...hits different.
minstrel76
(83 posts)Hekate
(90,678 posts)
does, although from a different point of view. They were there with you.
May all your memories of him be dear.
dlk
(11,566 posts)Were here for you
Lady Freedom Returns
(14,120 posts)whathehell
(29,067 posts)Deepest condolences to you.
c-rational
(2,592 posts)KPN
(15,645 posts)and grief you must be feeling. Peace be with you.
Grumpy Old Guy
(3,163 posts)RFCalifornia
(440 posts)Hugs
CentralMass
(15,265 posts)momta
(4,079 posts)I'm very close with my three brothers. I'm the only girl. ("Girl". I'm 58.) We're all getting on in age, but so far we are all in decent health. Still, our father died suddenly of a heart attack without much warning, so I worry.
Take care of yourself. And thanks for telling us about your brother. Sounds like a good guy.
virgdem
(2,126 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(145,216 posts)zbird
(1,595 posts)May your brother rest in peace. Sending hugs and love your way.
area51
(11,908 posts)flying_wahini
(6,594 posts)barbtries
(28,793 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,455 posts)cate94
(2,810 posts)denvine
(800 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)Losing a sibling is extremely hard and Carries its own special pain and shock. My brother died about 50 years ago and I still mourn for him. Sometimes it feels like it just happened recently. Im sorry for your loss.
tavernier
(12,388 posts)I am first-generation from Latvia and those years and experiences made it difficult for many of the people who lived through those times and their sons and daughters. Before I had my kids and their extended families, I used to laugh and say that my family could hold a reunion in a telephone booth because after we immigrated here so many of our folks were left back there. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your brother.
Karadeniz
(22,513 posts)applegrove
(118,642 posts)stage left
(2,962 posts)for your loss.
Faux pas
(14,672 posts)to all who knew and loved him.
Lucy
(241 posts)ahlnord
(91 posts)I am truly sorry for the loss of your brother. Thank you for sharing your grief here, as well as some background on your family. I admire the people of Estonia and am so grateful to them for their courage and support in helping expose the Russian interference in our election. In fact, I am so grateful and impressed that I booked a trip in 2020, with the goal of experiencing Estonia and thanking Estonians personally. Of course, that trip had to be cancelled due to the pandemic. And so I still have not hugged an Estonian! In reading of your sorrow here, I wish I could hug you in offering my condolences. Peace be with you.
SimplyHadEnough
(46 posts)For the loss of your Brother
GentryDixon
(2,950 posts)Maeve
(42,282 posts)Thank you for informing your friends. Now take time for yourself.
MLAA
(17,288 posts)gademocrat7
(10,656 posts)progressoid
(49,990 posts)mzmolly
(50,992 posts)loss.
IbogaProject
(2,811 posts)A good friend of ours was half Estonia half Swedish, came after the war w parents. He died in 2020. He as active at the Estonia House east 34th St NYC.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)So sorry to hear the sad news.
IzzaNuDay
(362 posts)Keep the good memories close as you mourn his passing.
LymphocyteLover
(5,644 posts)mahina
(17,652 posts)Sending you hope for comfort and peace.
Maraya1969
(22,479 posts)she said one of the worst things about getting older was everyone dying on you. I am in a very similar situation as you but I don't have a husband/wife and/or kids. It feels very weird.
murielm99
(30,739 posts)It is tough to lose a brother.
Nevilledog
(51,101 posts)sheshe2
(83,754 posts)CaptainTruth
(6,591 posts)cayugafalls
(5,640 posts)You will be in my thoughts.
Sleep well and get some rest.
GeoWilliam750
(2,522 posts)femmedem
(8,203 posts)Such a young guy to die suddenly, and he sounds like he was wonderful brother.
I think a loss like that is even harder now when we are all already so isolated.
Jim__
(14,075 posts)OMGWTF
(3,955 posts)My niece moved from Seattle to Tallinn three years ago and I don't think she's ever coming back. Hoping to visit her in 2023.
Sogo
(4,986 posts)Your love for your brother comes through in your writing.
Wishing you peace.
Not Heidi
(1,288 posts)Solly Mack
(90,765 posts)Evolve Dammit
(16,725 posts)and lost my brother a year ago. Brother-in-law (also from immigrant family) three months ago. There will always be a hole there. Please take care of yourself and reach out and hug those close to you. I know that sounds like advice, but what else do we have at a time like this? We care here and will have you in our thoughts.
TNNurse
(6,926 posts)We (DU) are keeping you in our thoughts.
Scrivener7
(50,949 posts)58Sunliner
(4,386 posts)Skittles
(153,160 posts)I have lost two brothers, one just last May, and I know the feeling
mia
(8,360 posts)Love and peace to you as you navigate through this sad and difficult time.
hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)Sibling loss is hard, and losing the last family member is traumatic. Please take some tome to take care of yourself.
liberalla
(9,247 posts)Death and grieving is a difficult subject for me. I don't have comforting or wise words to offer, other than my sincere condolences.
We do however, have a Bereavement Group that you may find helpful. It has helped me at times.
TruthAlwaysWins
(32 posts)I cant imagine how difficult this is for you. Know that many of your friends on DU are thinking of you and wishing strength and peace for you at this time.
orangecrush
(19,551 posts)Deepest sympathy.
dem4decades
(11,288 posts)Demovictory9
(32,454 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(11,605 posts)Laffy Kat
(16,377 posts)I wish you strength and comfort in the days ahead.
calimary
(81,256 posts)A heavy load when shared is at least a little easier to bear.
Im so sorry for your loss. But I want to share that kind reminder that Skittles posted here long ago, that Ive never forgotten. Someones always here. Its true, and hopefully it can be at least a small comfort to you during this time. You wont be mourning alone.
CarmanJohn
(22 posts)I truly understand the addiction to smoking. Been smoking cigarettes for over 43 years now. There is No doubt in my mind that one day it will Kill me.
It's All about the desire to WANT to stop.
Again my Most Sincere Condolences on Your Loss.
electric_blue68
(14,891 posts)Granny M
(1,395 posts)LuckyCharms
(17,425 posts)happy feet
(869 posts)Backseat Driver
(4,392 posts)samplegirl
(11,477 posts)May he have eternal peace.
olegramps
(8,200 posts)It is a terrible addiction and difficult to get rid of. I am thankful that I was finally able to stop, but it was very difficult. I didn't escape without getting COPD that is a least controllable at the point. I add my condolences for your loss. When I see kids smoking I would like to be able to convince them to stop but know it probably would be considered an unwelcome interference.
luvallpeeps
(935 posts)So sorry for your loss. 🙏🏼😔
Yorkie Mom
(16,420 posts)paleotn
(17,912 posts)JPPaverage
(508 posts)Sounds like your brother was a fine man. May he rest in Power.
COL Mustard
(5,897 posts)peggysue2
(10,828 posts)Losing your only sibling is devastating and can make you feel marooned as the last surviving member of your birth family.
My only sibling (sister) died 2 years ago this month, a year younger than your brother. I too lived a good distance away. However, my sister had a loving partner who made all the funeral arrangements, followed her last wishes to the letter, a viewing and memorial in Florida and then an additional memorial and burial in NJ. My sister Kathy died right before Covid became a global scourge.
It still hurts, haunts in ways I did not anticipate. The passage of time helps but, of course, that means little in the moment of loss. Lean on your husband and kids for support; their love will boost you and provide strength.
It's hard. It just is.