No need to keep the letters.
The exercise is about letting go completely, purging yourself of the anger. Releasing yourself from being attached to these people by how upset you are.
It tends to bring clarity and answers.
Once your mind knows you have allowed the feelings to be there and happen and the burn releases your angry words other parts of the scenario can show up.
Or if you prefer, take up racquet ball and imagine hitting the ball at a picture of the person pinned to the wall. It's the anger energy that needs validation, release and then it will subside to the point where more can be understood.
My first husband tried to kill me when he was in a drunken black out. I wrote him many letters. Obviously since he remembered nothing about it, I was the one who needed to process. But I had every right to be angry. If he had succeeded, I would have been dead. Regardless of whether he was cogzinantly aware of his part in it.
Once I got past the anger, I had a lot more personal power in situations with him. I was calm and able to be assertive and not lose my head over stupid stuff he would do.
He once called the police on me because he wanted to keep the play pen for my grandson that I bought and was at his home because my Son had stayed with his Father and had the baby visiting there. Father and Son got in a fight. Father kicked Son out. Fine. But it was my property and I had a right to it and if he did not want to give it back, he had no right to charge me storage. I stood in his driveway laughing while the police were called.
Eventually, he gave it to the other Grandma so I could pick it up without him having to deal with me. We needed it, as it was a pack and play that also doubled as a bassinet for the baby to sleep in. So if my Son had his Son for visitation, it was what the kid slept in at night.
Anyway. Instead of staying mad and crazy, I moved on immediately in that moment. Because I had written all those letters I didn't have a backlog of angst or unheard feelings to pile up into that moment. I didn't need to vent at him for all the other stupid stuff that had happened before.
I had that situation and it was just a pain in the arse, but nothing unusual for him. So I let the police assess the situation and see if they could convince him to give me my property. They couldn't, but they planted the seed that yielded the ultimate soultion and kept him from doing stupid stuff outside where I stood.
For me I felt like I was no longer hooked into his games. I was refusing to play them. I was behaving like an adult. Whatever his choices, they weren't my problem or responsibility anymore.
Make sense?
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