An elderly gentleman slowly shuffled into an ice cream parlor.

[LuckyCharms]

He was hunched over and in obvious pain, and he moaned loudly as he sat down on the stool at the counter.

He said to the waitress "banana split please".

As the waitress was preparing the banana split and putting on the finishing touches, she asked the gentleman "Crushed nuts"?

He replied "No, arthritis".

[UTUSN]

1. *Wasn't* me! - haven't had any sweets past 2 weeks since my "doctor"

threw a fit over my 675 triglicerides and stamped his feet about risk for stroke and pancreatitis.

What good is life without earthly pleasures (pastries, ice creme, chicken fried steak)