MY DIL is "not a real mom" to my grandson

[Rorey]

We've just gone through the week from hell in my family. One of my grandsons has been struggling for quite some time with various addictions. He spent four days in the hospital, much of it in the ICU. He's an adult (only 20), so he can make his own decisions, but he thankfully wanted to go to a treatment facility to get help. The problem was that he'd have to wait possibly up to several days after his release from the hospital for the facility to have a place for him.

His "real" mom (birth mother) cried that he absolutely couldn't go to her house in the interim. My son said that of course he could go to his house. My daughter-in-law didn't hesitate to say that of course he was always welcome at their house and that he was family, and their house would always be my grandson's home. I can't begin to express my gratitude for having such a wonderful DIL. I didn't have a doubt in my mind that she'd say that. She's been more of a mom to my grandson that his "real mom" has ever been.

But, according to mtg, my DIL is not my grandson's "real mom".

[niyad]

1. Bless your DIL. Traitor greene gives idiots a bad name.

I have always thought that parenting was far more about love than biology.

[Rorey]

2. Absolutely agree

I absolutely adore both of my DILs. I don't know how we got so lucky as a family to have them in our lives.

[badhair77]

3. Sounds like your DIL has the heart of a "real" mom.

I’m so glad your grandson has such strong support and I wish you all the best in these coming days. Peace and love to your family.

[Rorey]

4. Thank you so much

She was a "real mom" very early on when she came into our lives. When she and my son got married, she spoke very sweet separate vows to my then young grandson. Since then they had two more sons, and I know she loves them all equally.

[MadameButterfly]

5. According to MTG I'm not my legally adopted daughter's real mom

Do you know how damaging this is to adopted children everywhere?

When you've raised a child from infancy to adulthood, statements like MTG's are merely annoying. Much nicer people than her don't understand that how you got the child is nothing compared to spending a lifetime together. Things even I thought might matter when I began like race and not sharing like traits disappear completely. You love the child, you are all-in. You educate people who don't get it when you can. You don't buy into it.

But children trying to find their identity and having trouble being different are not armed for the kind of hate MTG spews. She has no reason to demean my girl, and a thousand others. She needs to stop.

[Rorey]

7. I kind of suspect that mtg isn't "all-in" as a mother

She's just dangerous noise. She's just so despicable in every way.

Happy Mother's Day, MadameButterfly!

[barbtries]

6. mtg is a vile person.

truly vile.

[Rorey]

8. It's as if she feeds on hate

She's the most dangerous kind of vile, because she's also SO incredibly stupid and ignorant.

[vlyons]

9. Ignore the ugly label, "not a real mom"

We do not exist with other people's labels. Their labels are what they create in their very own minds. As such, they show us who they really are.

[debm55]

11. My own mother told me, I was not my son's real mother. She can't understand why the birth mother's

family didn't take him. Called him a b_____d. Never said she was sorry, even when I told her broke my heart. But today, I have to wish her a happy Mother's Day. I am dreading that.

[vlyons]

12. One of the greatest challenges in Buddhism is to have compassion for everyone equally

Yes, even the dreadful assholes, who do and say things that are hurtful. They also need compassion, because their minds are filled with ignorance, delusions, and all sorts of negativities. They do not find any joy in the success, happiness, and well-being of others. Deep down they are not happy people. And their negative view of the world is unmindful and habitual. So they condemn themselves to habitually repeating the same patterns over and over.

Try to see your Mom as an opportunity to generate generosity of spirit, compassion, and patience.

[debm55]

13. It is hard, very hard to put the hurtful words and actions away.

Last edited Sun May 14, 2023, 05:03 PM - Edit history (1)

[vlyons]

14. Words, thoughts, and feelings are all empty

It took me a long time to understand the teachings on emptiness. Essentially, they are devoid of intrinsic self-existence. For starters, they don't really exist. They have no mass. So you can't put them on a scale and weigh them. They are impermanent, only to be replaced with the next thoughts and feelings. If we are unmindful, the next thoughts and feelings will most likely be in the habitual pattern of the previous ones. We cannot control what others do and say. We can only control what we do and say.

When my thoughts begin to dwell on past unpleasantries, I tell myself, "Don't go there. That's not helpful."

[SharonAnn]

10. She does "mothering things". Ergo, she's a mother.