I feel like I've overcome a major obstacle this weekend
A mental road block, if you will.
I'm in college for the third time. I'm a part time student and a junior at a branch of Indiana University in Richmond, Indiana called IU East.
The first time I was in college I dropped out when I was 20. I had become severely mentally ill and it was hard enough for me to just get out of bed in the morning let alone do calculus and biology and such. The second time was 10 years later after I finally had the mental illness under control (it turned out to be bipolar disorder). I was back in school again for a couple of quarters when I ran into a buzz-saw of a professor who didn't think I could do anything right. I was an English major at the time and he was an English professor. I took it to mean that I sucked at writing and would never make it in any kind of writing oriented career. So I hopped back in that semi and took up gear jamming again.
I was an 'A' student both times and I really can write, but I've suffered from a lack of confidence throughout my life and it got the better of me. It didn't help that someone in a position of authority was constantly cutting me down. I really don't know what he had against me.
A long time ago I was sitting for a job interview and the guy kept asking me difficult, probing questions and it made me feel uncomfortable. I was back-pedaling the whole time. Finally, he asked me if I've ever noticed that I back down when I'm challenged. We aren't talking about climbing Mount Everest here. Just the kind of ordinary situations you run across in life that you either work through or back away from. I was always backing away.
I didn't get that job and I don't have an English degree or a writing career, but I might have if I would have just pushed ahead. I might have proved myself if I just would have stayed in that class and worked. If not to the professor, then to myself.
Well, this is my second semester back in school and the work load is heavy between my job and school. I was having a really difficult time in a finite math course I'm taking (God, it's been 19 years since I had algebra), and on Thursday of last week I felt that it just wasn't worth it. I decided Thursday evening to drop out and went on the school web site to do it electronically, but the site kicked back an error message when I went to drop the classes and wouldn't let me do it.
I thought about it all day Friday at work. I had it planned in my head how I was going to get a better truck driving job and make more money. I had to get to school by 5pm to drop the classes and get a 50% refund. Two o'clock rolled around and there was nothing left to do at work so I asked the boss if I could leave early and planned on heading up to school. He told me I couldn't so I did a little busy work and then figured I'd sit in the break room until he told me I could go.
I sat there for about a half hour and it dawned on me what I was doing. I was backing down again. I had the opportunity to make a better life for myself and my family and I was letting a little freshman math class stand in my way.
I finished up my math homework about an hour ago. It took me about five hours, but it wasn't as tough as I thought it would be and I really understand it. The IT department at IU East and my boss don't know what they've done for me, but I feel like I owe them in a big way.
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I feel like the opportunity of getting my degree when I was young was robbed from me, and I've always wanted to get back there and finish up. It's like unfinished business.
I'll be there after a few more beers. 
You are really a good guy. I don't think some people here know that and I know some people give you a hard time every once in a while. But I think you are genuinely a good person, and I have good reason to think so. Thanks for the kind words.
Oh, and I know you can string a word or two together. I bet a lot of people don't know that.
Once you start, you want more and more of it.
It's a big hurdle you overcame, Tobin. Now go home to your wife, she's waiting.
You're a good guy. Do you know that? 
taken a GIANT step forward. Kudos to you!
When you know yourself well enough to make the necessary adjustments to take the next productive step in your life.
Good for you.
