Old age pondering
I’m 78. That’s the old age part. The pondering part seems to come in broad swarths now as my mind hovers over decades of living. Success and failure, joy and tragedy, wise choices and stupid mistakes. I think with gratitude about my daughter and son, I honor old friends who have stuck with me no matter what, and occasionally think of the handful of creeps I wish I’d never met.
I have almost no good childhood memories, but I do have some that hold a lesson or remind me of something larger than life. A long time ago I wrote something on DU about a childhood memory of Memorial Day and patriotism, about white gloves and a flag with a brass eagle. The lines of parade observers standing straight made quite an impression on me. It was comforting for me to learn that the chaos at home wasn’t everywhere outside.
My daughter’s recent visit and discussions about her young sons jump-started my return to deep-dive pondering. In my world little things mean a lot. A thank you note, a door held open, help carrying a heavy box, a random act of kindness. I try to believe with all my heart that these examples of civility will continue to be passed on and on and on. I continue to hope that goodness will shine through and hate will be forced over the cliff. I’m not the idealist I used to be, but I’ve certainly seen that “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother” thing work. Again and again. I don’t mean to ramble, but I must say there are so many “He ain’t heavy” people here at DU. People with compassion, insight, tolerance. People who know what counts.You give me so much hope, not just for today but for tomorrow. I mean it. Thank you.
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Many children grow up in tough, chaotic families. It is a terrible reality that robs children of the love and support they need to thrive. Your community example that made such an impression on you in your childhood brought back memories of the community my brother and I felt so at home in. Our school, our community center, our parks, the community events, and the people all gave us a sense of order and belonging in so many ways.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It made me pause and appreciate it.
Happy Valentine's week to you.
It always surprises me how vivid some old memories remain. Not all but many. Some visit us unexpectedly and become like old friends. Others, not so much friends as reminders. We know who all of them are. Take care and thanks again for the post.
but I'm a bit younger than you (just turned 68). I lived with a needy, narcissistic mother all my life who made my youth not a great thing to go through. I escaped at 18 and went into the Air Force. I'm glad I did... I learned a lot, especially about myself. Like, I don't need or want the extreme structure that's imposed... necessarily... from that organization. But I did learn I had a hard core survivor inside myself. I also learned I have a huge soft heart, as well.
When I was young, I wanted to be a writer. I wrote short stories every day. I rarely let anyone read them. They were like my friends. As a young girl, overweight, not athletic, and very brainy you can imagine I wasn't sitting at the popular girls table! (LOL). One of the worst days of my life was when I came home from school one day to find my mom had found my short story notebook and ripped up all the stories. I never wrote another short story again. Although I did move on to poetry, and kept it hidden at school.
Someone above me mentioned PTSD through our daily lives. I do believe there are things that impact us so much that it does leave us with a form of PTSD. I think many of us, even those of us here at DU, suffer a form of PTSD brought on by trumps term in office. Every time he opens his mouth; every new thing he or his minions seem to get away with just gigs those feelings. I know I never had high blood pressure until he got into office. Somedays, I wonder who'll go first -- him or me! (LOL)
But we who are older have our very livlihoods threatened by him and the gop. I know we skew older here... most of us have been here since bush the younger, at least. I was registered and active back then, but lost everything and had to restart anew here. I don't know how we skew on the economic scale, though I figure there's a lot of us just like me... barely making it with just social security checks and maybe a small annuity making up our entire income. It doesn't leave much for "fun" or any other disposable income. When the gop starts talking changing or getting rid of SS, we know what that means. Most of us were alive before our parents and grandparents had SS. We remember what it was like for them, and for us. Yes, families lived in intergenerational homes because that's the only way grandma and grandpa could live and eat. But that meant less for the nuclear family -- not that anyone beyond us kids complained. Most of went to work in our early teens and earned a pittance per week. But it was enough to buy that magazine we wanted; or to buy a tank of gas.
I remember how grownup I felt when I bought my first "16" magazine -- $.25. And I remember the gas wars with gas at a nickel or a dime a gallon. Fifty cents and my motorcycle had a full tank! I was set. We had red lines we couldn't cross in our behavior, and we'd been taught right from wrong to the point it was internalized forever within us.
I detest Maga. No... "detest" isn't the right word. It isn't strong enough. But I understand that's the world they want around them. It's just a shame they can't understand that world is long gone. It's gone because the people they worship, worship money and greed only. They'll never see nickel a gallon gasoline again. They'll never see a magazine priced at 25 cents, outside a garage sale. And the people around them are only good and kind to those who are within their tribe. Once, it was a truism that you can't legislate morality. I guess these people heard those words and thought, "just watch." and set about to show it false. But you can't force morality, anymore than you can legislate it... though, if they retain any power after the next election, they'll push it for all they're worth.
I miss those old days, too... in some respects. I miss being able to ride a bicycle until late in the evening after dark, and not feel afraid of who's around me. I miss meeting someone new and not having to immediately go on "defensive mode", just in case. But when you're 4'10", 94 pounds, defense is a good mode to stay in! But there are so many new opportunities, new discoveries, new people to make and experience today. We stand on the precipice of progressing forward, or falling back to the stone age, and we'll do it ourselves to ourselves.
Gods, I ramble. Thanks, democrank! (LOL) Love your moniker, btw! I will tell you one thing I hate about today... calling a business and having to go through 30 minutes of robots on the phone before you MIGHT get to a human voice. That's been my day so far.
Blessings to you, your memories, and to all of us here at DU. May we always lift each other up in the hard times, and share in the joy of the good times. I look forward to celebrating with you all in November. And may each kindness you receive be but a pay forward from someone else. "He ain't Heavy," indeed... and that includes our furry friends, too.
Thank you for the trip down memory lane, democrank! Thank you to everyone here for being who I consider "friend". We're a strange bunch, here to weather and shape the strange times in which we find ourselves. I'd just like to know what old Chinese mystic we so offended! 
I love you for your gift of understanding. Have many more sweet dreams! 
lots of good folk around
