I'm so sick of being ghosted by women on dating sites!

[Rizen]

It happens all the time. It's absolutely ridiculous how frequently I get ghosted. I don't say anything weird. Last time the messages went like this:

Me
Hi! I'm also an artist, animal lover and enjoy deep conversations. I'd like to get to know you better. What do you like to do for fun?

Her
I like to be creative and I dabble in a bunch of different hobbies. Right now, I can’t sleep so I’m playing video games, but that’s mostly a nighttime activity.
How about you?

Me
I know how that can be, not being able to sleep. Currently I'm working on a book and setting up an online presence. Authors are expected to market their own work so I'm getting a website set up for that. I also like to read, watch Netflix and play video games. Right now I'm playing Assassin's Creed Odyssey. What kinds of art do you make and what games do you like to play?

Then she ghosted me! It's very rude! I don't know why people pay hundreds of dollars for dating sites if they're going to ghost people after one message!

[blm]

1. What does ghosted mean? No reply?

[Skittles]

6. yes

behaving like you don't exist

[Ocelot II]

2. I can't imagine. That sounds like a pretty innocuous exchange,

there was nothing weird or creepy about it, but I've never used a dating site and I have no idea what I'd post or how I'd react, so I have no suggestions to offer. Maybe she doesn't like Assassin's Creed Odyssey (I don't know what that is, so can't help with that either)? How long do you wait until you figure you've been ghosted? Would it be weird or inappropriate to contact her again? I don't know how any of this is done; I prefer meeting people IRL (that way it's right up front that I'm old and homely so I don't have to worry about disappointing someone after a nice on-line conversation).

[Rizen]

10. If they don't respond in three days...

I message them again saying "are you there? Sometimes messages don't appear so I thought I'd try you again." 95% of the time it means they ghosted me.

[Mr.Bill]

3. A great way to meet people to make friends with

is to join or volunteer with an organization that does charitable work. You meet people who are trying to do something good for others, and who doesn't want to meet people like that? And even if you don't wind up romantically involved, you've still met some nice folks and did something that is good for others. Far better than paying to pound a keyboard or buying drinks for people who are only looking for that.

[Sucha NastyWoman]

21. Excellent suggestion!

[Sucha NastyWoman]

4. Maybe too many questions all at once?

Ask about one or two areas and then let them answer. Don’t know that I’d want to give up so much information up front until I could get some vibes about you.

[soldierant]

19. I don't use theose sites, but that was what occurred to me too.

TMI. Too eager so possibly too needy..

[bucolic_frolic]

5. There are shills. Should we laugh, or cry?

People are a captive audience now. "I love the nature, and run with my dog." It's all click-bait

[rubbersole]

7. A wise old sage gave me some excellent advice...

...well, he was actually a 2nd year electrician apprentice who would not put his goddammed phone down, if you don't get a reply after two attempts at contacting a potential romantic interest - hang it up old-timer. That's the digital 'Dear John' letter. They'll contact you later if they wish. He was correct. First thing he was ever correct about.

[Croney]

8. I think it was when you asked what art she makes and what games she plays, because

she actually does neither, she "dabbles in a bunch of different hobbies," if she's even the identity she presents. You dodged a bullet there.

[Rizen]

11. Her profile said she's an artist.

[madaboutharry]

9. I don't have any advice.

I do agree that ghosting is very rude. People act like not being rude cost money.

Who knows what the best way is to meet someone. My grandparents met at a New Year's Eve party while on dates with other people. My parents met at a bus stop waiting for a bus in Brooklyn when they were just teenagers. I met my spouse on a blind date after a co-worker twisted my arm to get me to go out with his best friend.

I think it can all be rather random.

[Diraven]

12. Dating sites/apps have a lot of problems

Most of them have way more men than women. Like Tinder for example is almost 5 men for every woman. So women on the sites can be very selective.

[Earth-shine]

13. No different than in real life. How many times have you heard or said "I'll call you"?

I think most people mean it when they say it. And then real life intrudes with distractions and difficulties. After a few days, it's easy not to make the call.

I've done it numerous times. I didn't mean to. It's so wrong.

[Niagara]

14. Life experiences are different for everyone.

I've always met potential love interests in real life when I wasn't looking for one.



I recommend getting out of the house and doing things that interest you. I'm not sure what type of community that you reside in and what types of activities or events are available to you in your community.


Not only will you get out the house and have hopefully wonderful experiences, you actually might meet that special someone when you're not looking for them.


In my older age, I'm more of an introvert but I still need to go places, see interesting things and experience possible once in a lifetime adventures on occasions.


That's my best advice. You don't have to take it at all. I'm only sharing what I would do.


My son uses online dating sites and has for awhile without any luck. I think he gave up on dating sites but I still encourage him to get out of his house on occasion and enjoy life experiences.

[onethatcares]

15. Jeez, keep it simple

long walks in the moonlight on the beach. Save all the in depth for the 2nd meet up

[subterranean]

16. Look at it from their perspective.

The women you are communicating with on those sites are probably in contact with several other men, or more, at any given time. They might want to take things further with only a small percentage of them after the first message or two. The rest, they decide they're not interested in for whatever reason. And they may feel awkward about telling each guy, "Sorry, I'm not interested in talking to you anymore." The guy might ask them to explain why or might think they're rude. It's a lot easier for them to just stop responding, especially after just one message. After all, they don't know you in real life! I've never used dating sites myself (married for 30 years), but I guarantee you that ghosting happens all the time, to both men and women. Try not to take it personally.

[JoseBalow]

17. Probably not even be a real person

Dating sites have been suckering people with fake interactions for many years, there is a long history of it. They use bots and fake profiles ALL THE TIME. Probably 9/10 profiles are fake on any given site. A simple internet search on the subject will tell you everything you need to know.

[Yavin4]

18. She may not have been real.

Dating sites create fake chat bots to keep you engaged on the site.

[redqueen]

20. There's a decent chance she wasn't a real person

If she was a real person then yes that's rude for sure.

If I were you I'd focus on the positives - you at least matched with someone, that alone is an accomplishment. It's not easy for guys on those apps.

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