If you noticed my many posts, I am sorry. I feel very depressed about my birthday. I have tried to get out of the funk

[debm55]

by helping my husband put together the furniture for my new art studio he made me. I always answer every single post on my OP but I don't fell like it. I slept three hours last night and the only thing I ate today was a banana. If you want me to remove this I will. I have a large lump on my breast and on my spine. My B-12 level is 200 when it should be 1000.Also in a Catch22 with my mother and sister. I talked to them once since my dad died and that was a disaster. Both of them say I was hallucinating about them both saying me and my dad having Jewish noses. My mother had a screaming fit about me taking the rosary out of Dad's hands. because I couldn't do it.She kept saying the drugs I take are making me like this. And my husband is so wrapped around my fingers that he will say anything to please me. and then it was my son"s turn. The, in her words, the ungrateful bastard that he is.I wanted to get back at her so I told her about the heart I placed in the coffin. There is that part and there is the part, that she is my mother and she and my sister have been mentally ill for a long time, My shrink and counselor both say to have nothing to do with them. The second part of the Catch 22 is what if they call. How in the hell can I speak to them? Is it right to morally avoid someone. that is mentally sick and has been her whole life. Am I making them pay for something that is beyond their control? I will delete this if anyone is offended. I took the wrong amounts of my meds last night so maybe that but me in a funk.My mother screamed that she didn;t want my rosary in there.I couldn't do it and asked my husband to do it.

[Walleye]

1. Sounds like a complicated situation but I would say, don't talk to people who make you feel bad

I hope you feel better soon, and you can come here to vent and talk about it anytime.

[debm55]

3. Walleye, I am torn between the fact that my mother says she has colon cancer(never in her life had a colonoscopy) and my

sister telling everyone that her polyp that was removed is cancer. I asked her if she had cancer and she said no. but she continued to tell the friends and relatives she did, she also told the nursing home she works at that it was cancer and they collected 1.000 dollars for her.She kept it.

[XanaDUer2]

19. Amen nt

[Mr.Bill]

2. In July of this year it will be 20 years

since I spoke to my older brother. Without going into detail, it's about his behavior and things he said to my wife around the death of my mother. I have no regrets and I feel I am a better person for it. Do what feels right for you, because there are times when you must consider yourself.

[captain queeg]

4. I had to lay down the law with one of my brothers, told him if he continued to give unsolicited advice I'd cut him off

He could tell I was serious (I’d already complained to him many times) and he actually responded. I guess that was the difference, he was capable of stopping if he wanted. Don’t really know your situation but if you want to use DU for therapy it’s ok with me. I did notice you were posting a lot lately.

[3catwoman3]

5. Your shrink and counselor are 100% right.

You have shared many horrifying stories. It does not sound as if anything ever changes.

I don't think you owe them anything at all. They are draining energy from you that you need for your own purposes.

[SharonAnn]

14. Just "divorce" them. They shouldn't be any part of your future life.

[KarenS]

6. Dear debm55 There is no need to remove this posting.

You sound very distressed and understandably so. Please please take care of yourself.
Sometimes we need to let toxic people in our lives go. I hope with some help you can figure out what you need to do in this situation. You would not be 'making them pay' you would be taking care of yourself. I hope you get some sleep tonight and feel some relief tomorrow.
Sending you ((hugs))
Karen

[Ocelot II]

7. Please take the advice of your shrink and everybody else

who has said you should cut off communication with your toxic family. They are making you miserable, and you will continue to be miserable for as long as you let them be part of your life. It's that simple: Keep your family in your life and be unhappy; cut them off and be happy. What do you want from your life - constant stress from nasty people who tell you lies and say hurtful things, or a relaxing life with your husband and activities you enjoy? You can choose. You are not helpless. Tell them to fuck right off. Don't answer the phone when they call. Be happy!

[RainCaster]

8. Hi debm55, I've been there, too

My mom was the most horrible person I've ever met in my life. I had a hard time letting her visit our kids, knowing how she could turn in an instant. But then she got Alzheimer's, and I saw someone I didn't think I would see this side of heaven. She actually forgot how to be a b***h. I was so grateful for those last few visits with her, because she was so different.

So keep your shields up, stay close to the door, and never feel bad when her actions chase you away. Go to bed early, and take a doggy or kitty with you. They are great counselors, always willing to listen.

[KatK]

9. Hope you feel better soon! n/t

[mvd]

10. Sorry to hear this, deb

You have got to do what is best for you. I know it is tempting not to let go of family, but it sounds like you have to for your well being. Wishing you good mental and physical health. The only family I have is mom. Have no siblings, my dad died and my grandparents are dead. The others in my family were disrespectful after my dad died. It is better to not have contact. Take care

[Diamond_Dog]

11. I'm so sorry, deb.

Sometimes everything just sucks doesn’t it? We all have your back here at DU. Your husband sounds wonderful making you an art studio. Please take care of yourself.

[GP6971]

12. Don't delete your post.

You have family here...lean on us.

I haven't spoken to my sister in years. I never thought it would end up this way, but it has. It was out of my control...it was her and my BIL's doing. I have a lot of remorse, but it's something I can't control. It is what it is.

[electric_blue68]

13. I think you should have as little, or nothing to do with them...

If they call ... perhaps you can say something like -
'until you treat me better I have nothing to say to you'.

Family maybe family but people that toxic should be avoided for
your own health.

And I hope your physical problems will be successfully dealt with in the time ahead.

Relax, and Delight in your new art studio!

[EverHopeful]

15. So sorry you're hurting

And hope you can find healing and can feel the love people here are sending you.

If all I can do for you is listen, I'm all ears.

[Emile]

16. You will always have us deb.

[roxybear]

17. Happy Birthday Debbie

You've got a family that loves you and cares about you; me, your son, Dolly (Dog), and Tinker (Cat). Maybe not Tinker; she's a cat and cats don't care about anyone but themselves. 😊

We'll be there for you always. Hold on tight to us because I like to think we're your "good" family.

I won't comment on your mother and sister because that's for you to say, not me.

If anyone hasn't guessed, I'm Debbie's husband. I'm not always an angel but I try to be good. Don't be too concerned about growing older; we're growing older together. I like to think we're also growing closer. I know health issues are upsetting but we'll deal with them one at a time together.

[Niagara]

18. There needs to be boundaries in any relationship.

There are going to be loyal and dependable people in our lives. We're also going to have abusive and toxic people in our lives.


It's up to you to determine how much strength that you have to deal with the later.


For myself, once someone demonstrates that fact that they're abusive, condescending, rude, insulting or toxic. That's it for me. I'm done.

The same holds true for me here on DU. I have zero tolerance for that type of behavior. It's just how I'm wired. I have no problem ghosting bad people with bad behavior.

I have a family member that I haven't engaged with in 29, almost 30 years. That family member is that terrible.


Anyways, this is my 2 cents.

Hugs and love to you, Debbie! 💕💕