I'm torn. What would you do in this situation?
Last edited Sat Sep 29, 2012, 12:36 PM - Edit history (1)
Edited Saturday afternoon, the day of the trip, 12:35 PM: I decided not to go. My thanks to everyone who weighed in. I apologize for not responding individually. I am now home while they're out on the water. I'm supposed to be doing housework, getting ready for my friends' visit. But here I am on DU, ostensibly taking a break . . .~~~
Our friends Sherree and Dorothy have a nice boat, a 33-ft cabin cruiser. Several times a year they invite us to join them on the boat for jaunts around the Choptank River, and sometimes out onto the Chesapeake Bay.
This Saturday, the event is to go out on the boat, then back to their house for dinner that Sherree's sister, who is a chef, will cook.
I don't want to go.
Pros:
* Enjoying being out on the water. It's intoxicating.
* Seeing Ichabod Heron and the fish hawks -- they're everywhere on the Choptank.
* I'll be the one driving.*
* Mrs. V. and Nephew V. really want me to go.
* Spend time with Sherree, on whom I have a massive crush.
Cons:
* It's a two-hour drive from our house to their "boat house" in Cambridge (MD). With this dinner planned, we will probably not leave Cambridge until 10-11 PM.
* I'm a big woman, and I am uncomfortable getting on and off the boat, and I am uncomfortable sitting in the boat. It's the one place where I feel really self-conscious and ashamed of my weight. (Also, I have a boot on my left foot that makes it harder to get on and off the boat.)
* My best friend and his partner are visiting from CA next weekend, and there's much to be done to prepare the house for them. I don't want to lose a day in readying for their visit.
* Saturday is dry cleaners & groceries day. The dry cleaners is closed on Sunday, and I detest doing the shopping on Sunday.
* It's hard for me to stay on my Medifast diet in situations like these.
If you were in my spot, what would you do?
* This is pathetic: I have a very hard time dealing with it when Mrs. V. drives. Not that she's not a good driver; she is. But she doesn't like to drive, and I enjoy it, so when we go anywhere, I drive by default. But when I'm not with her I am extremely nervous and feel things would be better if I were driving. I have to be in control of all driving situations. I know, like I said: pathetic. I don't know how to get over being such a control freak.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I too have an opportunity to go somewhere on a boat soon and I feel the same self-consciousness because I'm zaftig. But I also remember what got me started when I once lost a large amount of weight. It was the realization that my world had closed down to the point where the horizon was right under my nose. There were so many things I didn't do, or couldn't do, either from real limitation or the psychological limitation I imposed on myself. It's a self imposed prison.
Go, Bertha. And so will I. And stick to the Medi-fast and make a big damn deal of it.
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As for the boot, in 1981 I had a horrendous motorcycle crash (a drunk hit me from behind at a stoplight
while he was doing 55 mph and decided to blow the light because he didn't see me sitting there).
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Survived (though I really shouldn't have, given the circumstances). Had a renewed and enhanced appreciation
for life, that's for sure. Went out to a bar not too long after being released from my 10-day hospital stay with
my crutches and full-leg cast (and my LONG hair and beard and 3-pc suit -- I was KILLIN' it that night).
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Saw this stunning woman the moment I walked in, but she was at a table with a guy, so I pretty much
discounted any chance of getting together with her.
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She approached me later on. Turned out the guy was her brother, there to run a blockade against assholes.
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We ended up going home together and had a great and HOT 6-month relationship (even took her to a
holiday get-together in Connecticut to meet my family... who loved her too).
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I asked her several weeks after we got together what the HELL, considering the crutches and the full-leg
cast, inspired her to come over and pick ME up.
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"Even with those drawbacks, you walked in like you OWNED the place."
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Obviously, we split eventually, but the relationship is one FINE memory and the point of my story is to
address your boot problem.
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WWMFMD?
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He would walk onto that boat (or anywhere) and, even if he required assistance (perhaps especially
BECAUSE he required assistance), he would say:
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My name is Bertha Venation.
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I have this badass boot that I'm wearing.
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That boot CAN and WILL not detract from the badass woman who is in it.
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All in your head, of course... but let those sentiments fill you and shine through to all others.
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And feel free to substitute "beautiful" for "badass", or any other adjective you desire.
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It's all just a matter of personal preference.
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Edit to add: Ichabod Heron and the Fish Hawks (GREAT name) has just GOT to be a blues band, no?
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And while the "cons" you've listed are all very rational and real, you won't remember them a year from now. You will remember the boat trip and dinner. 
One of the nice things about getting older is shedding the social conventions of having to do stuff because I thought I should.
I may even shed hosting the big family gatherings (Thanksgiving, Xmas, birthdays etc) soon as well since they're beginning to grind (which is probably the first step towards the full curmudgeon and not going at all).
Of course the other thing I shed along with that was caring about the state of my house for company.... I have the Merry Maids come in and shovel it out regularly (3 dogs, 3 humans, many barn cats in and out, 40+ horses... it gets bad quickly) but in between their cleaning job? 
Animal hair, furballs, dustbunnies gather within 24 hours yet I laugh in the face of their frantic efforts to get my attention or concern.....
Sounds like Bertha V actually wants to have a lovely house. So that would also tip the scales for me. Back in the day when I used to care I really would make the effort to have a clean house, fresh food and chilled drinks for company. That takes time, without stress.
It would also keep me from cleaning.
from me, unfortunately, because I would probably be just as ambivalent as you over the whole thing, but...
I did want to say that your mention of the area...the Choptank, the heron, Chesapeake Bay...I've never been to the area, but I can imagine what it must be like from James Michener's book, "Chesapeake", which I have read too many times to count (along with two of my other favorites by him, "Hawaii" and "Centennial"
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If you're interested, there's a lot of history mixed in with the fiction.
I like the story of Jimmy, the Blue Crab...
to hell with house cleaning and groceries! and they knew you were a " bigger woman" when they invited you! im sure that bothers YOU, way more then it does THEM. drop the stuff off at the cleaners monday! its just one more day
