I need some jokes, please.

[Not Heidi]

I need jokes - clean jokes, please - to send to my friend in jail. I've sent him two jokes so far, and he's said that they made him laugh. He needs to laugh.

Please post your best jokes. Short or long - doesn't matter.

Thanks!

[jmowreader]

1. Donald Trump in the confessional

When Donald Trump was a little kid, he was so bad that one day his mother took him to the local Catholic church and ordered him to confess his sins to the priest.

After Trump entered the confessional the priest opened the window, realized who it was and let out a sigh.

"Donald, have you committed murder this week?"

"No, Father."

"All right, then you may go. God be with you."

Trump opened the confessional door and screamed out at the top of his lungs, "everyone go home! They're only taking murder cases this week!"

[PJMcK]

2. A man goes to prison

Last edited Mon May 20, 2024, 09:50 AM - Edit history (1)

He’s assigned to a cell with another inmate who’s been in for a while. When it’s lights-out and everyone is in bed, the newbie hears another inmate say, “Number 37.”

There’s laughter from the other inmates

A moment later, another voice in the dark says, “Number 83!”

Once again, there’s laughter. This happens the next few nights. The newbie asked his cellmate what’s going on.

“We used to tell jokes from a book in the prison library. After a while, we knew them all so we just say the number. It saves time.”

The next day, the newbie went to the library to find the book. He found a joke he thought was hysterical and made his plan for that night.

After lights-out, a couple of joke numbers were called out to laughter. Then the newbie said, “Number 106!”

No one laughed.

The newbie asked his cellmate, “What gives? That joke is funny.”

The cellmate shrugged and said, “Well, some people know how to tell a joke and some don’t.”



Good luck to your friend.

[Not Heidi]

4. Thank you, PJMcK. n/t

[czarjak]

3. There's two kinds of Republicans, rich ones and dumb ones.

(When a joke's not a joke)

[soldierant]

5. citing this link

so as not to steal another DU'ers thunder

https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182014150