Does anyone have a personal problem to share?

[Honeycombe8]

I'm having a personal problem. Very depressed. No one can help. It is what it is. But I find it helps sometimes to focus on someone else's problems.

No one needs help with something?

[texanwitch]

1. I am depressed and stressed out also.

Nothing I can do about it, hope everything works out.

If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger, I hope this is true.

[Honeycombe8]

3. Boy, we're two biscuits in a handbasket, aren't we?

I really do think adversity makes you stronger. But it's a bitch while you're going through it, isn't it?

It will get better. Things always do. And then they will get worse. And better again.

Maybe we can focus on what we HAVE and how lucky we are in some respects. I'd prefer to try to focus on someone else's problems, though. Takes my mind off mine.

[MrMickeysMom]

2. I'm guessing the traffic's low due to it being posted here...

I know we have other groups that talk about that on DU, which I've not checked to see if you've gone there already. If you haven't, check them out.

I am just tired. I was depressed at a point in my life, and I truly recognize the signs of depression. So, even if I don't have a personal problem NOW with that, please believe someone like me who tells you that IT WILL get better.

I know that may not carry weight now... but later, it will.

I will sleep better for having reached out to you, but if you wish to have advice, try to physically do things if you aren't prohibited from exercising. Find a good sleep routine, and of course, continue talking to your support.

[Honeycombe8]

5. Thanks! It's not the end of the world.

My issues would be small compared to some, I know.

I'll check out those other boards. No, I didn't know they existed.

[woo me with science]

4. Too much Third Way/right-wing bullshit on DU. nt

[MrMickeysMom]

7. Question....

What exactly is this 'third way'? I'm out of that entire loop, I'm afraid.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

15. Third way is where you claim you aren't right or left,...and then go right.

[MrMickeysMom]

43. Thanks...

Have to keep up with my DU bullshitery, you know...

[pipi_k]

6. The usual

seasonal depression going on here, along with a bit of depression from other causes.

Anyway, I take vitamin D3 and it helps with the seasonal depression, and I try to find worthwhile and interesting things to do or look forward to. Crafts, things like that. Also, I enjoy reading and look forward to my daily reading time.

I tend to get stuck in feeling depressed over my daily routine, yet when that routine is disrupted, I get anxious. Just can't win.

Depression sucks.

[Honeycombe8]

11. Oh, you know what? I have a Vit. D deficiency, and I haven't taken it in a while. Could be

part of the problem.

[grasswire]

21. oh definitely

take care of that

[pipi_k]

47. Could be, yep...

and even if it's not part of the problem, being deficient certainly isn't going to help.

Anyway, I've been dealing with some form of depression or another (acute and seasonal) for many years. It's such a struggle sometimes. There have been days where it actually hurt to wake up in the morning and I've cried because I couldn't face another day.

Moderate exercise also helps a bit.

[Honeycombe8]

49. I'm not exercising, either. I've been bad. Time to shape up & get healthy. Thx. nt

[Pool Hall Ace]

52. I was diagnosed with a Vit D deficiency earlier this year.

Maybe if I fixed that, it would help me think more clearly.

[Honeycombe8]

56. Someone told me drs. started adding Vit D test to the normal bloodwork at annual exams.

That's how my Vit D deficiency was found. It affects immune system, I think, but I didn't know it affected moods.

[laundry_queen]

58. I have vit D deficiency

Got diagnosed this summer w/a blood test. If it was that bad in summer I can only imagine what it must've been last winter. No wonder I was depressed.

Anyway, YES, supplementation has helped my cognitive skills immensely. Now instead of saying, 'that THING' to my kids every SECOND word, it's every 4th or 5th word. No really, I'm in school full time and have noticed a huge difference in how I retain the knowledge. I can't say my grades have gone UP but I'm dealing with other crap (will post downthread) at this time too, and grades have remained somewhat constant. My energy levels are MUCH better also.

I supplement with 2000 IU/day. Next month I'm supposed to go down to 1000 IU/day but I will admit to higher doses in the beginning, since according to my research, it's hard to OD on vit D and I felt SO much better the more I took. Don't worry, I cleared it with the nurse that called me, she told me up to 10,000 iu wouldn't hurt me and it was up to me if I wanted to go that high, and it was especially okay since I don't go out in the sun much (insta-burn).

So go ahead and supplement - it won't hurt and it may make a big difference

[Chan790]

8. I have my dream job...

except that I'm a volunteer and as much as they want to hire me, it's becoming apparent they're never going to be able to afford me. (I'm willing to take 30K (w/o benefits), the going rate for someone with my skillset is 50% higher than that (w/benefits), they're probably only going to be able to swing $18K starting in February.) This would work for half-time but they monopolize my time.

The woman I've been dating non-monogamously (negotiated polyamory) has decided that no longer works for her and wants to change the parameters of our relationship. Despite the fact that I'm not actually sleeping with anybody else currently/recently (the past 6 months) nor do I want to, this parameter-change is a deal-breaker because I'm simply not interested in settling down with her or anybody ever. I prize my freedom and autonomy too much; I like that I never have to apprise anybody of the details of my life or share my bathroom or plan for future children or get married. I like that I'm free to get up tomorrow and decide that I'm leaving to climb Everest. I like that we have our own spaces. I like being the only person who has a say on decor. I like my life separate from hers. I don't want one "together". There is no "we". I also don't want to be alone so I'll probably capitulate...then be miserable and destroy the relationship.

One of my best friends is getting married and due to life-circumstance, I may have to skip the wedding due to finances and the fact he couldn't choose a transit-accessible church or reception site.

I came to the stark realization last night during a 2 hour phone conversation that another best friend, one I never took a chance on and whom I strongly encouraged to date her current L/T boyfriend (she's my former "work-wife&quot , may actually be my perfect match. I love her but I'm not sure its in that way.

My ankles itch. I scratch them but they don't stop itching. It's not athlete's foot, I already Lamasil'ed the shit out of them for 3 days.

...that's just some of my personal problems. I got 99 problems.

[Honeycombe8]

12. Wow. You have some interesting issues!

Let me help! Although you don't sound like you need help. You sound fairly well balanced to me (but what do I know?).

The ankles could be nerves? Or...sounds like it might be some kind of contact dermatitis or eczema. I say that 'cause after years of wearing pantyhose, I developed an irritation to them, but it took me a long time to figure it out. Dr said it was eczema...but it never completely went away until I quit wearing pantyhose (due to fashion changes). The severe itching went away and never came back. I realized later that it must have been the pantyhose. I can get away w/wearing pantyhose occasionally. But back in the day, I wore them every day. For the itching, I found that cortisone was very helpful. The scratching makes it worse.

As for your CURRENT girlfriend, yikes! As I told one boyfriend yrs ago, it's not really a decision you make not to get more serious, to get more serious, or whatever. Relationships evolve. They are not static. You cannot keep a relationship exactly the same, as time moves on. The relationship moves on, like time does. It either becomes more, or it becomes less. Just like you. As time moves on, you will change in some ways. Nothin' you can do about it. You will change because of new experiences, new people, new goals, new desires, new situations, the aging process, etc.

I've known a guy or two in my day to swear to being a bachelor for life, or to never have children. They changed their minds as they got older. I'm not saying you will or should. I'm just saying that some people (a lot of people?) feel that way early on, but their priorities change as they get older. It can get tiring climbing Mt. Everest every weekend, without the same someone to share it with, to build memories with, to look at you as an old man and see you as the young man she met years before. I'm not sure how comforting Mt. Everest would be for you when you look for support after you lose a job, lose a parent, get ill.

As I told an ex, who was overly concerned with his buddies rather than me (not that I was clingy...I wasn't...we were having some sort of conversation about something) that he should think about where those buddies are gonna be when he's sick, 80 years old and in bed, defecating on himself. It will be his wife who will be there for him, caring for him - not his buddies.

About your former gf, if you're not sure you loved her "in that way," you probably didn't, IMO. Could be a bit of wanting what you can't have.

Have you ever read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? He talks about how men need their space but at the same time need closeness. Hence that yo-yo effect that men do with women. They get close and closer, then oops, they feel they're too close! They need their space, and they pull away. Only to come back, like a yo-yo.

How do you live, being a volunteer? You don't make ANY $$$? The job is a tough one...if they can't afford it, they can't afford it. Doesn't sound like such a dream job, if they can't pay you enough. You need to earn a good living, first and foremost. Unless you can use the job as a springboard to a better paying job down the road.

Good luck! You sound like you don't have any trouble attracting women, and that's not a bad problem to have!

[cliffordu]

9. Ya. I'm going to have to sue my sister for money she's holding for me.

My fucking money.

Oh, yeah, and I drank too much tonight.

[Honeycombe8]

13. That's a true bummer. What's the story on that?

Is she keeping it from you "for your own good"? Or do you think she's spending it? Is she unethical and a thief? Or is there a beef about whose $ it is?

If you sue her, you may lose your sister in the process. But if she's stealing from you...well, you can't let people steal from you, and you just walk away. That's not right. It's expensive to sue, though.

Drinking too much...wish I had something I care to drink. I have a couple of weird things...don't know why I bought them. Scotch, and B&B (thought I'd try it - ooooo, very strong). Rum. Weird stuff I bought for some unknown reason.

[LoveMyCali]

10. I'm afraid my 4 month old kitten is sick

She's just not acting like herself, she just wants to sleep and she's usually a ball of energy. Oh and did I mention I'm broke and really can't afford to bring her to the vets.

[Honeycombe8]

16. Oh, dear.

Questions:
How long has she been acting this way?
Is she eating?
Is she drinking?
Is she using her litter box?
Any other symptoms, like goo goo eyes, sniffles, watery nose?
No way to borrow $ from family for a vet visit w/o expensive bloodwork?
No possibility of charging a vet visit? I hate the idea of credit, but it wouldn't be THAT large an amt, and this is a very good reason.

If it hasn't been going on long, she might just be under the weather. Cats get viruses and such, like people do. OTOH, a kitten with an illness is very vulnerable to death, not to mention suffering.

I have a friend who's very knowledgeable about cats that I can ask. She works for a cat rescue operation on weekends and knows a lot. If you can give more symptoms.

[LoveMyCali]

31. It's just been since this afternoon

I haven't seen her eat ( work nights) but my niece came over and checked on her a couple of times and she drank a little. There doesn't seem to be any other symptoms besides just not having her usual energy. She was waiting right by the door when I got home tonight though and purred up a storm when I picked her up. I'll keep a close eye on her.

It just makes me sad that she's not her usual playful self.

[HopeHoops]

39. If she isn't using the litter box, get her to a vet immediately. Not eating isn't that big a deal,..

... but not eliminating IS a big deal.

[cliffordu]

24. PLEASE take her to a vet and try to get a payment plan.

my kitties are worth the world to me.

[LoveMyCali]

32. I feel the same way

and I swear I would sell a kidney if I thought it was necessary. I'll just keep an eye on her and see if it looks like anything to worry about.

[Honeycombe8]

33. Ditto. PLEASE get her to the vet. If you had a med. emergency, you'd find a way to pay for it.

She is equally important.

WATCH HER CLOSELY, when you're not at work.

Pets cost money, for sure. Part of owning a pet is medical care.

[Rhiannon12866]

26. Why didn't you tell me?

You know that I'd be willing to help...

[LoveMyCali]

30. It just started today

and she's already acting a little better. She doesn't have runny eyes or nose, just seems a little lethargic although I think she's trying to figure out right now if she can jump from the back of the couch onto my shoulder.
I will keep an eye on her and if she isn't acting better I will get her to the vets. If the power company or cable company have to wait for their money that's just the way it goes sometimes.
I'm just worried about her I don't think it's anything serious but even though I haven't had her all that long I'm so attatched to her I can't believe it.
I think it's time to go get kitty snuggles in bed.

[Honeycombe8]

76. How is your kitty doing? nt

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

14. my job is boring,

Tedious & gives me a headache.

[Honeycombe8]

17. Was it Walt Whitman or Thoreau who said...

that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. So true.

Yeah, my issues are job related, as well.

Is there a light at the end of a tunnel? Some plan you can focus on in the future, to give you more hope down the road?

Is there a "lucky me" way to look at it, like it could be tedious, give you a headache, AND you could be working with a co-worker from hell?

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

23. I'm lucky to have a good job for sure.

Lots of people don't. I have travel a lot and I find airplanes really uncomfortable.
I've got a deadline that's important now but it's a bit of a stress.

I hope your situation improves.

[Major Nikon]

18. Not my problems, but this may help

I just got back from a trip from China. I've also been to India and a few other assorted far eastern places. The one thing I always bring back is perspective, which to me is invaluable. The people I see and meet there have problems that would make mine seem wholly insignificant, and yet they are still happy.

[Honeycombe8]

34. To quote Suzanne Sommers (yeah, I'm gonna quote Suzanne Sommers!):

She said in an interview that one thing she's learned in life is how to deal with adversity. She said that now, after all these years, she gets it. It's how you deal with the bad things and come out the other side is what it's all about. Or something like that.

Now I'm not a Sommers fan (really!), but I quote her because I think that's very true. Attitude and approach to life is very important.

I've noticed how similar bad things can happen to two people, and yet, one handles it much better than the other.

[marlakay]

19. Husband has been having depression episodes few times a year

And his daughters wedding a few weeks ago set it off again. Lots of jumpy anger and other stuff in between, I think he is bi polar.

Finally got him to counselor today...this has all got worse since we retired 7 years ago. If I had known I would have worked longer.

[Honeycombe8]

40. Medication needed?

I'm not a pills person, but when I was having job problems, I had a very bad period of severe depression. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cried a lot. I happened to have exam with my internal dr for annual exam & told him. He prescribed two kinds of pills for me. Had to take them regularly...they build in your system. I immediately started feeling better. I could sleep and eat a bit.

I am now a believer in medication in some instances. It helped get me more back to normal.

[marlakay]

70. This time he will yes

He tried a few times before and didn't like side effects, but episodes getting worse so has to do something. Plus going to counseling.

[iiibbb]

20. Could you please work on redirecting this hurricane?

Seriously... my wife is probably going to have a baby when it gets here and I have a major deadline at work that's weather dependent and I won't have time to spend on it once the infant is here....

[Honeycombe8]

35. My weather vibes are headed that way! (I wonder what hurricane that is?)

I sorta wished I lived somewhere where there was a chance of a hurricane, because that means you get plenty of rain.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

53. I despise rain more than any other weather.

Do you actually like rain?

[Honeycombe8]

55. Yes. I'm from south Louisiana, 1 hr north of Gulf. Subtropical, rainy. LOVED IT!

The St. Augustine grass was emerald green almost all year. Didn't have to water the lawn to keep it alive, altho it made it healthier. I wore galoshes as a kid as often as I wore shoes. People in a rainy locale have better skin (more moisture in the air).

I now live in Dallas TX. Triple digit weather for a couple of months every summer. Lawns die unless you water them. St. Augustine can't take the sun here or the cold in the winter. The sun is so glaringly bright, it's blinding. I've had numerous shrubs die from dehydration. There is usu. a time of drought in the summer, where grass turns brown. Water use is restricted in the summer.

I so miss the rain. Let it rain, rain, rain. Yeah, it gets old. But not as old as 60 days of triple digit heat with glaring sun and not a drop of rain.

When I retire, I may try to move to a rainy location. I want to garden as a hobby, so rain is helpful there, too.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

60. I don't like heat either.

I worked in Grand Rapids for two years and loved it there but many people hate snow and cold most. Humidity makes heat even more intolerable. I'd like to visit Louisiana but it would have to be in the Winter. I used to work with a recruiter in New Orleans. I talked to her about mid-October one year while I was living in Jamestown, NY near Lake Erie. She said she couldn't wait to leave work and head for the beach. She asked if the leaves were pretty where I was. I told her that almost all of them were on the ground now and that it had snowed the Monday before. She asked how long it generally snowed. She said once or twice a year it may get down to freezing and when it does, the State Police close the ramps to I-10. I said snow season is mid-October to mid-May but that snow that accumulates is rare before November or after April.

Weather plays a role in how some people feel and if they are depressed. Some friends of ours from church moved to Phoenix years ago and invited us to visit. We explained that finances didn't permit that kind of travel but thanks. Chris suggested that we might want to move there as things were cheaper than Philly. I said it was just too hot. He said that dry heat was much more comfortable than humid heat. I told him when the humidity gets high the news lists the heat index which is sometimes 110 F but in Phoenix it's just 110 F so what's the difference? I think the devil gets people into hell by telling them "It's a dry heat."

Have a great day.

[Honeycombe8]

64. Dry heat, shmy heat.

To me, the dryness of the heat makes no difference. 110 degrees is 110 degrees. Also, the humidity in the air actually keeps the heat from climbing to 110 degrees in a lot of places. The Gulf Coast, where I'm from, is subtropical. Subtropical weather is not as hot as tropical or desert weather. The plants are gorgeous, easy to grow just about anything, esp citrus, figs.

The humidity doesn't seem to bother me as much as it does others, though. It's harder to manage hair in humidity, though.

I've met a few people from Phoenix before. Maybe it was coincidence, but they looked older than their years. The glaring sun does a lot of damage to the skin. You can't really totally block out the damage. All you can do is try to lessen it. Skin cancer rates are high here in Dallas. I would be miserable in Phoenix.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

66. I've had little luck with plants.

They just don't like me. As a kid I went to an activity at an agriculture center. One of the first activities was to weed a garden which had been planted but grew rather full of weeds. My partner and I weren't thrilled and found it boring and hot work.

Our evaluation from the moderator: All the weeds are gone but you've removed all the plants as well.

The one thing Phoenix used to do right was gardening.
"Good morning sir! What color crushed stone would you care for?"

[Honeycombe8]

67. "the weeds are gone, but you've removed all the plants as well" LOL!

Too funny.

You're not in La., though, are you? Where I'm from, you can basically stick something in the ground, and it will live and grow. You can do fancy things to make it bigger & better, but it's not necessary just to get something to live.

Buy a fig plant, dig a hole, stick it in there...boom. You'll have a producing fig tree in a few years. Buy a cumquat shrub, dig a hole, drop your shrub down there, boom....you'll have cumquats next year. Or satsumas. They get watered naturally. The soil is to die for...the kind that people here in Dallas have to buy and put on top of the awful native soil. Dark, rich, loamy. Your shovel slides ride in.

The awful clay, rocky soil here is something you don't hear much about. When I bought my house, I bought a shovel, went out to the back yard to plant a garden, and happily thrust the shovel into the soil. THUD. It didn't go in. The soil was hard as a rock. It was hard clay that has to be watered to dig into it, and amended if you want plant roots to grow in it. The kind of trees you can grow are limited. To create a rose garden patch, I had to use a pickaxe because of the rock mixed in the soil. The sun is so bright here, it's recommended that roses be given some afternoon shade.

You know how in western movies, you hear a crunch sound as the cowboys walk across the dry southwest territory (think The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly)? That's what it sounds like in my back yard if I don't water it enough. Sometimes I think I even hear that theme song from the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. (What am I doing playing on the computer? This is my personal day off, and I have things to do!)

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

68. Go do stuff!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly; well that's the ring tone on my cell.

Have a good day.

[grasswire]

22. a family member is embroiled in a custody dispute with a mean ex

...and my dog is having issues this week that affect my sleep and keep me at home with him.

Young people! Never, never, never become involved with an authoritarian personality. Look for unresolved parental issues.

[Honeycombe8]

36. Exes can be very mean, can't they?

I was divorced many years ago. My hubby became this other person during the divorce, bent on hurting me or whatever, despite my efforts to keep it amicable. People can become devils when going through a divorce.

Custody battles...awful. I hope they can resolve it, or the court handles it quickly. Even then, they're stuck dealing with each other for the rest of their lives.

You're lucky you can stay at home with your dog. I can't. But I'm lucky that my dogs are still youngish...no problems yet.

[kentauros]

25. You think your problem is bad?

Then you've never met Londo Molari!

I've never met him either, but the members of Babylon 5 feel like long lost friends
So, I'm just going to share the problems of fictional people

[Pool Hall Ace]

27. I'm stuck in a marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic.

I don't see any way out of it. I'm 50 years old and can't find a decent job. I'm no longer interested in anything. I would love some solitude, but I just can't get it. I have no idea how to handle someone so manipulative.

I miss being single so much!

[Honeycombe8]

38. Are you male? So your wife is an alcoholic?

That's truly a bummer, and nothing you can do about that. It's her problem, and you have no control over that.

How many of us would marry someone different, if we could go back in time. Did she drink too much before you married her? Or if you are female, before you married "him"?

As for the job, that IS something you can do something about, given time. I was unemployed for a while, and I don't know how people handle that emotionally. One of the worse things there is. Destroyed my confidence, very hard work and time consuming looking and appointment making and interviewing...always having to look your best, say the right thing. BUT...eventually it happens. Someone hires you. I'm in my late 50's, and I got a good job. Not great, but good.

Do you have a vocation? A decent work history? Do you look healthy? If so, you WILL get a good job, if you keep looking. There is age discrimination, but also I found that employers will hire us older workers for our reliability, maturity, etc. The ones I saw who had more trouble getting hired looked AND ACTED older than they were. They looked unhealthy, depressed, not energetic, not happy. I found it very hard to put a smile on my face during an interview and make it look real.

I'm single. Sometimes smug married people feel sorry for single people, but I know only too well (being divorced) that there are worse things...like being married to the inconsiderate bum I was married to once. Being single has its problems, but when you're married, you're married to that other person's issues, financial troubles, etc.

I know what you mean when you say you can't find a way out. You keep thinking there must be a way, you just can't find it? If you let that go on, it might blow up, and it'll be handled for you,and not in a good way. Maybe you can map out a plan of a way out down the road, which might help you cope in the meantime? FIRST, you need financial independence. Which means a job. And that is doable.

If you don't know how to DO anything for a vocation, maybe you can get a job that trains on the job, for a paltry wage. That gets you a vocation, and a good job reference. And a path to a better job.

Good luck.

[pipi_k]

51. First, and most important

step...

you need support.

Please find an Al-Anon group in your area.

They understand what you're going through.

I've dealt with many alcoholics throughout my life (starting with my dad) and it's true what they say about being in a relationship with one...

Alcoholics don't have relationships...they hold hostages.

Please consider getting help and support

[grasswire]

57. verbal abuse is so toxic

I wonder why you are "stuck" in this situation? Because of finances? Because you feel an obligation of some kind?

If you truly can't get out of it, you can at least get some self-help, for self protection. Al-anon, for sure, will help you get some tools to deal with the problems.

[darkangel218]

28. I just woke up from a nightmare. i dreamt i was at my old job where i got fired from few years ago

And I got fired all over again!!
This time I managed to flip the manager on my way out though.

Grrr

[HopeHoops]

37. First, I hope you're getting medical attention (as in SSRI drugs or something), and THEN...

Second, I've got a shitload of problems I could share but I'm not going to in this thread, except for one minor problem. You're not alone, but you're in good company. Hang in there and if you haven't spoken with a doctor about depression, please do. It took me a long time to accept it but the medication keeps it (mostly) under control. I even had to back down the dosage because I was getting a little TOO happy (and I still call it my "happy pill&quot . If you're not familiar with SSRIs, look it up. It stands for "selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor" - Wikipedia will redirect a search for "celexa" to a page that explains it. That might not be what your doctor prescribes, but please seek help. I came very close to death due to depression. It's not something to fuck with.

Third, that problem - the fucking ice maker is on the fritz.

[Honeycombe8]

41. Thx. Yes, I need to make an appt w/dr.

I did get some medication earlier this year when going thru a bad spot (all of this is job-related). The companies are REALLY taking advantage of this recession.

As for the ice maker, the last time mine went on the fritz, I decided not to have it fixed. That was years ago. I now use the icemaker bin to store frozen dinners, and I use old fashioned ice trays and container. They haven't malfunctioned even once! And I don't have to hear that irritating icemaker and ice falling loudly into the bin.

[HopeHoops]

44. We actually replaced the bin with a one-use aluminum lasagna pan.

The ice maker has been leaking for a long time and making stalagmites. They're easy to dislodge from the aluminum but almost impossible to remove from the plastic. We use ice trays as well, but our freezer is usually rather full (multiple teens in the house). We go through ice and I keep a bag of store-bought ice in the garage fridge as a backup. I bought a camping mallet (hard plastic) and wrote "ICE" on it in permanent marker. It's great for breaking up the monstrous blocks that form in bagged ice.

[clyrc]

42. I've got a bunch of them

I got divorced this year, and now I'm barely scraping by. I'm living in a town I've never liked, filled with stupid, backward, conservative people, near the ex in-laws I've always had problems with. Next month, the ex is going to Kenya to hang out with his fiance until her interview for an engagement visa, but who knows how long that will take. I will most likely be stuck here with no money for the holidays, having to deal with the ex in-laws. I've already had a fight with the ex about it, because he says he doesn't have any money to leave me while he's gone. I suppose I could beg the ex-in laws for some help, but ugh.

Even in the best case scenario, the ex gets back from Kenya before Christmas, it will be a problem because his new family will be with him, and my youngest daughter resents the hell all out of her little half brother. She doesn't want to accept the divorce, much less the fact that she will have to share her dad with another wife and kid. I've tried to make things better for her, but she won't be consoled on this one. And how can I blame her for being upset? She is 14, her parents are divorced, we went from being comfortable to having no money, and moved halfway across the world. If she weren't upset and floundering it would be weird. Even her sister, who is taking things much better, on the surface, had a major blow up yesterday from the stress.

The ex isn't the only one with a fiance, I have one too. Soon we will announce our engagement, but I am worried. He is a Pakistani who is 14 years younger than me, and he has all the red flags they say they look for when denying an engagement visa. We have pictures and pages and pages and pages of chat conversation on Facebook, but I still think it will be hard to get him to the US because no one trusts Pakistanis. Not to mention that it will be a long process and I miss him badly already.

I am trying to make friends around here, but it's hard. I started going to the UU church, which is nice, but I haven't really clicked with anyone yet. I've been saying for years that what I really need is a good woman friend, the close kind I haven't had since I was 16. I don't think it will ever happen. Women mostly don't like me, I'm not sure why.

Other than that, I'm not suicidally depressed, so that's a good thing.

[easttexaslefty]

45. I have the same problem

My son died 5 years ago. Tragically and violently and I found his body. My life is over even though I still breathe air, eat and do all the other mundane things people do in their lives. There's just absolutely no joy there. I've done all the "things" one would do to "help" but nothing does. It just is what it is.

[clyrc]

48. I'm so sorry, easttexaslefty

That makes my problems look small indeed.

[easttexaslefty]

50. Thank you

Everyones individual problems are the most important to them. This one just happens to be mine.

[geardaddy]

54. I've got a damn hangnail!

[lunamagica]

59. Yes. I have end stage renal disease (among other things)

I'm on Dialysis. No insuranse, so no transplant.

I hate dialysis. The thought of being on it for the rest of my life (however long that is). kills me...

I HATE dialysis.

I got to go now, for today's session...

[laundry_queen]

62. I'm sorry to hear that

my XFIL has that and finds dialysis very taxing. He could, technically, get a transplant as we are in Canada and he is covered, but he is refusing (not sure why but I think he figures he's too old). He's constantly exhausted. Hugs to you - it's bullshit that you can't get covered for that. Single payer MUST happen for the US.

[lunamagica]

72. Thank you, I hope single payer happens, and soon. I'm in my 40's now. All the best to you and your

XFIL

[geardaddy]

63. I'm so sorry.

I have ESRD too. I luckily got a transplant nearly 20 years ago, but I'll be in line for a new one in the next few years.

[lunamagica]

73. Thank you. I'm glad your transplant has lasted this long. Wishing you all the best with the new one,

or better yet, that the current one improves so that you don't need another one.

Good luck!

[laundry_queen]

61. I'll have a quick (lol) vent but nothing horrible

just stressful.

I'm a f/t student and single mom of 4. When I first split w/my ex, I lived with my parents because they wanted me too. I picked up my life and moved 6 hours away to my parent's place. Then a few months later they changed their mind and kicked us out (and it wasn't my fault, I was their maid, I kept the kids quiet, clean, etc and my parents had a vacation home to escape to every weekend - they just decided they changed their mind about having us there). So I was renting at about $400 MORE per month than a mortgage would clost, in a place I didn't really want to live (b/c I promised my kids I wouldn't switch them schools again). After 2 years, my parents finally agreed to help me buy a place (they had promised when I moved in with them they would help me buy a place, then backed out. They had also promised to pay my tuition and then backed out. I pay it myself now) so I bought a duplex that is being built currently. Of course, it is behind schedule. I asked my landlord if I could extend my lease until my duplex was done and he refused because he said he wanted to sell the house and if my duplex was finished in December or January, he'd be stuck with the house on the market in a slow time.

So for the last few months I've been keep the house spotless so my landlord could show it every weekend. It severely disrupted our lives as I had to pack up 4 kids every time the realtor wanted to show the house. Finally I decided I had enough and told him I'd be leaving on Oct. 31 when my lease was up. He begged me to stay another couple of months, as the house hadn't even had an offer (he's asking some ridiculous price) but I told him I didn't want to be moving on Dec 31 and I have no idea when my duplex will be done (could be 1 month, could be 4 months). Sure as shit, as soon as I announced I was definitely moving out (and in with my parents - god help me) he decided he was going to keep renting it after all. So then as I was packing (and going to school, and keeping the place clean and taking care of 4 kids) he was showing it to renters. He finally found a renter, but this person is so high maintenance. First she tried to get me to sign a (homemade, misspelled) document saying that I promised to vacate the premises. Um, no. Not signing anything. Then, she's seen the place twice already, but wanted me out so she could see it again. Um, no I told my landlord. I'm sick, I'm packing, the house is a mess.

So then I start getting these texts from him all week. "She (new renter) wants to know who your power company is." "She wants to know when garbage day is." "She wants to know how to set up her gas bill." "She wants to know what the meter number is." "She wants you to call Canada post to put her name on the address." "She wants to know if you could call the internet company and put it in her name." WTF has this person never moved before? Why the fuck is this my problem? He never helped ME out when I moved in, I called around and got everything set up myself and found out all the info on my own, why can't this person? It's not like the info is some fucking secret. I sent a snarky text back, "Tell her that I'm too busy moving myself and my 4 kids, I don't have time to move her too."

Of course, through all of this, I'm dealing with my parents helping me move. My parents are narcissists. Seriously, last time we lived with them my then-7 yo needed therapy and the child psychologist labeled my parents (and ex) with this as a possibility because of the behavior patterns. I now know how to set boundaries (didn't have a clue last time) so things are better, but I get to listen to them complain about everything I do, own, how I clean etc when they are helping me. I rented an expensive bin to store my stuff so my parents don't complain about their house being cluttered, but I told my mom I was going to bring stuff I didn't want to pack, like liquids, aerosol cans (cleaners, bathroom products etc) and she freaked out about 'clutter'. Geez. The next few months are going to SUCK ASS. I'm sure it will be worth it to own my own home (MY home, not a home w/my ex) and my monthly payments will be less, but I just hope I can pull through the next little while.

Anyhow, I am sure your issues are larger than mine. Hugs to you, I hope things look up soon.

[yellowcanine]

65. I have these long black hairs growing out of my lower back.

Should I be concerned?

[dawg]

69. Just a standard, garden-variety, broken heart.

She was my first serious girlfriend. I married her. We had two wonderful children. Years pass, and she gets curious about what she missed out on I guess.

Now, here I am in my mid-forties, trying to figure out how to start over again.

Most of my friends are married. I'm like a fifth wheel to go anywhere with them. I live in a small town and don't really know how to meet new people. Don't know if I really want to meet new people yet anyway.

Compared to some, I am truly blessed in many ways. I have two wonderful sons; I have enough money to get by; I feel good physically, and everyone tells me I still look like a kid.

But I am disappoint. Oh so disappoint!
I wanted the happily ever after. I held it in my hand, and it just slipped away.

[femmocrat]

71. You are so kind to listen to everyone's problems, Honeycombe.

My problems are minor compared to the ones that others have described, some in great detail.

I just want to wish you well and hope you can get help with the depression. Right now, I keep putting things off because I'm too depressed to deal with them. And yes, I take meds... somedays are just more trying than others.

[sad sally]

74. Wow, a post where i finally can unload at

Seven plus weeks ago (sept. 3), i woke up slurring my speech; the next day - my 48th wedding anniversary, i fell and broke my elbow. It was a long holiday weekend; didn't go seek medical help until the next day when the pain in my right arm (am right-handed) got bad; really hurt.

Was another three weeks until an mri revealed i'd had a stroke - no paralysis, neither side is affected - i just sound like a drunk and my balance makes me stumble like one (a drunk). Elbow has healed; brain has not - this is not the way i want to be! i have 'clean' heart & carotid arteries, don't smoke, am not overweight, don't have high bad colestrol, don't have diabetes; can't talk on the phone (am hard to understand unless my face/mouth are seen, my husband says), used to walk almost 2 miles every day rain or shine, now i can only safely walk a short ways...

thanks for the post, Honeycomb8 - telling my problem doesn't make it better, but helps...

[argiel1234]

75. i have sleep problems

cant stay asleep without ibuprofen, but that is probably minor

[EvolveOrConvolve]

77. I'm fat and bald

And that's okay.