A String Walks Into A Bar -- post your silly (clean) jokes!
A couple of strings were walking around town one day when they come upon a bar and decide to go in for a drink. They know this isn’t a friendly bar, so one decides to go in first to test the waters. He goes up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender sneers at him and says, “You’re string! We don’t serve your kind here! Get out!” The string walks out and reports the encounter to his friend. His friend says, “I can get him to serve me.” He tears at his ends and jumps up and ties himself up good and tight, then limps into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him suspiciously. He sneers and says, “Aren’t you string?” The string says, “frayed knot.”
= new reply since forum marked as read
takes a seat and orders a drink.
Sitting by himself, sipping his Scotch, he hears a tiny voice.
"Nice tie."
Guy looks around, but the bar is empty except for himself and the bartender, who is at the other end of the bar.
Guy goes back to his drink. A short time later he hears the tiny voice again.
"Nice suit."
The bar is still empty. Guy wonders if he is flipping out.
"Excuse me," he says to the bartender. "But I keep hearing these little voices."
"Oh, that", says the bartender. "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
"How's it going?," Bee One asks.
"Terrible," answers Bee Two. "With this drought there's no rain. With no rain there are no flowers. With no flowers there is no honey. The kids are hungry. The wife is upset. It's a mess."
"Tell you what," says Bee One. "I happen to know there's a Bar Mitzvah happening down the street, with loads of freshly cut flowers and ripe, juicy fruit. Go down there and you'll be all set-up. Just take a right down this street and make a left at the temple."
"Great," says Bee Two. "Thanks!"
"But first," says Bee One, "put on this yarmulke. You don't want to look like a WASP."
Oye.
.
.
.
Bartender notices a tiny man standing n the guy's shoulder, but too polite to say anything.
Part way through his drink, the little guy runs down his arm and kicks the drink over.
Bartender comes over to clean it up , the guy apologizes and orders another drink saying he'll pay for it, giving a generous tip.
10 minutes later, same thing - little guy runs down, knocking over the drink. Bartender sighs, cleans up, replacing the drink and again getting a generous tip.
20 minutes later - bartender hears the drink go over again and wanders back with his bar towel as the little guy runs up his customers arm, standing on his shoulder.
Upset now, the bartender asks his customer
"What's up with your little man running down and spilling the drinks all the time?"
"Well," his customer replied, "a faerie granted me one wish -"
"I asked for a 12 inch prick"
.
.
"This is him"
CC
(They're both looking down while talking because they're shy) 
