I see a lot of posts today about fathers and how people here miss them

[Hayabusa]

and that's well and good. I wish I had a father whom I could have looked up to and admired. But I didn't. I drew the shitty end of the straw when it came to that. To my unborn self's credit, though, I picked a damn good mother.

But fuck my dad. When I was two, my mother and him divorced. It was the typical adultery reason: my mom caught him and his mistress together at a party. Things had already been strained, but this was the last straw. I remember my mom's story of the incident, catching them together and the other woman crying out why she couldn't get what she wanted. My mom had the best answer to that: "What about what my son wants?"

Things were somewhat smooth after that, with the divorce and his eventual marriage to the other woman. They were both prison guards and they had met there (incidentally, I think I'm the only person on this message board who has had a God's honest hit put out on them. Thank God for informants...). Then I turned five and one of the weekend visits to their house it got dark. I woke up in the middle of the night, having to go to the bathroom. I got up and turned the knob only to find locked. It was cold in that room and I had no night light and I was completely shut in. I started crying at the door but they didn't answer.

I was dropped off very early the next morning at my mom's house, still crying. Mom knew something was up and tried in vain to call him and get an explanation after he abruptly left. That was the last time I saw him.

A few years later, the second reason why I hate him so much started when the child support stopped. Family Services quickly revealed that they couldn't help since he had fled to the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. Every now and then a few checks would come in when the government could catch up with him and garnish his wages, but they'd quickly stop. The last time I had any contact with him was when I was 10 or 11. He was working as a cop on the rez and shot someone in line of duty. He was kinda broken up about it and had his sister find our phone number. It was a curt conversation between us and I quickly passed the phone to my mom. "You did a good job of turning him against me," is what he said to my mom. "You did a perfectly good job of doing that yourself," was her response. She was right. No birthday calls or cards. No holiday greetings. No support, both monetarily or emotionally. Later on, no attending my high school or college graduation (though I did get $100 from my paternal aunt that I'm pretty sure came from him.

I have no reason to love him and absolutely no care to. That's why I celebrate Father's Day with my mom, who was 100x the dad that my real father ever was. She was the love and support that I needed, and she sacrificed a lot to make sure I had a proper childhood.

So, to my mom: happy Father's Day.

[Chan790]

1. You have my empathy...

I too have one of those fathers.

[Hayabusa]

2. And you have mine.

[texanwitch]

3. I wasn't close to my father either.

I did take care of him at the end of his life.

I really don't miss him.

I have found peace with this.

My father provided but he was to busy to be a father.

I do understand how you feel.

[michigandem58]

4. Sorry you missed out

Having a great Dad was such a huge part of my life.

[Hayabusa]

7. I really don't feel like I did.

My mom was more than enough father for me. And to be a mother, too. That's why she'll always have my love and respect.

[tavalon]

5. You're not alone

My father was a sociopath. Notice I said "was". He died penniless and alone in an apartment in Arizona. Wasn't found for four months. A fitting end to a piece of garbage.

[Hayabusa]

8. Thank you for sharing that.

It's easily one of those "could have been worse" situations I posted about.

[Hayabusa]

6. Thank you for your support, everyone.

I've always known that I'm not the only one to have legitimate reasons to dislike their father, but I know it could have been much, much worse.

[tavalon]

9. The thing is, I used to use the same phrase,

but no, it was bad for each of us that lived through terrible parents or parents who died when we were children. And for the one living through their own personal nightmare, it was just exactly much, much worse.

[Hayabusa]

10. I do agree with that.

And then, there's today, when you're saturated with the perfect image of a family that exists nowhere, and you can feel completely out of place.

[tavalon]

12. It's taken my whole life and lots of therapy to get to "good enough"

I'm in a pretty good place actually, considering I'm only 8 months out of an 11 year marriage.

[In_The_Wind]

11. My father was totally clueless about being a father.

He was too busy being a drunk and cheating on both of my stepmothers.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

13. it was roughly a week, I think, after the EF-5 that hit Joplin...

I was still going through shock so time is still hard to remember.

But I was able to get in touch with mine. He said, first thing, "WHY ARE YOU ALIVE?". He then went after me about all the money I just cost him by being alive. And how could I do that to him.

My SO and a cop that had the phone could hear what he was saying, he was yelling so loud.


It was the cheery on the top of the poison pie that was life with him.

[Hayabusa]

14. I am so sorry to hear that

He sounded like a complete piece of crap.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

20. That is one thing he can be called.

When Mom was dieing of pancreatic cancer, he was trying to pick up nurses.

I went to visit her and caught him. He was telling this one nurse that he was there to support a friend with a dieing family member. He told her he was single and all this bull. I was frozen around the other side of the pillar.

He came around and saw me after he got her number. He gave me order to never tell anyone or else he would hurt me.

I will never stop hating him.

[ConcernedCanuk]

15. I had the reverse.

.
.
.

My mother was the mean one.

Father never knew.

Father left the house around 7am every morning to go to work, not returning until about 6pm.

Mother would make us do many chores, beat us and warn us constantly that if we ever told Father that the beating would be worse the next day.

We were in such fear of our mother that no one ever told him, even after we were all adults and out of the house (home would have been the wrong word there methinks).

Father died in 2007 at the age of 95.

Mother died at the age of 89 in 2012.

I had asked for help from her previously for financial assistance as I was living in a trailer with no hydro, no running water, no phone line - etc.,

So when my neighbor who had contact with my brothers drove down to relay the message of her death -

my response was instant - "GOOD".

He was not shocked,

I'd told him previously of the abuse I'd suffered as a child, and the lack of support she could have well afforded to give me.

When I first saw the will, I was not overly surprised to see she had been donating thousands of dollars a year to charities, but not one dime to her own children.

That's my mom - a different breed for sure -

AS for DAD?

I am who I am mostly because of him.

So if there is a heaven, afterlife, whatever

and he can read the internets

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD!

miss you.

Dave

aka

CC

[SwissTony]

16. My father was an a-hole

I didn't suffer much myself but my mother used to be on the receiving end of some incoming. My older sister too. Fortunately, he left when I was in my early teens and we had little contact.

I got a phone call one day to say that he had died. I knew he had been sick and had planned to visit him so he could he could see the two grandkids he'd never seen (we lived about 700 km apart). That didn't happen.

The same day that I got that phone call, I aced a Numerical Analysis exam. Shows how upset I was.

I like to think I am a much better father to my kids If

So, if you have/had a great father, give him (physically or mentally) a big hug and a kiss.

[grilled onions]

17. It seems the kids look like ungrateful brats who state little warmth for either Fathers Day or Mothe

Most kids do not air their laundry to others. They know some will not believe them or think there is more to it then what the kids say. SO on the one hand they are almost made to feel guilty and on the other angry with themselves because they didn't get the love from one parent or another. When it comes to these two holidays how do you react. I choose to ignore them. It's easy now that both are deceased but it was difficult when I lived in fear of both of them and could not explain to others what little love was there. Back in the "stone age" there were not a lot of places a kid could go to and explain the goings on at home(unless they had bruises or looked underfed). I often wished, as a kid, that there was a holiday to uncelebrate all those holidays that we really didn't feel part of. But, you lucky ones who had one loved parent or those who had both(you hit the jackpot) these are truly days to celebrate even if,now it's only in memory. Because no one can take away those golden memories.

[OriginalGeek]

18. I had one of each

I loved my dad. I hate my step-father.

Mom and dad split up when I was about 10 but I always knew my dad was there for me even when he lived a thousand miles away. Unfortunately, I had to live with my mom and step-father. But I can say my step-father taught me everything I needed to know about what not to do.

When my step-sons introduce me to new people, they introduce me as their dad and the older one asked me to be Best Man at his wedding. His real father didn't even acknowledge the wedding as far as I know.

I'm glad you have your mom. Happy father's day to her.

[Raffi Ella]

19. I can relate.

Fathers Day is not something I celebrate. Reading your OP/the replies reminds me I'm far from alone in that. The older I get the more I realize just how bad a father he really was. When it was happening it just was, it's all I knew. Looking back, wow. The stories I could tell. Yeah, Hugs to you all. We deserved better.