Pretending you're not stressed when you're actually maxed out...

[Wait Wut]

...probably isn't good for you.

I need it to be September.

My son and his wife are moving to MO for a job offer.
They're staying with us for this week and leaving on Saturday.
He starts his new job next Monday.

He broke his hand Friday. Will be in a cast for 6 weeks. Doc told him to see an occupational therapist. He'll be getting new insurance with his new job, but is uninsured at the moment.

His new job is a BMW Motorcycle mechanic. He's having a minor meltdown so I've got to pretend everything will be fine. "In 6 months, it won't matter."

He still has to unload and repack the trailer and his truck. Put eye bolts into the trailer to hold up the bike. Then, drive for 2-3 days.

This mother thing is so overrated.

[narnian60]

1. I feel your pain.

Precious, talented, 35 yr. old daughter who lives in NYC has been unemployed for 3 months now. I am in constant stress mode. Thank goodness for unemployment, but she needs and deserves a freakin' job! Didn't mean to highjack your thread, but I needed to vent here since I have to keep a happy face on about it to her and my husband.

[Wait Wut]

2. This is a thread for parents to vent.

I think I'm aging about 2 years every day.

Tell her to hang in there. The right job will pop up any day now. She needs to be prepared for the excitement so she doesn't trip over a trailer ramp and break her hand!

My sister keeps telling me, "He's an adult, he'll be fine." I have to remind her that she told me not to fill up on breadsticks because I'd ruin my dinner...when I was 45 years old.

Our kids are never 'really' adults. We feel responsible for their happiness. It sucks. :b

[narnian60]

3. Hahaha.

SO true.

[Kali]

4. oh the poor guy!

know exactly what mom is going through, too

breathe

anybody available to help - just holding and handing tools, that sort of thing? (also to be a presence that helps prevent family meltdown crap - the friendly friend that you still behave in front of)

[Wait Wut]

5. He'll be working with his best friend...

...and staying with him and his wife until they find a place. He called his buddy last nite and he laughed at him. That's what will truly save him. He's already got a great base set up.

It's a small BMW dealership, family owned and operated. Super nice people that have been doing backflips just to get him hired. I doubt they'll have a serious issue with this. It will be tough, but he can still do some things.

To be honest, I doubt he would have been doing much the first couple of weeks other than observing. He's got his HD certification, but this dealership told him to cancel the BMW classes so he could start working sooner.

He'll be okay. It's just this mom thing.

Thank you, Kali.

[Kali]

6. tee hee

I meant to help load and unload etc there at your place

I got real dependent on a young guy out of Willcox helping around here and this spring he broke his arm badly riding a bronc in a ranch rodeo.

I swear I can't get anything done.

[Wait Wut]

9. Oh, yeah...

...that would be me and my equally unhealthy husband and his 5'3" 105lb wifey. He's feeling pretty awful about needing help. I told him he needs to get over it because he has no other options.

When will your young man be healthy enough to get back to work? I've come to the conclusion that young men are only useful when they're whole. Otherwise they just sorta eat a lot and watch stupid crap on TV.

[Kali]

10. BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

I've come to the conclusion that young men are only useful when they're whole. Otherwise they just sorta eat a lot and watch stupid crap on TV.

NAILED IT!!!!

mine was here for a few hours yesterday (I only get him for a Sunday or two per month, but I swear he gets more done in one day than I do in 6 months it seems like)

[Locut0s]

7. Don't envy my parents with my issues...

Still living off, and with, my parents and I'm 31. They are retired or retiring. Have had a few jobs for about 5 years but that's the extent of my working life. Managed to save up enough for education and other things though. Still have another year or two to go at school before I get my IT diploma. Currently have no job. Even when I do get my diploma that's no guarantee of a job. In my defence I've had life long anxiety, depression and other emotional issues that I've been battling, though that only adds more stress for my parents. I don't envy them and I've put them through a lot. Hopefully I can move out soon and lessen their load.

[Wait Wut]

8. Don't fret about it, too much.

They know you're safe. You're working towards a career. Parents aren't usually stupid. They know when things are tough and they know their kids aren't superheroes. You recognize your parents support and stress. That's good, unless it causes you more anxiety, depression, etc. Make the best out of a rough situation and let them know how much they mean to you, how much you love them. It sounds to me like you think you're being a burden. You need to not do that. It's not good for you and won't help your situation. They're your parents. We'd rather have our kids under our wing until they find a suitable nest than know they're flailing about on the ground like prey.

When you move out, they'll be worried.

[Locut0s]

11. Thank you very much for the support...

I try not to feel too much like a burden, sometimes unsuccessfully. However the last month or so I've been in a very positive upswing, making a lot of positive changes to my life and trying to gain independence. These are advances I haven't made in years and it's a positive outlook so long as I can keep the momentum up. And more than anything I'm genuinely happy for the first time in a year or more, or perhaps years, and this time with real motivation and change behind it. Hopefully this keeps up through school in September. Either way my parents are now MUCH more happy simply because I myself am happy, I was almost suicidally depressed and drinking and other stuff a few months back so the change is big. I guess the point in my post was that I still have residual guilt around about my position and am always waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

[Wait Wut]

12. "...my parents are now MUCH more happy simply because I myself am happy..."

Yeah, that's how it works.

I'm so glad to hear things are going well for you! Guilt is a killer. You should take the words from my subject line and put it somewhere where you can see it every single day. When you are happy, you affect everyone around you. Do you think that changes when you are unhappy? Obviously. It's like that with people we love and care about. Guilt is completely unnecessary and unwelcome.

The shoe may drop, but who cares? It's just one damned shoe. It sounds like you've already reorganized the closet. Just put it with the rest of them.

Again, I'm so, so glad to hear how well you're doing. My besties son is going through some tough times, right now, and he's just beginning to get back on that path. You give me hope.

[Locut0s]

13. Thank you...

I too am happy and relieved to finally see light at the end of the tunnel. I have to keep reminding myself that I have a LONG way to climb and hurdles to overcome that I will not want to and that will be difficult. But I'm finally headed in the right direction under my own power. I've had these issues my whole life and haven't been able to solidly address them till recently. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist, who is better than the last one I saw, so that is helping as well. He also placed me on different medication that may have given me the motivation to start all of this. I've taken some form of medication for years with limited success until this. I'm happy to hear about your besties son! Falling and getting up is particularly difficult when it comes to emotional issues. They are a silent scourge in our society and go largely unrecognized and are often misunderstood. People don't expect you to work with a broken arm, or feel terrible if you contract a crippling physical ailment, but far too often they just expect you to pull yourself up by your boot straps when it comes to mental ailments. They are invisible and often harder to deal with because of it. Don't worry if your friend's son stumbles again. This is not my first up period or self improvement kick. I DO feel this one is different and that it will be the one the gets me permanently out of the hole. But falling and getting back up, and falling again, comes with the territory. Just be there to support your friend and son either way, it will be a huge help! In time he will get better. Emotions get easier to deal with with age. It's one of the silver linings of aging, we no longer feel the slings and arrows of life quite as deeply. Things that would have thrown me off my feet for the whole day in the past now just bother me for some hours, and I'm working on that too. Good luck to your friend's son, I'm sure he will get better!!