Britney Spears Songs Are Being Used to Scare Away Somali Pirates (AAAARRRRGH!)

[pinboy3niner]

Britney Spears Songs Are Being Used to Scare Away Somali Pirates

But playing Justin Bieber "would be against the Geneva Convention."

By Jessica Roy @jessicakroyOct. 28, 2013

The only thing Somali pirates hate more than not kidnapping people is “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears–at least according to merchant navy officer Rachel Owens.

In a bid to deter the pirates from approaching supertankers on the east coast of Africa and attempting to kidnap their crews, ships have begun blasting the poppy oeuvre of Spears, including classic hits like “Baby One More Time” and “Toxic.”

“Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most,” Owens said. “These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect.”

...


Said Steven Jones, of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry: “I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention.”


http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/28/me-against-the-music-britney-spears-songs-are-being-used-to-scare-away-somali-pirates/

[BlueJazz]

1. Great..just great. Now I find out that I must be part Pirate.

[petronius]

2. I think if I was a merchant sailor on one of those ships, a steady diet

of Spears and Bieber would inspire me to turn to piracy - just so I could force whoever pressed 'Play' to walk the plank...

I hope earplugs or good earphones and are a major part of the shipboard equipment for these mariners.

[pinboy3niner]

3. This would explain why pirates drink all that rum

[Kaleva]

4. Oops I Farted Again

[Initech]

5. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rambis]

6. Grateful Dead in CA "Please clear the parking lot, we have janet jackson tapes and we will use them"

Better than Minneapolis cops- "Hey you put down that map and get outta here"
Milwaukee cops "California dreamin, you fucking hippies get the fuck out of here"

[KamaAina]

7. And if the songs don't work, they can always use her feet

http://gawker.com/027460/britney-spears-airplane-foot-bomber

Because it would be tragic to let the remainder of this rapidly expiring work week slip away without a nod to the latest in foot-related Britney Spears news: The British Sun reports that Spears' bare feet emitted a stench so potent that it sent passengers on a recent LA to NY flight clawing at the emergency doors, clamoring for the relief that only a catastrophic drop in cabin pressure could afford. Luckily, quick-thinking flight attendants convinced Spears to return the offending podia to smell-dampening footwear, avoiding an air travel catastrophe that certainly would've resulted in every American airport adding specially trained, toe-sniffing dogs and foot-washing equipment to their already onerous security procedures. Disaster averted!

[NuclearDem]

8. Relevant: During the torture portions of SERE

The cadre would actually blast Yoko Ono covers of Beatles songs as torture.

[pinboy3niner]

9. Spears or Bieber would have worked, too

But even the torturers drew the line at "It's a Small World."

[NightWatcher]

10. what about the poor ship's crew?

I'd almost rather take my chances with pirates than hear that song one more time