A Limerick Slam for St. Patricks day!

[riqster]

Limericks are awesome, and in honor of the "everybody's Irish" holiday, let's have a Limerick Slam! I'll go first, sure and I will:

An old classic:
There was a young man from South Bay
Making fireworks one summer day
But he dropped his cigar
In the gunpowder jar...
There WAS a young man from South Bay

One I wrote today:
An Izvestia writer named Stazy
Said "Putin must surely be crazy"
But Vladimir heard
The discouraging word
And now Stazy is pushing up Daizies

Who can top that dazzling display of poetic mastery? Let's go, DUers! Bring it!

[Aristus]

1. My infamous unfinished limerick from the B*sh years:

A President named George W. Bush
Had his head so far up his tush
When they fell from the sky,
He attacked the wrong guy,
And........

[riqster]

2. Damn, that is a tricky one.

"And killed lots of troops in the push"?

Best I got.

[Petrushka]

34. Something with "Kush" might work --->

http://www.bing.com/search?q=george+w+bush+Kush&pc=MOZI

[Xyzse]

3. Sorry, am sick and in a weird place in my head.

Here's to that one eyed snake
Exposed to the sun near a lake
He's attached to the guy
Who used to be a spy
Is he planning to jump out a cake?

[riqster]

4. You say weird like it's a bad thing...

[Xyzse]

5. Heh

Bleary eyes and stuffed up nose
Can't even think much of prose
The head seems to expand
As if magicked by a wand
Should just head to the bed I suppose.

[riqster]

6. That was my sinuses. A few weeks back.

We should all be so talented, to be able to limerickify in such straits.

[MrMickeysMom]

7. A Republican I know named Bruno...

Said all about fucking I do know
An intern is fine
A whore is divine
But a tea-bagger's numero uno!

(thank-you-very-much… I'm-here-all-week!)

[riqster]

8. "Tipping is NOT a city in China!"

"Take care of your servers".

[MrMickeysMom]

9. Not much of a slam response, there riqster...

At least rhyme to me when not making sense!

[riqster]

10. No, that was in response to the nightclub line.

I have heard them both from comics and lounge lizards.

You want rhymes? I'll give you rhymes, and your little dog too:

An impetuous couple named Kelly
Are now forced to live belly to belly
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly

[MrMickeysMom]

19. Ahhhh!

(bah-dah-boom!)

[riqster]

20. Exactly!

[CBGLuthier]

11. One I learned from Asimov

One or two of his 500 books were about limericks.


There once was a couple from Kelly
Who found themselves stuck belly-to-belly
Because in their haste
They used library paste
instead of the KY Jelly.

[riqster]

13. Get out of my head!

[Glorfindel]

18. I think he wrote this one..

On Saturn the sexes are three,
Which is awkward, I'm sure you'll agree.
For performing con brio,
It calls for a trio,
And it even takes two for a pee.

[riqster]

26. That is excellent.

[Auggie]

29. Another from a contest in which Asimov was a judge:

The bustard's an exquisite fowl
With minimal reason to growl
He escapes what would be
Illegitimacy
By grace of a fortunate vowel.

I remembered reading this in Time from 1978(!) This was the first prize winner (a mere $50) of Connecticut's Mohegan Community College limerick contest. Isaac Asimov was the judge. "Alas, not very lecherous," Asimov said, but he was still "delighted" with the one word fourth line, "Illegitimacy." As am I.

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,916139,00.html

[riqster]

12. Dave Vitter, he does love his diapers

With prostitutes acting as wipers
His wish to be Pampered
Is strangely not hampered
By reporters, those venomous vipers.

[antiquie]

14. Chuckling, no, no,

I'm disgusted.

[riqster]

15. Here is one that's less kinky, then:

A cranky old man named John Boehner
Said "I don't want to seem a complainer,
But all those Teabaggers
Feh! Just knuckledraggers
I truly do wish they were saner".

[antiquie]

16. ~

[Orrex]

30. Here are a few of mine on the subject way back on DU2

When Vitter first sought the election,
He campaigned for a moral direction.
But the oath that he swore
Made the diapers he wore
Fair game for the public's inspection.

The embarrassed young john had a dream
To be diapered and powdered and cleaned.
"Can you do it?" he prodded.
The Madam just nodded.
"We call it The Vitter Supreme."

To his wife and his God up above,
He's contrite, now that push comes to shove,
But one question remains
For the Vitter campaign:
Were they Pampers or Huggies or Luvs?


Now forgive me if I should seem haughty;
I don't care who's nice or who's naughty
But you'd think that a Senator,
A moral progenitor,
Would be trained in the use of the potty.


I have some Limbaugh limericks on there too. Need to find them...

[riqster]

31. Masterful!

[riqster]

17. A right winger watched that Fox News

It corrupted him worse than did booze
His wife said "You hater!
I'm gone, see you later!"
And now he is singing the blues.

[ashling]

21. Cyrus the Reaperman

There once was a reaper named Cyrus
Who kept his accounts on papyrus
No one knew if he lied
Or how many had died
For his jots were made with glyphs heiros.

[riqster]

22. Oh my, a highbrow limerick!

Magnifique!

[ashling]

23. Why, thank you very much

In graduate school I was researching the the henequin - wheat complex relationship in which Cyrus McCormick was a big player. I started referring to him as "Cyrus the Reaper Man" both due to his invention (McCormick's Reaper) and the death and tragedy suffered upon thousands of Mexican peasants in the process.

[riqster]

24. Fascinating

[riqster]

25. A man named Frick was a Fracker

A huge environmental attacker
He said as he drilled
"If my wallet is filled,
My heart will become ever blacker".

[riqster]

27. That Capable Dem Alex Sink,

Took her campaign to the brink
Of an electoral win
But Dem turnout was thin
Another seat drowned in the drink.

[Callmecrazy]

28. There once was a man named McQueen...

Who invented a wanking machine,
Concave and convex,
To fit either sex,
And remarkably easy to clean.

[riqster]

32. Ribald!

[Petrushka]

33. Here are two of mine that were published at least 40 years ago . . .

. . . in Letters from Limerick, a now defunct little magazine. The first one was published again
a couple years ago in TRINACRIA, a relatively new magazine for formal poetry:



A mishap while skating at Dis
prepared my libido for this*
when a pyrotechnician
in a flash of ambition
detonated premarital bliss.



LIMERAIKU

There once was a mad-
am, I hear, who was sorry
she blew in my ear.

_________________________________________________
* "this" was printed upside-down in Letters from Limerick.

[riqster]

36. Limeraiku? Genius.

[Petrushka]

37. Oh, yes! The guy who fathered the limeraiku form was indeed a genius. But . . .

Last edited Thu Mar 13, 2014, 10:36 PM - Edit history (1)

. . . what I wrote isn't a legitimate limeraiku because I didn't follow the "rules" for the limeraiku form.

Conferssion: My "LIMERAIKU" is a free verse bastard child from way-back-when I didn't know any better.

(Fact is: I didn't know there are "rules" for limeraiku until I made a google search a few minutes ago!)



http://everything2.com/title/limeraiku

[riqster]

38. Well, damn me, this is fascinating.

Never even heard of the form until you posted. Thank you!

[riqster]

35. There once was a man from South Kent

Whose dick was so long that it bent.
To save himself trouble,
He folded it double
And instead of coming, he went.