10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand.

[elleng]

Who Says Engineers Don’t Have A Sense Of Humor?

http://www.tickld.com/x/10-jokes-only-engineers-will-understand

[intaglio]

1. They missed one

What is the difference between a Doctor and an Engineer?

Doctors only kill people one at a time.

[elleng]

2. OH NO!

[Wounded Bear]

3. Hey, I resemble that!

[elleng]

4. Waiting to hear what my best friend says!!!

[Demeter]

5. Those are jokes ABOUT engineers

Engineering jokes consist of stuff like the pornographic interpretations in Maxwell's equations:








which leads to this:







And lastly, the Engineer's Motto:



Cool T-shirts from http://www.zazzle.com/physics+tshirts

[elleng]

6. :-)

[NV Whino]

7. Those are good. Jokes.

[question everything]

8. Last week we heard Neil DeGrasse Tyson

who is a wonderful speaker, touched on the ignorance in our country.

He talked "bad math" about the levees that collapsed after Katrina (it was not the hurricane, it was the levees) about the collapsing of other bridges and cranes, including the bridge over the 35W in Minneapolis, and then showed pictures of the Roman aqueducts that still stand across Europe adding that "the Romans paid too much, as they stills stand long after the empire disappeared."

[Benton D Struckcheon]

9. That last one is going to have my wife rolling her eyes.

It's a pretty perfect description of what I would do.

[Shrek]

31. I don't think #10 is a joke

The husband did as instructed.

[MrScorpio]

10. Loved #4

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

[Turbineguy]

11. What do Engineers use

for birth control?

Their personalities.

[tclambert]

12. A priest, a judge, and an engineer are about to be executed during the French Revolution.

As the executioner leads the priest to the guillotine, the priest asks, "As I am a man of God, may I be executed facing upward toward Heaven?" The executioner shrugs, and agrees. The blade comes comes down but stops just before touching the priest's throat. "Mon Dieu!" the crowd screams. "A miracle." And they release the priest.

The judge considers for a moment and also requests to face upward in the guillotine. Again the blade stops just short of killing him and the crowd demands his release.

The engineer sees the pattern and requests to face upward, too. But just before the executioner lets the blade go, the engineer says, "Hey, wait. I think I see your problem. There's a knot in the rope."

[elleng]

13. HAHAHAHA!

[CrispyQ]

18. Still laughing!

[burrowowl]

14. Good Jokes!

The contributions are also very good.
The guillotine one was

[mackerel]

15. Those are great! I have to send them to my son.

[Silver Swan]

16. As I read these jokes, I was reminded of the engineer who was my husband.

I don't know if he would have been amused because I cannot recall ever hearing him laugh.

[Phentex]

24. Mine laughs BUT sometimes he does not realize when I am joking...

instead, he will start to explain something regarding my comment. Then I'll have tell him I was joking and it ruins the whole thing. He can be soooooooo serious.

[Mopar151]

28. Ask engineers about how some folks explain things to THEM......

Auto mechanic, electrician, IT tech..... Seriously - it's like someone you thought was human tries to explain it, but all of a sudden American English is their fifth language.


My late friend was a wizard mechanic - when the ASE cert tests came out, he took them all - car, truck, autobody - one of the first in the country to cert in every category. "You would'nt fookin' beleive it! I'm out in the shop, workin' on the 'Roid, got beers goin', people stoppin by, and I get the call - "Wiz - my car is goi'n wuckw wuckw wuckq, wiki wiki, wack! What's wrong?" And All I can think of is that I need a whole lot of whatever the fuck it is they been smokin'!"

[CrispyQ]

17. Those were good. Here's another one.

How do you tell an introverted engineer from an extroverted engineer?

.
.
.
.
.
.

The extroverted engineer looks at the toes of your shoes.

[elleng]

20. HAHAHA!

[BlancheSplanchnik]

26. LOLOL!

Win!!

[ggmac0427]

19. my engineer sister-in-law

My sister-in-law has a PhD in Engineering Mechanics, and is very focused on engineering subjects only.

When we passed a playground sign that depicted two children on a see-saw, she asked, "Why do they have a fulcrum with a balance beam and two people at the ends of the beam, on that sign?"

[elleng]

21. FUNNY!

[rickyhall]

22. Maxwell: Didn't he have a silver hammer?

[riqster]

23. Brilliant!

[burfman]

25. from the joke contest at edn.com - an engineering magazine web site

Bill Gates ends up in Purgatory in a conference room with St. Peter and Satan. They tell Bill his inventions have done great amounts of good and harm, and they can't decide where he belongs. So they are going to let him choose after he gets tours of heaven and hell.

St. Peter takes him up to heaven. Bill thinks it's nice, but the puffy white clouds and harp music will get pretty boring after awhile. Next, Satan takes him for a tour of hell. To Bill's surprise he is on a white coral beach with turquoise water. Gorgeous women in bikins are serving trays of drinks!

Back in Purgatory, they ask Bill for his decision. He said heaven would frankly become boring, so his choice is hell.... Poof! Bill is in hell. The super hot air is full of sulphur and agonized screams. Satan is prodding him along with a red-hot pitchfork! Bill is shocked, and asks "The beach and the women...what happened?"

Satan says with a loud laugh..."Oh, that was the demo version!"

[Indyfan53]

27. #5 ouch!

[Spitfire of ATJ]

29. I just spent a couple of hours replacing computer fans with quiet ones....

....I was sitting here listening to what sounded like a irregular tapping noise like something was hitting a fan.

It was faint and hard to isolate.

After looking for what seemed like forever I shut every computer down and the noise was still there.

Turned out it was three birds bickering at each other outside.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

30. Great thread!

I'd post a couple of jokes, but they've been posted already.

XKCD is a great resource: http://www.xkcd.com

http://www.xkcd.com/1363/



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