My neighbor just sprayed me in the face with a hose - what would you do?!1

[UTUSN]

No, really. This was an after-hours little "friendly" chat at the fence, him & his wife right there.

They're one of those couples who have no interest in the world, just themselves. There was NO provocation. The a-hole dude just thought it was funny.

I *am* going to bring it to his attention.

[MrMickeysMom]

1. ...

What did you initially do with this act?

[UTUSN]

4. I was shocked, then said/told him not to wet my laptop n/t

[bluedigger]

2. Get nekkid and ask for soap.

That'll learn 'em.

[Brigid]

30. And we have our thread winner.

[NJCher]

3. I think you should resort to juvenile tricks

But make sure it can't be traced to you.

Also, I would wait awhile so he's off guard. Wait a week or two.


Cher

p.s. I personally do not have any recommendations, but if you want, I'll ask my brother. He is an expert on juvenile tricks.

[UTUSN]

5. I don't do juvenile tricks. Tomorrow I'll just say hey dude what you doing? n/t

[IrishAyes]

8. So am I.

UTUSN should go outside again some evening w/o the laptop but have an open primo beer in hand. When Bad Neighbor comes out, ask him if he wants a beer. Likely as not he'll say yes. That's when your spastic condition kicks in and you pretty much drench him.

At this point you must run inside your house, bolt all the doors and windows, hide in the basement, and never come out. Just trying to help, UTUSN.

You don't park your car on the street, do you?

[mackerel]

6. I'd stay away from that freak! I'd tell anybody walking by his house to stay away too.

[IrishAyes]

7. Good advice.

Some people are just cranks; others are dangerous cranks.

That said, there used to be a complaint website called BadNeighbor.com where people could go to vent.

[IrishAyes]

9. Kindly see #8.

I've been told repeating myself is a sure sign of senility.

[orleans]

10. the revenge

light a bag of dog poo on fire on his front porch,
ring the bell & just stand there and wait for him to come out
when he asks you what the hell you think you're doing
tell him you are just being funny
hahahahaha
like he was being earlier with the hose

[CBGLuthier]

31. I know it is an attempt at levity but everytime someone suggests this I cringe

An entire family was killed in my town by someone doing this prank. There are pranks and there are acts of felonious murder. What you suggested can turn from one into the other in minutes.


http://newsok.com/heartache-of-fatal-fire-hasnt-healed/article/2913202

Oliver "Jack Wilder, 63, and Connie Somers-Wilder, 48, and their children, Daneel, 19; Leisylle, 17; and Aimy, 12, died in the blaze at 5109 Madera Terrace with neighbor Karla Hayes, 15.


Early on, Young said, investigators thought the fire may have been a neighbor's prank gone terribly wrong.

April Coberly, who was 18 at the time, was questioned and polygraphed in the case. Her mother, Pat Coberly, previously told The Oklahoman her daughter was being pressured into confessing that she placed an Avon box filled with dog feces on the porch, then set it afire.

[orleans]

38. yes, that did go terribly wrong. how horrible. n/t

[Aerows]

11. Shout at the neighbor

and then come on DU so you don't throttle his butt?

Your neighbor sounds like a butthole.

[BlueJazz]

12. You're a more mature and better person than I am.

I would do something that no normal well-adjusted person would ever do.
Wait till they went shopping one day and spray their lawn with Roundup.

[pipi_k]

23. If someone has a nice lawn...

it's fun to spray the word "asshole" on it with Roundup, then wait for the grass to die...

[NJCher]

13. I know you're way more mature than I

But indulge me.

Invite him and the wife over. Offer a seat on your lawn chairs. You will have this cushion awaiting him. Being self-involved, he will not bother to interpret:






Cher

[rug]

14. Take up archery.

Aim at the fence.

[jmowreader]

15. The water meter should be in the sidewalk in front of his house

You can turn his water off at the meter with a pair of pliers, if you don't have a water meter key. (They're less than $10.)

[rudolph the red]

16. I'd knock on his door and ask him to step outside,

people that do stuff like that need to get their ass kicked every now and then.

[raptor_rider]

17. Drink the water

Then spit it back, just watering their yard!!!

[Sherman A1]

18. I would confront him

explain that you did not appreciate his actions and explain that you will not be having any more friendly chats across the fence.

[lovemydog]

19. Buy a water cannon

aim it at his house. Tell him you heard there's a hurricane coming.

[mnhtnbb]

20. It is awful to have a$$hole neighbors. Believe me, I've been there.

Best thing to do, is ignore him in the future.

Starting up a tit for tat contest will just accelerate the misery.

You can't change anybody. If he's an a$$hole, he will continue to be one.
Don't give him any future opportunity to demonstrate it so personally to you.

Jerk.

[avebury]

21. I totally agree.

Plus ignoring him may have the bonus impact of irritating him. Some a@@holes can't stand to be ignored. Life is just too short to let anyone else control how you live.

[femmocrat]

24. I also agree.

I had a neighbor who tried to make my life a living hell for 17 years. The best thing to do is to ignore them or they start to take up room in your head.

[hedgehog]

29. Don't engage! It will only lead to escalation, which will not end well!

Just be sure to show pity for his wife, she has to put up with that 24/7.

[Kaleva]

22. It depends on what the "friendly" chat was about.

[Xyzse]

25. I have no idea....

I am young enough that I can pull off retaliating by throwing water from a bucket on them.

[LiberalEsto]

26. Escalate

Rent a water cannon

[Kali]

27. holy crap!

what an ass! was he drunk? not sure what I would do after the fact, at the time I probably would have yelled at him and called him a name or two.

[d_r]

28. maybe he thought

that you are better friends than you think you are, maybe he was making a good natured joke. Maybe he isn't very good at making good natured jokes.

[UTUSN]

32. Actually, this rings true. n/t

[Aerows]

33. That's a good point

Maybe he's just really socially awkward - that could be why they are so self-absorbed, they don't really know how to make friends very well.

[Iggo]

36. Hadn't thought of it that way.

That could totally be it.

[Wait Wut]

34. I would have laughed right along with him...

...then grabbed the hose, shoved it down his throat and turned it on full blast. In his mind, that would have been fucking hilarious.

I have a short fuse. Buddhism has helped a little, but not enough for me to tolerate fuckwads.

[Iggo]

35. I dunno, but it would have been immediate.

Can't wait a day to retaliate on something like that.

Window? Closed.

[Enrique]

37. nothing, except not ever talking to him again

he's probably used to people doing that.