Will they leave me alone, now?

[madamesilverspurs]

Okay, that was fun! I just got one of “those” phone calls, the one where the caller tells me that he’s calling from Microsoft (he isn’t) because there’s a problem with Windows on my computer.

Me: What? No, my windows are fine, the housekeeper washes them every week.

Him: Microsoft Windows.

Me: My windows aren’t soft!

Him: On your computer.

Me (in my best old-lady voice): But my windows are in my walls…

Him: The Windows system, in your computer.

Me: I won a computer?

Him: No, missus, you have a computer with Windows virus.

Me: No, the only thing by my window is a plant, but I think it needs watering.

Him: I’m calling about your computer, your COMPUTER.

Me: When will it get here?

Him: You have it, your COMPUTER, it has a virus.

Me: That can’t be, I took my pills this morning.

Him: Your COMPUTER!

Me: Yes, sometimes the pills help with that.

Him: (pause) Is your computer turned on? We need to fix the Windows.

Me: Well, let me go look at my windows. I’ll have to put the phone down, the cord won’t stretch that far.

Him: Missus, you don’t have to do that. … Hello? Hello? (mumbling) (click)

Me: hehehehehehehe………..

[PennyK]

1. Nice work!

At this point, I just say "everyone knows this is a scam."

[flying_wahini]

2. I'll have to remember this one.

N/t

[Tipperary]

3. Good one!

[DFW]

4. I just tell people back home to ask the caller for their name and home phone number

Inevitably: I can't give that out.

Why?

Because we're not authorized to.

But I need them. Especially your home phone number.

What for?

So I can call you at home at all hours of the day to try to sell YOU useless stuff you don't want.
------------

That usually has the desired effect.

[gratuitous]

12. Yep, I always ask for their full name

And if they refuse, I ask to speak with their manager, who is never there. Sometimes I tell them that if the manager isn't there, they should take the opportunity to flee that sweatshop and try to get an honest job.

Sometimes I answer "Department of Justice, Consumer Fraud Division." That gets some interesting responses.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

5. I usually play along...

...and when they ask for money, I give the email address for my latest Nigerian Bank scammer and suggest they contact him as he has million$ in trust for me.

[blogslut]

6. I have yet to experience that scam.

But your story has inspired me to provide a short, shocking response should I ever be at the receiving end of one of those calls:

"I don't have a computer."

[LiberalElite]

7. That response didn't work for an elderly friend of mine -

She got the call from the person I call "Kumar in Bangalore" and, raised to be totally honest she told him "I don't have a computer anymore I gave it to my niece." "Kumar" responded: "You're lying to me Miss ______"

[blogslut]

8. That gives one the entree to get pretend mad.

"Are you calling me a liar? I want to speak to your manager, now!"

Then again, I'm not nearly as honest as your friend. My mother, who hated to lie, would literally go step into the bathtub when unwanteds called and then instruct us kids to tell the person: "She's in the tub!"

She also had an amazing smooth-but-commanding voice and when salespeople would call or come by she would stop them with a calm, but firm "Thank you, I'm not interested" then immediately hang up or close the door.

[LiberalElite]

9. Your mother was a lot more clever

than my friend, who admits she isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. She told me sometimes she got more than one call a day from these frauds. She didn't get pretend mad, she argued with this guy, because she was raised to be truthful and "Kumar" had really touched a nerve. I told her, "Kumar" is part of a scam and you owe him NOTHING, not an excuse, not an explanation, not a reason, NOTHING!!!!!!

(This was part of a discussion we had regarding her using the answering machine to screen calls. She eventually reluctantly agreed.)

I'm really glad she got rid of that computer. She was in waaay over her head.

[blogslut]

10. Yeah.

Mind you, there's nothing wrong with basic courtesy but I think some folks aren't taught the difference between that and being submissive. Mom was a gracious, open person but she never took crap. She wasn't rude but instead, mastered the art of backing off.

[GOLGO 13]

11. Once I name drop, "Linux box" they hang up.

Stupid scam.

[csziggy]

13. I've been telling them that their warnings scared me so much

I replaced my Windows computer with an Apple. The last guy wanted me to install Windows on my Mac. When I told him I didn't want to put Windows on my Mac because of the viruses he kept calling me and warning me about, he snorted and hung up.

Sometimes I tell them I've installed Linux. Most of the time they don't know what that is - that's why I started telling them I'd bought an Apple computer instead.

[jmowreader]

14. I've gotten three of those so far

I told the first guy I was the first newspaperman to write a story about the scam he was pulling.

The second guy? He told me, "your computer is about to crash because of the large number of viruses on it, do you know that?" I told him, "the only thing I know is, if I give you access to my computer it really will crash."

The third guy? I told him my computer was at my workplace but if he called the office at 202-324-3000 they'd give him all the help he needs.

For some reason, telling scammers to call the FBI makes them not want to call back.