Ugh... relationship advice again!

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

A month and two days ago, I had been dumped by someone who met someone else. I ended up going to a Meetup event thinking I'd be bored out of my mind. This good looking guy sat next to me, we talked and... let's just say that we have been seeing each other since then. It turns out that there are many serendipitous things we have in common, chief of which that we are both from Las Vegas.

We haven't had as much time as we'd like to spend together, primarily due to his busy schedule and a bunch of traveling that he had set up before he met me. We text each other every day and we do like each other a lot. I have no problem admitting to you all that I've fallen for him. I do not know how he feels about me, since we haven't discussed it openly except to tell each other that we are glad we met, hinting at our feelings and using a lot of kissing emojis

He's been wanting to return to the kind of job he used to have in LV (he also has a lot of friends there). He had a Skype interview last week that went very well and the potential employer indicated that it wants to fill the position very quickly. It turns out they really like him because they're flying him to Vegas next week. Having hired many people before, that's a pretty good sign for him. I couldn't be happier for him, I told him as much and how I stand by him, supporting him, but of course my heart is breaking ...

So, here is where I need help... (1) how do/should I tell him how I feel about him a month and a day in? (2) should I start looking for a job there? I wouldn't mind returning to LV (it's cheaper than SF for sure), but (3) how would I ask him if he wants me to come along?

To complicate things, while he's extroverted in the sense that he has a lot of friends, etc., he is very timid and old-fashioned (it's hard to describe) with relationships He does a lot of things by himself (traveling, going to concerts, etc.) and appreciates his 'me' time.

[luvMIdog]

1. Every time I give relationship advice the person who asked stops talking to me because it's never

what they want to hear. I think the advice I would give you is something you would not want to hear either, so I'll just keep it to myself. I wish you luck and happiness

[angstlessk]

2. If you are at this point and it is a unilateral decision hold off!

Tell him how you feel, but do not tell him you are ready to alter your entire life for him, till either he asks, or you two come to a mutual agreement!

And I ain't no lonely hearts adviser....

[mac56]

3. Random thoughts

I would bet he already knows how you feel about him. And he sounds like an old fashioned gent who appreciates a courtship period. It's always intimidating to be the first one to say it, so please prepare yourself for anything.

Planning on changing jobs and relocating with him may be a bridge too far just yet. Have the discussion, and then see where things lead.

Good for both of you!

[kimbutgar]

4. Have a long distance relationship and get to know him more

You should definitely tell him you like him and hope you stay on touch. But to move to LV for a guy you hardly know makes you sound needy. Keep it day to day and your options open. I always kept a couple of guys I dated on the side until I decided to marry the man who's been my husband for 28 years. I also never slept with anyone until I knew them more than 3 months. Take it slow and have fun. Guys like the chase. I worked around a bunch of guys in an office and used to hear them talk about their dates and they all agreed they hated needy girls and perferred ones who played hard to get. I know dating has changed but not so much in certain aspects.

[LisaM]

5. If you're from Las Vegas, I think you should definitely hold off on trying to move there right away.

It seems that you could visit or go there fairly often (especially a cheap flight from SF) without making a commitment right away. I was in a long distance relationship for a year and he had family where I lived, and it was a good thing that we figured out first if we wanted to live in the same town. In this case, it seems as if you'll have plenty of opportunity to make this assessment without actually going directly to Las Vegas.

I think you kind of actually know that yourself, or you wouldn't be asking? Maybe not exactly what you want to hear, but I don't think moving somewhere on the basis of six weeks - at least when you don't have to, and you can still see him frequently if he does move - makes sense.

[Croney]

6. You sound pretty hopeful, to even consider

picking up and moving your whole life to another place based on a one-month relationship. I think you should hold your head high, buckle up your self-esteem, and either wait for him to make a move or come right out and tell him you're crazy about him and hope you have a future together. Good luck.

[mercuryblues]

7. ask yourself these questions

Are you willing to leave behind what you have in SF to follow a guy you barely know out of state?

By come along, do you mean live with him or get your own place and see if the relationship works out?

He may enjoy his "me time" but how will you feel when you follow him out there and he goes off by himself quite often?

[Phoenix61]

8. Just some thoughts

This is a generalization but here goes,
Women, typically, are much more in tune with our emotions. We have been taught about feelings and how to express them since we were little girls. Men, on the other hand not so much. Men tend to figure out how they feel when they think about what the do. Gee, I call her all the time, I think about her all the time, I missed the football game to go shopping with her..If we call him, if we are always there, he will never figure it out. This is not about playing hard to get as much as it is about letting the relationship unfold naturally rather then forcing it. If he wants to pursue a relationship with you, he will. If he gets the job, you can casually let him know you aren't opposed to one day moving back there but I wouldn't do any more than that. And lastly, one thing almost every victim of domestic violence reports is that the relationship moved very, very fast. If it's right, it won't go away if you take it slow.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. You've known this guy for only a month, and got involved right after being dumped.

I would recommend slowing down and not making any major commitments to this person, or deciding to move to another city. A month just isn't long enough to know whether this is likely to be the real deal, though it might seem like it now. The fact that he's willing to move to LV for a job suggests he might not be ready for a committed relationship just yet; though obviously that could change. Wait to see if he gets the job before even hinting at anything. If he doesn't get it you can continue to see each other as you've been doing and see how it goes. If he does get it, try to make the best of a long-distance relationship. If after awhile you and he are still an item you could suggest that you might want to move back to LV since you're from there anyhow, and see how he responds. If he reacts positively, then start looking for a job there. If he seems lukewarm, you won't have burned any bridges and you'll know to move on.

[electron_blue]

10. I agree with Velveteen Ocelot.

[Laffy Kat]

11. Don't rush in to anything.

If "it" is there now, it will be there later, too. Especially don't uproot yourself at this point. One way to see if he wants you to come along to LV is waiting for him to ask. Good luck, I hope it works out.

[AgadorSparticus]

12. You're not even at the 3 month mark. Just my opinion, but..

But that is much too soon to be making this sort of life changing decision for someone you have barely met. You really don't know him yet. But I truly believe that when a door is closing, it is for a reason. If it is meant to work, the universe will open doors to make it happen.

Just my opinion. Everyone is different.

[hunter]

13. Once you leave San Francisco it's difficult to go back.

After moving to a place like Las Vegas, should you ever want to return to San Francisco you'll be competing for jobs and housing with all the other people who want to live in San Francisco.

Not relationship advice, but it's something to think about.

It shouldn't be that way, but it is. (I blame the international investment cults, people who would rather "invest" their money in San Francisco than their own home cities, thus driving up San Francisco housing costs, often to the detriment of their home cities.)

[Yavin4]

14. A couple of questions for you

1. Have you met his friends?
2. Have you been to his house?
3. Have you met his parents?

[haele]

15. SF to LV isn't that long a way.

Laz and I had a very long distance relationship - San Diego, CA to Dothen, AL via Skype, mschat, and phone calls with only three "holiday weekend" visits for a year before we got married.
That was after we got to appreciate each other's posts in a couple online newsgroups and decided to "meet up" in a neutral vacation destination we both were interested in so we could figure out if we were real people or just online personalities that would end up in the friend zone at best. He had been seriously burned by his ex-wife, and he was very cautious about getting into a relationship again.

We've now been married for 15 years.

I've also known couples that drifted apart in similar situations. Don't get me wrong, they were still friendly, but they had enough different interests that the relationship couldn't handle the lack of constant interaction.

So, keep your options open with him. But if I were in that situation, (especially if this might be a rebound situation) I wouldn't make a decision to move for at least six months in - and that's only if the relationship has become more deeply rooted - and I would be prepared for a drift apart. Follow your instincts, but be aware of the risks. That's the best advice I can give you.

Haele

[cwydro]

16. One month is way too early to make that decision.

Honestly, I'd be running for the hills if someone I was dating said that to me after a month.