Humor for the Day

[kairos12]

Why does a pirate never answer his phone?

Because it's always off the hook!!



Pre-cellphone humor.

[PJMcK]

1. Okay, you asked for it!

Q: What is a pirate's favorite style of socks?
A: Arrrrgyle.

Q: What does a pirate think happens at the end of time?
A: Arrrrmageddon.

Q: What's a pirate's favorite food?
A: Arrrrrtichokes.

Q: What's a pirate's favorite basketball move?
A: Jump hook.

Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook.

Q: Where do pirates find their birds?
A: Parrots Without Partners.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

Q: Did you hear about the pirate's parrot that fell in love with a duck?
A: The bird kept saying, "Polly wants a quacker".

[kairos12]

2. That's why it's Jolly Roger.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate... "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the ship's surgeon fixed me right up."

"But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Oh, yeah. We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook."

The bartender says, "But what about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "How could have lost an eye just from some bird poop?"

"Well," says the pirate sadly, "I wasn't really used to the hook yet..."