I try to paint most days.

[LiberalLoner]

It gives me something to do, gets me out of bed.


[url=https://postimg.cc/CBmh3x8y][img][/img][/url]

[Ocelot II]

1. Love it!

[LiberalLoner]

5. Thank you.

[Walleye]

2. Very nice painting, a very peaceful scene

[LiberalLoner]

6. Thank you.

[applegrove]

3. So serene. You are great.

[LiberalLoner]

7. Thank you.

[LiberalLoner]

4. I wonder sometimes if I will ever be free

Or if I will be tracked and hunted and watched all the rest of my days.
Or until…

I am in a prison and no one will tell me what I did wrong to deserve all of this.

[LiberalLoner]

20. The one thing that has remained consistent from the very start

Is that feeling, I wish none of this had ever happened.

I wish I could erase time, erase memories.

I can understand why people turn to drugs. You want to blot out memories, thoughts, feelings.

I never got it before, but now I do. Or you really understand the longing for death.

So senseless. All of it was so senseless.

[LiberalLoner]

40. Yeah, this is how I feel these days.

&feature=shares

[LiberalLoner]

41. Maybe I will get lucky

And death will come to me soon. It’s nice to have hope.

[femmedem]

43. I never would have guessed from your art that you're so unhappy.

Your work looks as if you have a rare eye for beauty.

My art saves me from collapsing under the stress of my job. Even if I only have time on the weekends, it's time when I'm absolutely not thinking about work.

[LiberalLoner]

44. (((Hugs))) I am sorry for the stress you are carrying. Your work must be very important, I think.

It is always the most important work that inflicts the most stress.

There has been a year and a half of cyber bullying of me by people I once looked up to and it’s taken its toll on me.

I feel marked as a leper and damaged and separate, never a chance to rejoin humanity or feel okay inside ever again. I feel profoundly alone no matter who is around. I can’t feel or accept any love offered to me. I am standing behind a glass wall with no door, with everyone else on the other side.

I am going through the motions, for everything. For anything. I look in the mirror in the morning and put on my makeup but feel such a strong urge to take an exacto knife and carve instead.

Just pretending to be normal on the outside.

I put on my makeup so I look normal. I do art so I seem normal.

I respond in the ways I have to, to appear normal. Going through the motions.

People tell me, it must be such a joyful thing to make your art. I smile and say “yes.”

The whole time I am creating I am telling myself how stupid and worthless I am and have always been and my existence is an affront to the universe.

The daydream that brings me happiness these days is being told by a doctor I have only a few months to live.

Some people dream of winning the lottery or going on a vacation or achieving something or buying something.

I guess I am dropping the mask here and exposing the real me. People get angry when I do that and it never ends well for me but lately I am tired of wearing the mask of normality.

[femmedem]

46. Thank you and (((hugs))) to you too.

It says a lot about you that you have retained your empathy even when you are in such pain.

I wrote a lot and accidentally just deleted it somehow. I don't know if I'll be able to recreate it. But I remember that part of what I wrote is that cyberbullying is incredibly painful and traumatizing, and after a year and a half I'm not surprised that you're feeling this way. If you ever want to tell me more about it, you can message me. I won't be angry and it won't go badly for you. I might be slow to respond because of work but I will respond.

I lost a beloved partner to suicide twenty-five years ago. I couldn't bear to read how you were feeling and not have anyone respond, not have anyone acknowledge what you'd said.

I hope you can bear in mind that the problem isn't you, the problem is what people did and are doing to you. It is normal to be profoundly depressed in the face of prolonged bullying. They are depriving you of the basic human need to belong. It would drive almost anyone into a depression. But I hope you can also know that some of what you are thinking--that you are stupid and worthless and not normal--are symptoms, not facts. They are symptoms of depression as much as sneezing is a symptom of hay fever.

I don't know if you have tried seeing a councilor, but I hope you will consider it. I think that the depression you're suffering in response to the abuse you've suffered is a life-threatening medical condition, and you might need help climbing out of it.

The fact that you opened up on DU says that you really do want connection. That's a good sign. I think it's a sign that you will be ok again.

About my work: I do love my job. I just need more hours in the day. I don't do life-saving work: I work in historic preservation. My intern and I have been conducting oral histories with people who've lived in public housing in our city, including a housing project that was recently demolished. Now we're figuring out how to present everything to the public. We'll be sharing our first video montage at the organization's annual meeting in a couple of days. If I could just do that work, it would be awesome. But that on top of grant applications, research requests, collaboration requests, even supervising volunteers--well, any of that would be awesome, too. I just can't keep doing fourteen hour days.

[LiberalLoner]

47. Thank you for your incredibly kind and caring reply

I am touched by it and it means the world to me.

I am grateful you took the time and energy to reach out to me even while you are stretched to the limit with trying to accomplish the important but Herculean work of honoring the lives of people and recording their histories.

I have often enjoyed reading histories recorded during the WPA times in the depression era and recognize the importance and long lasting impact of the work you are doing. Thank you for that, as well.

I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. 😭

Thank you for reassuring me it’s normal to feel badly after enduring this much bullying.

Thank you. ❤️🙏

[2naSalit]

8. Holy cow!

That's gorgeous!

How long did it take to get to this point with it?

What's the medium, oil or acrylic or..?

[LiberalLoner]

9. Thank you so much. Soft pastel. Been playing I guess about 11 or 12 years now.

[2naSalit]

10. The colors are so rich.

And I like the shades you use. Blues, greens and some purple-ish are my favorite combinations. But you'd never know that from at least half of my artwork.

[LiberalLoner]

11. Thank you. What medium do you like best to work in?

[2naSalit]

13. Almost anything...

Seriously, I;m not dedicated to anything.

I haven't used pastels in quite a while, or charcoal which I love. But I usually tell people - "Give me some construction paper, glitter, macaroni and glue and I'll give a you a piece of art."

I have worked with, most recently, pencil - color and black; block printing linoleum, oil based ink, watercolor paint, I prefer Prang solids like they used in grade school. Also decorative beading as in medallions and panels for medicine bags and hatbands. I just learned the peyote stitch so I am hoping to get back to that, it's not for lack of supplies that I stopped, long story.

I do like watercolor and someone gave me a nice set of acrylics recently but I haven't used them yet. I'm getting ready to buy paper and ink for a printing soon so I think I'll get what I need to dabble in those.

And then there's music and photography. And I once trained in publishing arts before desktop computers happened and graduated after they were fully on the scene.

I actually have too many interests, I'm sure I'm not master of many.

[LiberalLoner]

14. Wow, you are incredibly multi-talented! That's really amazing and very admirable! I find

There is something about Montana that gives those of us from there, an urge to make art.

[2naSalit]

16. Well...

Many interests, I'll let someone else be the judge of whether it's talent!

And I didn't start out here but the first time I came here in the mid 1970s, I decided I would retire here and I did. It sure is inspiring and has caused me to make a lot of things. Some of it I do just because it seems like it's fun to try and then it turns out well so I do more of that until I run out of supplies or enthusiasm. I have a few projects in the works currently but nothing I feel confident in putting online right now.

Your pastel is lovely, though. It looks like something I would take a picture of, only yours has an effect I don't know if I could capture easily if at all.

[Diamond_Dog]

12. That's just gorgeous!

Very dreamy, ethereal. Love your style!

[LiberalLoner]

15. Thank you.

[3catwoman3]

17. That is lovely. I would put that up in my house...

…in a nano-second. Reminiscent of Monet, which I tend as a compliment.

[LiberalLoner]

18. Thank you so much.

[Rebl2]

19. I was thinking

the same. Similar to Monet and would definitely put that in my living room!

[LiberalLoner]

21. Thank you.

[Tetrachloride]

22. I have been to the foreground many times. Ty

[LiberalLoner]

31. Thank you!

[wendyb-NC]

23. Very nice

Keep on painting, you are a very gifted artist.

[LiberalLoner]

32. Thank you!

Most of the time I hate everything I do, honestly.

[niyad]

24. Oh my goodness. So soft and serene. So glad you get out of bed to share this

beauty with us.

[LiberalLoner]

33. Thank you!

[Irish_Dem]

25. Very nice. I like it a lot.

Blue water, green grass, periwinkle hills.

[LiberalLoner]

34. Thank you!

[LoisB]

26. I am so far from an art critic but my immediate thought upon seeing this was Monet. I find this

to be very beautiful.

[LiberalLoner]

35. Thank you!

[ancianita]

27. I love pastels. Yours is beautiful. Thank you.

Stay with the meaning you make. The world will work itself out. Glad you have something to wake up for -- making beauty.

[LiberalLoner]

36. Thank you!

[sinkingfeeling]

28. Really good.

[LiberalLoner]

37. Thank you!

[judesedit]

29. It seems to come natural to you, I think

Another beautiful work of art. Thank you.

[LiberalLoner]

38. Thank you!

[Bristlecone]

30. Really like it

[LiberalLoner]

39. Thank you!

[bif]

42. Absolutely gorgeous!

You have certainly mastered pastels!

[LiberalLoner]

45. Thank you!