Community poll on AIDS and breast cancer

[jumptheshadow]

I was active in AIDs groups for a few years and have led AIDS initiatives at my company.

During that time, I am sorry to say, a few lesbian friends and acquaintances questioned why I would put energy into a "gay men's cause" rather than women's health, particularly breast cancer, which claims so many lesbians.

I answered that AIDS was a woman's cause and an LGBT community cause, as well.

Fast forward to the last decade, when I have had multiple (and always clean) biopsies. Then, last year, my beloved partner was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I can't begin to tell you how heart-breaking it has been, and how inspiring it is to watch her fight so she can have more time.

While my gay male friends have been a steadfast source of personal support, I don't see them embracing breast cancer as a community cause like so many lesbians have with AIDS.

Please let me know if my perception is wrong. If it is correct, then suggest constructive methods for rallying support from our gay brothers. If possible, make me feel good by telling me stories of gay men who have rallied in support of lesbian breast cancer.

Thanks.

2 votes, 0 passes | Time left: Time expired
	I am a lesbian who has actively supported AIDs programs for the gay community.
	0 (0%)
	I am a gay man who has actively supported breast cancer programs because it devastates my lesbian "sisters."
	2 (100%)
	0 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.
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[HillWilliam]

1. Breast cancer doesn't run through my family

It meanders through, taking its time, and makes sure to touch far too many. Two of my aunts (one is a lesbian) have battled, lost their breasts, dealt with reconstruction and recurrences, lost their hair from chemo. One will be on oxygen the rest of her life. It's an evil, evil, heartbreaking, devastating disease. I've been involved with breast cancer causes since my 20s (like, the last Ice Age).

To support our sisters for me is a no-brainer. Let me add this:

Back in the 80s and early 90s, it was the lesbians and bi women who took care of our brothers. Doctors and straight nurses often refused even to touch HIV infected men. Our sisters pitched in with fundraisers, hospital visits, finding money for hospices and food banks when no one else would. I haven't forgot that kindness.

[jumptheshadow]

8. William, what a beautiful post

I was a direct witness to the AIDS epidemic, and knew or had met quite a few of the first men who had it in the days before it even had a name. I remember visiting the Pines when I was young, and getting a gut feeling that a storm was on its way. Then, the first rumors about a killer disease, and a brilliant 27-year-old friend falling to it. It was the start of a long progression of friends passing on, often leaving their life's work interrupted in mid-bloom.

I am very proud of the women who felt called to minister to their brothers. It was the first time that the various strands of our community reconciled, set aside their very different life views and experiences, and worked together.

I still miss my friends, though, and sometimes see some of them fleetingly in the faces of strangers on the streets of New York.

[Fearless]

2. I think that a lot of people, if not all...

Give importance to issues that impact them first and to those that don't second. That said, cancer impacts us all, and I feel that a large number of gay men, myself included are very supportive of breast cancer research, support, and treatment.

[Zorra]

3. So very, very, sorry about your partner, jumptheshadow.

These things are so incredibly difficult; words cannot describe.

Know that we are here for you whenever you need support.

Please, don't hesitate to come here for a hug, and a shoulder, anytime you need.

[yardwork]

4. I'm very sorry to hear of your partner's diagnosis, jumptheshadow. She sounds like an amazing person

Words on a message board don't adequately express feelings. Please know that I am thinking of you and your partner.

I hope that you read many stories here of how our gay brothers are rallying to support lesbians with breast cancer.

[dbackjon]

5. Sorry to hear about the diagnosis - best wishes

I know plenty of gay men who have donated time/money etc for breast cancer causes

But as to motivation - for me, it was a family connection - cousins, sister-in-laws etc that had it.

Breast cancer is not seen as a "lesbian" disease, but a woman's disease (although men can get it as well), so the motivation for helping out is probably on a more personal level than a community wide level.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. i dont embrace breast cancer as a community cause, in the same way i do aids

aids has literally devastated the gay community, it is horribly stigmatized and pretty much seen as a gay disease.

that's not true for breast cancer. so i don't think this equivalence is quite accurate. breast cancer is not stigmatized, it didn't at any one point starting wiping out large parts of the community.

so yes, i have done far more in terms of donating money, time and awareness raising for AIDS


my grandmother had breast cancer 10 years ago. i lost my straight best friend to breast cancer last year, so its not like i am not aware of how terrible breast cancer is, i just dont see it as a community cause the same way hiv/aids is.

i am very sorry about your partner. watching debooh fighting breast cancer last year, was the most sad thing i have had to endure. i just dont see the issues as the same. please dont take it to mean that i dont care about your health or your partners health

[jumptheshadow]

9. But it is a community cause...

...Women who haven't reproduced or who have had babies after the age of 40 are statistically vulnerable to it. When you get to be a certain age, and your friends and acquaintances start falling, you will understand much better how much impact it has on the lesbian community. Your doctors, if they are good, will inspect you more closely if you tell them you are a childless lesbian. You will see posters on their office walls reminding you that breast cancer is a particular danger to the lesbian community. Yes, breast cancer certain impacts all women, and the reach of cancer is growing. More young people are being diagnosed with it, even in families without histories of it. Breast cancer, however, is a specific danger to lesbians who have never given birth. It's not a nebulous thing at all. It's quite tangible. Please don't discount it.

Kudos to you for your work with AIDS.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. honestly, i am not saying i am right

but literally till right now, i had not thought of it as a community cause. now, i see what you are saying. you make a really good point, and i will be more thoughtful about including breast cancer in my list of causes i do things about

[Marrah_G]

7. I think that we need people that support both causes

Gay men have mothers, sisters and daughters, I think that they probably do care as much about breast cancer but perhaps are less vocal due to the fact that unlike AIDS, breast cancer research has the support of many more in the straight community. Perhaps just talking to them about it more, can stem any misconceptions and also encourage our brothers to be more vocal.

My heart goes out to you and your partner. I cannot imagine how hard it must be.

[Jamastiene]

11. Actually, breast cancer is not just something that affects women.

Men can get breast cancer too. I think both AIDS and breast cancer deserve attention from all of us. Most of the gay men I have known have supported raising awareness about breast cancer.

I'm sad to hear your partner has cancer. I hope your partner pulls through and can beat the cancer.

[jumptheshadow]

14. Men and breast cancer

Indeed, men do get breast cancer -- and, in addition to the stress of cancer, they also must deal with being a minority within that category of cancer.

One of my friends, who has beaten back lymphoma for many years, was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. He was very uncomfortable with the receptionist calling out "Miss XXXXX," not once, but twice. Pink is not a color in his wardrobe, and he disliked having to wear a pink gown. He is now starting to see his experience in a humorous light, which is a good sign. As you all probably know, cancer waiting rooms are terrible places to be, and he felt pretty unsupported in the hyper-feminine environment.

[FreeState]

12. I am a gay man who fights breast cancer for all women & men

Gay, straight, bi, asexual, female, male, you name it all are effected by this terrible decease. I also am a strong supporter of Susan G. Komen's local organization - it has funded minority women to the tune of $1.2 million this year (most people don't realize this but asks your local chapter what activities generate revenue that stays in your community rather than going to corporate, then support the local fundraisers only).

[Behind the Aegis]

13. I have worked with breast cancer organizations.

When I served as a president of the student GLBT group at my college, then advisor (then advisor at two more universities), I always brought in speakers to discuss women's health issues, especially breast cancer. I also worked with community groups, and the university health services to make sure our needs were being met and discussed. I was always very lucky to work with health administrators who were well educated or willing to be educated.

Your observations about gay men not embracing breast cancer, as lesbians did AIDS, is not far off, sadly. Though I am sure many here do, as do some in the activist communities, overall, I have also seen the same issues.

I am very sorry to hear about your partner. I wish you both well. And, I will say I hope you also get the help you need. Being a caregiver is extremely stressful and draining.

Best wishes!!!

[jumptheshadow]

15. Thanks for all of your good wishes

Thank you for your good thoughts. They mean a lot, even though I have never met 99 percent of you.

We are doing as well as possible. She is in the middle of very invasive chemo but we are taking everything minute-by-minute. We have good days and bad days. There are times when she drifts away from me but, when she returns, our relationship is stronger than ever.

I'm not seeking pity and have posted about this mainly in the cancer support area (with one or two side posts to write about the very beneficial effects of medical marijuana). I thought about this topic mainly because I've had two recent experiences where men who are very committed to AIDS causes were dismissive about women's cancer events. I know there are members of our community who are open-hearted and will work hard on any issues that we collectively encounter, no matter what gender they are. In reaching out to those people in this group, perhaps it will help find a way to strengthen our little community.