Women's Rights & Issues
Related: About this forumI had my (semi) annual eye exam today.
I'm 68 years old. Eyesight is giving me problems, worse lately, so I dragged myself down for the tests. Looks like I've got surgery coming up within a year, but I'll deal with that if and when it presents itself. However, I had a very enlightening chat with the young female aide who updated my info and gave me the prelim exams. She looked like she was in her early 20s, Hispanic, and was very friendly. My blood pressure was high, and I told her I'd never had problems with BP prior to 2016. Now, I've been on BP medication ever since. She answered that she hates Trump, too, and has found herself fighting BP since he was elected. She then said, "but President Biden is so old... for that matter, Trump is, too. They're all old! That can't be good for us." At which time, this grandma began enlightening her a bit against ageism, and reminded her what we, as women, had attained in our lifetimes... and how quickly it's all being stripped from us.
I told her there's no denying Biden is old... but "old" doesn't mean "bad" or "unable." I gave her a quick run through on his political experience that encompassed decades, and especially highlighted his foreign policy experience. She said she didn't realize all that, and appreciates the emphasis on foreign policy, especially since she's Hispanic. I told her tripping over a word, or losing a train of thought, is something that happens to all of us. It happens to us elders more often, perhaps, but we've had a lifetime of experience and learning that exists in our brain, and sometimes it can take an extra effort to pick the correct word that's most appropriate for the situation. It doesn't make us "less than"... in fact, I think it makes us "more than"... because we've got the experiences, both good and bad, that makes for a well-rounded, intelligent human being who can sit down and logically discuss policy, life, and consequences of both.
I also told her I was 68. And I told her when I turned 18, I had just won the right to have a credit card in my own name, or to buy a house without having a husband or male co-signer. I told her that still, into the 1980's, women were being told they couldn't do "this job" or have "that career" because it *might* have unknown consequences for any child she would have -- whether or not the particular woman ever intended to be pregnant.
Told her as I turned the corner into adulthood, I joined the Air Force. So, I was able to represent and fight for my country, but it took until 1974 before I finally had the right to buy my own car without having a man cosign and register it, then *allow* me to drive it. I told her I marched for women's rights when I was in my teens; no way did I ever dream I'd have to be doing the same thing within my own lifetime!
In 50 years, we had lost the hard-fought right to an abortion and women's reproductive healthcare of all types. since emphasis on women's healthcare in general had only happened since the 1980's and 1990's, did she know that up until that time, all testing was done on men? All results were reported on men... all drug tests, all body part tests, etc. Women were not considered important enough to be the subject of tests that impacted their health. And yet, it's now proven that women's bodies react differently than men to certain drugs... even pain killers.
Yet within 50 years we lost our bodily autonomy; our sheer humanity. How long did she think it'd take, if T gets re-elected, for us to lose the rest of our rights - our financial rights, our ability to work in a desired career, to do anything that "might" impact our non-existent childrearing desires? In her own job, the machines she works with could well be judged as harmful to a growing fetus, which means she wouldn't be able to hold that job if the trajectory stays the same.
I didn't want to "scare" this young woman... she was really sweet and intelligent and interested. She asked questions and I answered within my experience. By the time I left, she took my hand and thanked me for giving her this much information. She said she'd never had anyone explain it in such simple, real-life terms as I did, and while she had always intended to vote for Biden, she said she'd now be passing on this information to other woman friends in her group; because she doubted they knew this, either. She said instead of just voting, or just voting on issues based on her Hispanic background, her gender will be more to the front of things in her mind, and she planned to encourage and actually fight for Biden and Harris, instead of just dutifully going to the polls and voting. She called it the "least she could do."
And then this young woman did something that had never happened to me before. She *thanked* me for fighting for our rights back when I was 18, (not thanking me for my service, words that have now become bland and automatic too often) and allowing her to have the life she now lived. Blew me away. I told her she gave me hope for the future, and to hang in there. Together, we WILL make it a better one.
Strange things can happen at eye exams, it seems! (gryn)
Note: edited to clean up some typos.
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3catwoman3
(24,936 posts)Thank you for telling us about it.
NJCher
(37,094 posts)Last edited Fri Jul 12, 2024, 03:23 PM - Edit history (1)
I was the youngest chapter president ever for the National Organization for Women and worked for over a decade in women's rights. I've never even thought to tell young women the story of Roe, for example.
The women professors at my undergrad university encouraged me to run for the office. I will never forget the morning when I woke up to hear about the Roe decision. My professor advisers called me at 6 am to have a meeting on what we were going to say to the local press.
Thanks for the inspiration, slightly. I am going to see how I can work this into some conversations. What is particularly inspiring about your story is that she's telling others in her group about it.
Thanks for sharing the story.
Deuxcents
(18,308 posts)I especially liked that you explained to her that in our lifetime, we could not get a credit card, purchase a car, own a home without having permission from a husband. I was not married when I bought my first home in the 70s and this young lady would not believe what I had to go thru to get it. She, like the rest of us women, most likely took our rights for granted until they were taken away and your explanation of what the future holds for her if she and her friends dont vote to preserve them. Im 9 years older than you and Ive read n re read your post with memories n a very grateful heart for your encounter today and how you won her trust and I want to thank you, too. We fought the good fight and after today, well have a few more because we paid it forward for them. Your post touched me. Thank you. 🙏
sheshe2
(85,867 posts)Thank you and very well done.
slightlv
(3,561 posts)it bowled me over when she thanked me for fighting for our rights as women back in the "old days." As a veteran, I've gotten used to people saying "thank you for your service" and anymore, it just sounds like mouthing words. Maybe it's just the cynic in me. But this young woman was so sincere, and it was (to me, at least) even so much more important. I'll not soon forget the encounter, and to think it all started with my BP being high! (LOL) It just shows you can start to have an impact on someone with the least little encounter!
I agree with whomever said many of these young women haven't really sat down and thought what it was like for their mothers and grandmothers, and what it could mean for them going forward if T gets back into office. She was sufficiently blown away by not being able to have a credit card... and jobs not being available to women because of possible fetus-interruptus... that it did have an impact on her. From here, it will travel to her group. Hopefully from there, it will travel to groups her friends are involved with that go beyond her. THIS is how you build a movement. And it taught me to keep my eyes and ears open for the least kind of opening. OUR TRUTH means something to these young women. All of us minorities need to promote our rights, but more than that, we need to stick together and stick up for each other. And we need to be willing to pick up the banner for the other, while they pick up our banner. That's the way we knock these cruel, evil people off their thrones! (IMNSHO)
Lifeafter70
(309 posts)I work in retail (grocery store) and the majority of my fellow workers are young women. They were shocked to learn that so many things that are a given for them did not exist for me when I was there age. I'm 72 so I experienced all the same things you did. Even in the 1980's I experienced discrimination because of my sex. After my divorce in 1982 my car insurance was cancelled and I was forced to go to the state fund for insurance at higher premiums. My driving record was clean no accidents or tickets. When I asked my agent why, he actually said because of my divorce (not my driving record) I was now a high risk. He actually stated stastics show newly divorced women were more emotional and therefore a higher risk.
slightlv
(3,561 posts)if you were military police and female, the only way you could move out of the field and attempt to move into another was to be declared "hysterical." They wouldn't let you have a weapon if you were declared hysterical, of course... and that only applied to women.
The things we had to go through to just make a life for ourselves, eh? It's a wonder we ever made it out alive!
I've got a degree in psychology, and the one thing I learned real well is that they can make statistics say anything they want them to say! Most women are a heck of a lot calmer, more sure, and more in touch with everything around them once they get rid of that chain that's dragging them backwards.
My ex-husband greeted me at our divorce proceedings with "Now you'll never get that college degree!" My answer was the t-shirt I was wearing... it had the profiles of two heads, one male, one female. The wording said: Behind every great woman is a man who tried to stop her.
I got my degree... with my daughter by my side at most classes (I couldn't afford a babysitter. Child support was $150/mo; her school was $185/month. But I got my degree, nonetheless... and then made a career out with technology and computers! (LOL) The psych came in handy, tho, in calming down all those male CEOs when their computers went haywire. No matter what position I held in a company, people would ask for me personally for help desk stuff. I never made them feel stupid over their mistakes... but it was really hard when I had one guy screaming he couldn't see his curriculum stuff. I told him it was at the bottom of the page... then I had to explain to him what "scrolling" was, and how to scroll!!!
Lifeafter70
(309 posts)I hear you. I was more relaxed after my divorce than anytime of the 12 years of wedded bliss.
slightlv
(3,561 posts)But I felt on a time crunch because I'd just discovered VA benefits for college. My ex was adamantly against me getting a degree. I lasted 5 years in my marriage. It was nearly 2x that long b4 I met someone I'd consider marrying. Didn't hurt his sister was my best friend and id known his mother for almost 8 years. We celebrate our 39th anniversary this Sept... he loves my mind and courage. He challenges me in good ways.
Lifeafter70
(309 posts)I wanted to go back to school after my divorce but life dictated a different path. My youngest was diagnosed with Dermatomyositis and spent his teen years in and out of CHLA. A job with health insurance became a priority. In 2016 my middle boy was diagnosed with Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. Those are the reasons I still work. Life gave me a different path but I'm grateful that I was able to help them both. Working gives me the financial freedom that many others do not have. Biden understands that jobs like mine with a decent wage, health insurance and retirement are disappearing and his agenda will protect them. Too many think the reason they want him to step down is his age, but it's not. It's his agenda. The debate unfortunately gave the big money donors the excuse they needed. Even what we think of as "responsible corporations" have an agenda and it is not what Biden is and has done. They only want to give the working class just enough to keep up complacent.
slightlv
(3,561 posts)One could easily see Big Money behind all this propaganda being screamed thru the media. I had no plans to retire when I did... but my disability took me out of my (much wanted, much needed, and much appreciated) job with the DoD. At least, my students appreciated the work I did for them. Whether there at the office, or sitting in my home office, everything I did was on WiFi. But they wouldn't okay a 2-3 day remote work schedule (remote being 4 blocks from Post). I had proven them wrong with what could be accomplished via remote work... and it was a lot more than could be accomplished in the course of a day at the office. But we had a near-retirement age man who swore you weren't working unless he could see your butt in a seat. (grrr) I did offer to keep my camera pointed at my butt in the seat, but they didn't see the humor (or the logic) in what I was proposing. So, I retired at 62 and am paying for it with smaller SS checks even if it is for a longer amount of time. Still, I miss the guys overseas I used to work with. And, other than hubby, grandson, and cats... I sometimes feel like I'm useless. I know it comes from working since my early teens; I'm type A and have always built my world around my work. I've added my grandson to the zoo around here, since he's got bad issues with his mom (even tho he's an adult at 29) and should be on his own. I'm helping guide him through what his Mom should have done 10 years ago. (sigh) But, she is my daughter so I keep my mouth shut as much as possible and only make suggestions when I feel it necessary. The rest of it, he's learning by example between me and my hubby. And he is a blessing to me here, to be honest. I'm so sorry about your kids... I went through sheer hell with my daughter both physically and then mentally for decades. I don't think her mental age has caught up yet to her chronological age, tho the pediatrician early on said it would. Life gives us hard paths, I think, because if you look close enough, you see the kind of person it's helping you become. That's why, I think, poor people will share everything they have, no matter how meager. Hardship hones the heart towards compassion and strength in that compassion. All strength to you, Lifeafter70!
Lifeafter70
(309 posts)What you did at your doc appointment will have a ripple affect. Keep it up.
slightlv
(3,561 posts)I'm sitting here in tears after reading that list of donors bribing our reps and the reps taking the money to betray Biden. Your words fell on eyes that needed to see them right now.
littlemissmartypants
(23,644 posts)![](/emoticons/hug.gif)