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(5,125 posts)
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 02:22 PM Feb 2023

What do you call it when you MELT DOWN from a MAGA tirade aimed at you?

I am trying to figure out what to call it when I completely melted down when my Grandson started doing the MAGA roll on me and I had to come inside, was out shoveling driveway with him due to this mega storm hitting Minnesota.

IT FELT LIKE PTSD, but I don't know why. I was chaotic emotionally, felt like I had to defend myself or leave. I had my BFF on the bluetooth headset and neither of us was sure HOW it all unraveled because she could only hear my side of the conversation.

I'd offered Grandson $20 to help me shovel the driveway in back of our house. He and I had a quick spat ALTHOUGH when I went to ask for his help, all was good. I caught him being "good" and productively shoveling the FRONT walk without being asked by me. Offered him cash money and then went to put on layers.

THEN I got on the PC to log off and there was water dripping down on my hands. I went back up stairs and the Grandson was on the game console directly above me with a puddle mark at his feet. He'd left his boots on and the snow melted through the floor and sub-floor which his father, my son, told me is not doing well. SO I pointed this out to him as an issue and asked him to put his boots in front porch in future and he tried to tell me it could have been leaky pipes.

I said, "NO, there aren't any pipes above the computer desk downstairs and I can see this puddle mark exactly above ..."

He interrupts me and blusters that there are pipes "EVERYWHERE" downstairs.

"Dude, I live down there and the ceiling is open. I can SEE the pipes." Guess I started raising my voice because I hate it when they try to gaslight me.

"QUIT YELLING AT ME. I'm not talking to you anymore" Grandson said.

I go super quiet, "You can come down and look. There are NO PIPES. Just PLEASE put your boots in front porch in the future. That's all I'm asking." No answer.

"FINE. You want to play the victim. I can make that happen." I head down with the option to just turn off the internet so he can't use that as a reason to ignore talking to me. My Hubby was even on board with it, but I decided to be calm and mature and just go out and shovel. I said this all loudly from downstairs so he knew he dodged a consequence.

On the phone with my BFF via bluetooth speaker I am telling her about how that went and how I'm on my own. Grandson shows up from the driveway side and starts helping, BUT he is on a RANT that it's awful how his Dad and I can't talk and that I should just LEAVE whenever things get bad and that I OFTEN START the political fights.

I DO NOT. I go upstairs with the EXPRESS intent of NON-Political conversation. AND with the hope of getting out of the room without being dragged into one because I am trying to build a relationship with my son that can withstand such a conversation.

I tell Grandson this and he insists that I DO START IT SOMETIMES.

"WHEN? Give me one example."

"Gas prices." He says.

"WHEN" I insist.

"I don't know. Then he goes on and on about Blue Laser Project and telling me what I need to do with his Dad."

I try to play by his rules and we make one or two agreements. He's going to put his boots on the linoleum in the front porch so we don't get leakage downstairs. I accept his apology that he didn't think he owed me.

BUT the fact that he's CLUELESS about what Jim Crow Laws are and thinks Biden voted FOR THEM blew up my brain and I just had to leave.

I've been feeling suicidal off and on because of the way my Son and Grandkids only remember that I am here when they want something from me and once they get what they want, decide it's their job to save me from myself and tell me the legitimate KNEWS from TicTOk.

It FEELS LIKE PTSD, but IS there a better name for it?

30 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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What do you call it when you MELT DOWN from a MAGA tirade aimed at you? (Original Post) TigressDem Feb 2023 OP
I would absolutely cut off contact, just for a little while until you can get your Scrivener7 Feb 2023 #1
Hard to do. They live in my house. TigressDem Feb 2023 #4
Wow, that's tough. I still don't like that you are thinking that way, though. Scrivener7 Feb 2023 #10
UPDATE: The Rock visualization WORKED. TigressDem Apr 2023 #18
I am so glad to hear that things are going better for you and that you got an answer that Scrivener7 Apr 2023 #27
Thank you. TigressDem Apr 2023 #28
I have no advice for you yet thinking of you sending hugs Duncanpup Feb 2023 #2
Thanks TigressDem Feb 2023 #5
magatism randr Feb 2023 #3
Kind of like stepping in it... TigressDem Feb 2023 #7
Sending you love and my only suggestion is to do what is best for you and your hubby. MLAA Feb 2023 #6
Thanks. Good idea. TigressDem Feb 2023 #8
Whew! An end to the madness is in sight! MLAA Feb 2023 #9
My Dad had a joke long ago. TigressDem Feb 2023 #13
MY SON MOVED OUT this past weekend. TigressDem Apr 2023 #19
YEAH! You have reclaimed your home! MLAA Apr 2023 #20
Still working on it and Son is in and out getting more of their stuff. TigressDem Apr 2023 #22
he is in for a rude surprise if he thinks rent is cheap down here yellowdogintexas Feb 2023 #11
He will probably wind up in some area they stash Mexicans, get a tan and get pulled over a lot. TigressDem Feb 2023 #15
Wow vercetti2021 Feb 2023 #12
SO I found a source of misleading "fact checking" that Grandson probably would read. TigressDem Feb 2023 #14
You did great research. But just a head's up, it is very difficult to get those who have been emulatorloo Mar 2023 #17
Riight? TigressDem Apr 2023 #23
That is a great plan! emulatorloo Apr 2023 #24
Both Son and Grandson are ADHD so I never have more than 2 sentences before they drift away. TigressDem Apr 2023 #26
You are a saint. OldBaldy1701E Feb 2023 #16
I DID put my foot down about discussing politics. TigressDem Apr 2023 #21
Oh second item.... TigressDem Apr 2023 #25
'The bigger they are...' heh. (n/t) OldBaldy1701E Apr 2023 #29
Yeah... GMa has warned them, don't mess with me. I will break you. TigressDem Apr 2023 #30


(50,929 posts)
1. I would absolutely cut off contact, just for a little while until you can get your
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 02:28 PM
Feb 2023

equilibrium back. I'm worried that you say you've been feeling suicidal, though relatives like that can make you feel helpless. But please go get some help for those feelings and avoid the people who are making you feel that way.

I begin to thing there needs to be something like Al-Anon to teach us how to maintain our sanity in the face of relatives who are politically addicted and insane.

But you need to take care of yourself now. Whether they need you or not, I hope you stay away from them until you are feeling stronger about things. No one is allowed to make you feel that way. When someone does, you are allowed to put distance between you and them, no matter how close the relationship is.


(5,125 posts)
4. Hard to do. They live in my house.
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 03:23 PM
Feb 2023

BUT I was on the phone with my BFF and getting her support AND my Hubby's in that moment. With their help, I was able to move on and take care of myself. The Son and Grandson don't invade my personal living space, but if I go upstairs to try and be social, I can wind up with their BS in my face.

The funny thing about ME and Suicide is I have a talent at PROCRASTINATION that is ONLY a REAL talent in regards to suicide.

Everywhere else in my life it trips me up.

BUT I put it off long enough to out myself for my thinking and once it's in the open, I take a breath and it loses it's power.

FOR ME, suicide is ONLY more powerful than me when I'm facing it alone.

What bothered ME about this time is that I went into "reaction mode" and could not find my way through the gaslighting into any self care stance that let it wash over me.

Their opinion of me and my thoughts is none of my business. If he'd called me a slut or whore, I could have looked at him in a way that would make his skin crawl and make him step back instinctively. "Really? What you think about me says a lot more about YOU than me, don't you see?"

BUT because we live in this world where politics is based on different realities, I am FLOUNDERING.



Someone else's perception of me is THEIR reality.

Someone else's political opinion is based on THEIR reality.

IF I CAN ANCHOR THAT THOUGHT, I can let their insanity flow around me. BE the rock in the middle of white water looking at them like, yeah, you are tough shit in the spring, but I'll be here for eons.



(50,929 posts)
10. Wow, that's tough. I still don't like that you are thinking that way, though.
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 04:15 PM
Feb 2023

Maybe sit down now and decide the best way to get out of that situation WHEN (not IF) it happens again, and then find a professional who can give you coping skills for the time you have left to live with them before they move out.

I'm glad your BFF and hubby were able to support you.

And yes. You're the rock. I love that analogy.


(5,125 posts)
18. UPDATE: The Rock visualization WORKED.
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 12:38 PM
Apr 2023

I was able to get myself "out of" the whole PTSD reaction and that was my goal.

Somehow, reaching out, being honest and getting feedback helped me access a TRUE answer that worked.

I've also used, "Other people's opinion of me is none of my business."

BUT even today I realized that the place I am most comfortable is where TRUTH is honored and people are encouraged to be who they are and believe what they want. (Kinda like DU. OK exactly like DU.)

AND where I'm MOST UNCOMFORTABLE is where LIES flourish and TRUTH is extinguished.

Walking in this world and dealing with ANY MAGA is difficult. I try to see the good in everyone, but when ANTI-Truth spews from their mouth and coats them in denial, it's hard to find the good underneath all that.

WITH MY SON, I've worked on that relationship (OUTSIDE of politics and not participating in it with him at all) so we are getting somewhat closer.


MY SON has found a NEW PLACE TO LIVE!!!!

AND the transition is going well.

I'm even thinking about writing up some simple examples that will challenge him to fact check, down to the source.

IF I can get him to see that HE IS BEING LIED TO BY MAGA World, he will turn away.

HE believes that THEY ARE TELLING the Truth and that I am being lied to.

Down deep he has honor. It's just being used and misdirected.


(50,929 posts)
27. I am so glad to hear that things are going better for you and that you got an answer that
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 02:23 PM
Apr 2023

worked for you.

And that he has another place so you will be able to get a break from it all.

Thank you so much for the update. Keep us posted on how it's going.


(5,125 posts)
7. Kind of like stepping in it...
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 03:31 PM
Feb 2023

Tracking it with me until I find some way to clean it off.

Or getting too close to polar north and compass goes whacky.


(17,257 posts)
6. Sending you love and my only suggestion is to do what is best for you and your hubby.
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 03:28 PM
Feb 2023

Is your son living with you because you and hubby need his help?


(5,125 posts)
8. Thanks. Good idea.
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 03:40 PM
Feb 2023

Uh no.

Any help they "could be" doesn't happen on any regular basis.

Although my son DID rebuild my deck last summer and has painted the kitchen and living room.

He will repair the wear and tear his family has put on my house before he moves.

He's finally managed to repay his back child support which was so outrageous that it put them in financial binds every time he got a decent paying job.

He's got income taxes due that will help him getting into a new place so I will have my house back soon.

They are talking about moving to Texas, where everything is better for MAGAs all day long and rent is cheap.

Guess that's part of why I've been drinking more.

I hope the relationship can be positive enough that I can still converse with them occassionally but I suspect once they move, I won't hear from them again unless they get in trouble again.


(17,257 posts)
9. Whew! An end to the madness is in sight!
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 03:59 PM
Feb 2023

Anonymously Sign them up to get real estate listings from Texas! Haha.

So glad the end is in sight. I’d be tempted to change my phone number and email after they moved! I’m not a parent, so this idea might be too harsh😬


(5,125 posts)
13. My Dad had a joke long ago.
Sun Feb 26, 2023, 10:37 AM
Feb 2023

Your Mother and I are going to move when you kids are all grown, and leave no forwarding address.

We'll be in a teepee somewhere and when it gets dirty, pick it up and move someplace new.

They didn't, but that was the humor I grew up with.

I did move out but my Sister is younger and wound up taking care of them due to ill health. We were in our 20's when they died.


(5,125 posts)
19. MY SON MOVED OUT this past weekend.
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 12:48 PM
Apr 2023

AND it was his birthday on Sunday.

So, we live in Minnesota.
6 inches of snow on Friday night into Saturday morning.
A friend of his got him a deal on a truck rental and he managed to move anyway.
Still have a bunch of stuff to move and cleaning, but they have their own space after 10 years.
And I am working on reclaiming MY space, slowly because I work full time.
I did take a sick day, though I am a contractor so I won't be paid for it.

Going to try and get my bed up to my old bedroom. It's not easy to move, but it's on a Hollywood frame, so the mattress is the hard part and it's squishable.

Then I have to move my 22 year old cat and her support supplies up as well.

Tonight I sleep in warmth.

AND did some work with my relationship with Son and Grandson by ONLY staying focused on everything OUTSIDE of politics with them.

Life is better.


(17,257 posts)
20. YEAH! You have reclaimed your home!
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 12:55 PM
Apr 2023

That is the best news! Just in time to turn up the tv and enjoy the indictment without any backlash from the peanut gallery! Hurray and congrats and doing it without doing them any grave bodily harm (wink wink)

Meant to add: Husband born in small town in Minnesota and lived there many years. At 50 he escaped to a warmer, sunny clime and we met. Now married 35 years 🙂


(5,125 posts)
22. Still working on it and Son is in and out getting more of their stuff.
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 01:04 PM
Apr 2023

The happiest part is that Sunday, Son put his foot down and said, "I'm pulling the Birthday Card. I want you guys to come see my house today." AND he is clear he wants US in his life.

We did. Son made dinner, but I brought appetizers (carrots, crackers, cheese and nuts) because hubby and I usually eat by 6pm and both of us were getting a titch dizzy.

AND after everyone had their food in hand, I brought out the ice cream cake, sang Happy Birthday and left. I had also bought a second type of ice cream that was portable and we took that as out desert.


(22,235 posts)
11. he is in for a rude surprise if he thinks rent is cheap down here
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 06:43 PM
Feb 2023

Maybe out in the more rural areas but in the urban areas rent is outrageous.

Keep the faith !!!


(5,125 posts)
15. He will probably wind up in some area they stash Mexicans, get a tan and get pulled over a lot.
Sun Feb 26, 2023, 12:55 PM
Feb 2023

My son has Dark Irish, Dark Dutch and a 3X or 4X Great Grandma that is Mexican*. (Found that* out through Ancestry search by my Half Sister)

So he has dark hair, but blue/green hazel eyes and he gets a GREAT tan. He's also in construction, so even Mexicans have mistaken him for one of their own and started speaking Spanish to him on job sites.

My Mother had the darkest brown hair with auburn highlights you could only see in direct sun or brightly lit room, otherwise it looked like black hair. She said people of all ethnic types would welcome her and offer to claim her as their own. She felt very blessed by their kindness.


(10,156 posts)
12. Wow
Sat Feb 25, 2023, 08:53 PM
Feb 2023

Shit I'm so sorry. But I know this is your grandson but he sounds like a little entitled shit head. He needs a hard dose of reality and not what goofy social media is telling him.


(5,125 posts)
14. SO I found a source of misleading "fact checking" that Grandson probably would read.
Sun Feb 26, 2023, 12:43 PM
Feb 2023

My Grandson claims his school is teaching him about Jim Crow laws and segregation and that Joe Biden voted for Jim Crow Laws - ie segregation.

Well, I am pretty sure I know where the confusion is, but I need to verify certain things with the school.

A) Are they teaching the students that ANY law that maintains segregation is "essentially" a Jim Crow Law?
B) Are they teaching about BOTH Jim Crow Laws as they existed in the South before the Voting Rights Act
C) Laws in general that maintain segregation in more recent history?
Delaware has been put in the "South" and "North" in various scenarios relating to segregation. Kid COULD have a point.

I know the ACLU had issues with Biden being against "bussing" but Biden was more against it because it put the weight of desegregation on the children and he had kids in school at the time.

He thought that actual low income housing reform would be a better answer but he was in his late 20's and with more reading, I see that he had his own hubris. But the Biden of today has learned from mistakes and pushes a more robust civil rights agenda.

Biden called Georgia's voting restriction law out as a Jim Eagle Law - as in bigger than Jim Crow and as voting rights go, IT IS.
Because it makes those being re-elected in charge of the election process from begininng to end.

The Daily Signal panders to the conservative base saying it does NOT do the things that Biden said it does to restrict voting.

Daily Signal also equates getting certain funding OUT of local election administration is preventing fraud.
This change DOES NOT target Citizen's United Super Pacs that actually DO try to buy elections with fraudulant ads, only the type of funding local governments needed/reached out to use in helping adjust to increased demands during the pandemic.


I need to make a diagrahm that shows how the OLD Georgia Laws PROTECTED Seperation of POWERS a KEY to maintaining THE POWER OF THE PEOPLE over elected officials. And how the NEW Georgia Law concentrates the power to decide elections in those BEING ELECTED, not the previous moderators - who although possibly partisan, still held accuontable to do their job.


Analysis of SB 202 - NYT

SO NYT goes line by line with the changes and shows what it was before and what was removed.

I need to show my Grandson that there is a HUGE difference with INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM that digs deep and tells the truth and "fact checking that cherry picks partial truths" and denies allegations that are true if you read the entire bill, study or statement.


(44,080 posts)
17. You did great research. But just a head's up, it is very difficult to get those who have been
Tue Mar 21, 2023, 01:16 PM
Mar 2023

brainwashed by maga to accept actual facts. I just don't want you to feel bad if you can't get through to him.


(5,125 posts)
23. Riight?
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 01:17 PM
Apr 2023

So I am planning to work up "post it note" speeches that are less than 2 minutes long and support material/visual aids that are 1 page front/back with a timeline or graph on back and simple bullet points with links listed.

Because much of what allows MAGA to pull their stupid tricks is that average person doesn't understand how strongly constructed our laws WERE to withstand the siege, some historical education is needed.

I want to challenge them to learn to DIG DEEPER and find the Actual Facts, Actual Source Documents like we do here.

I haven't told him about DU.

This is one of my safe places.

I might have to create a "new account" if he changes perspective and wants to learn more.

Tell him I remember where I went in the Bush Jr years.... but say my account expired or got lost when they had that weird data loss.
I did lose my back posts when I came back awhile ago, but I picked my same screen name. So it isn't a total lie.


(5,125 posts)
26. Both Son and Grandson are ADHD so I never have more than 2 sentences before they drift away.
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 01:24 PM
Apr 2023

I typically limit whatever I am going to say to them to the shortest, most concise version I can on other items too.

IF conversation flows naturally back and forth, things loosen up and get more in depth, but it's the start of it that determines that.


(5,102 posts)
16. You are a saint.
Mon Feb 27, 2023, 09:30 AM
Feb 2023

I think I would have already dragged little grandson down the 'office' and remind him that this house is yours and that he can live on the freaking street if he cannot be civil. Same with his father. I would also remind them that you know your house and he does not, therefore he needs to either learn about the house, or STFU. I have no issue with any debate, but when it is someone who has no idea what he/she is talking about start and they start obfuscating and re-directing... well, all Emily Post goes out of the window. I guess my position comes from my own parents basically waving goodbye as they tossed me out within 17 days of me hitting my 18th birthday. (Of course, at the time none of us knew what was wrong with me in regards to this type of thing. My Adjustment Anxiety Disorder is almost fatal when it comes to moving or relocating, and it definitely went into overdrive at that time. But, the fact that this was completely ignored as well as being laid on me as if I was doing it on purpose.) So, maybe I am not the best person to advise on this matter. But, I would have no issue seeing it as a form of PTSD.

As Chief O'Brien once so eloquently said: "You choose your friends, and you choose your enemies. But family? That's in the stars!"


(5,125 posts)
21. I DID put my foot down about discussing politics.
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 12:58 PM
Apr 2023

THEN I simply treated them as the people they are instead of the views they hold.... not easy.

AND they did get moved out this weekend, so I am getting my house back.

I'm thinking I may simply have to write things up and start small.

I've been using post it notes to "boiler plate" the ideas to a concise bullet point presentation that I can say in 2 min or less.

I'm lucky if I get that much air time usually.

THEN I am going to write up and print, TRUTH papers showing how I KNOW some things he's told me are FAKED because I dig past opinion and search out facts from sources and source material.

1 page to start. Maybe a diagram on the back because timelines matter.

AND that is HOW History Class will get into session.

FUNNY older people tend to vote DEM, especially now.

BECAUSE the party that wants to break with the mistakes of the past is the Democratic Party.

AND old people have a low tolerance for BS, which the MAGA party rolls in like a pig in mud.


(5,125 posts)
25. Oh second item....
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 01:21 PM
Apr 2023

My "little" grandson is over 6 feet tall and loves boxing. I still give him shit when I need to, but that day at that moment I got knocked off balance mentally and emotionally.

AND sorry about how horrible moving or relocation is for you. That has to suck.


(5,125 posts)
30. Yeah... GMa has warned them, don't mess with me. I will break you.
Tue Apr 4, 2023, 05:00 PM
Apr 2023

I fought to disable an attacker to give myself time to flee.

And it was one of those neighborhoods where 20 people jump you at one time.

Course, I am much older, but one on one I can still be as viscous as a honey badger.

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