I need to correct a statement I made the other day about Klonopin.

[BeHereNow]

I misunderstood my doctor- I stated that Klonopin was NOT in the benzo classification
of anti anxiety GAD medications.
I was wrong.
Klonopin IS in the benzo family.

My doctor switched me to it because my body had reached
a non therapeutic tolerance to Ativan. It stopped working basically.
I could no longer function and did not want to live in the constant
cycle caused by my panic disorder.

My doctor switched me to Klonopin and I am VERY happy with the results.
As with all benzos, the danger of addiction and abuse exists.

HOWEVER- what I have noticed, and what my doctor explained
was that unlike the other benzo medications, Klonopin is absorbed
slowly, and therefore longer acting in the controlling of GAD.

I just wanted to make sure I had not misinformed anyone seeking
help for controlling panic attacks.

I find that one pill in the morning lasts the majority of my day.
I have not had any side effects and not ONE panic attack
since I started on it, AS prescribed.

For those who find the shorter acting benzos unsatisfactory,
please do discuss the possibility of Klonopin with your doctor as something that may work
better for you.

We all deserve quality of life and I have learned to never stop
fighting for it for myself.

I am thinking clearly, sleeping well and able to function again.

Never give up.
Help is out there but sometimes it takes time to find the
solution.



BHN

[Denninmi]

1. I like your last three paragraphs.

I agree, NEVER stop fighting. I didn't ask for this bipolar crap, but I'll be damned if it's going to take me down. I sure wondered, as no doubt EVERYONE on this forum will confirm, but I never got to the point of giving up.

Honestly, that was the single hardest thing about my hospital and then support group experiences, seeing people who just gave up trying to have lives not mired in mental health issues. I know some people truly have neurobiological disease to the extent that they can only do so well no matter what.

But I discussed this a lot with my therapist. Her day job is at a private inpatient facility, and she says that a lot of patients quit trying to help themselves because they buy into the victim thing and get something out of it, attention, sympathy, whatever.

That really scared me, because of the thought "oh, God, what if that is me in two years?" And from the first day I met with my case manager, I told her I didn't have room in my life for ONE mental health crisis, and I sure as Hell am never going to have another one. So it was hard hearing people talk about multiple suicide attempts, hospitalizations, years of the drug-go-round, substance abuse, permanent disability, etc. Because that is not me. God knows I have problems, because of what I went through as a kid, but I am not so messed up that I am beyond functional. I'm extremely functional as long as I'm not scared out of my mind as I was this summer.

I wanted to edit to add this analogy I said to my therapist. If the psych ward was a passenger jet that crashed, most of the survivors were critical, severed limbs, severe burns, broken bones, massive head trauma, and I was walking around a little dazed with a sprained wrist and a one inch gash on my forehead. That's how I felt being there.

I also tried my hardest, even at my lowest, to be a cheerleader for this group. I thought it might help some of them and myself as well.

It won't be me in 2 years. Or 20. Or ever.

It's very sad, but to be perfectly frank, there is part of me that is a little disgusted with someone who won't try to fight and solve their problems, no matter it is a physical health issue, a mental health issue, relationship problems, financial problems, whatever.

Sorry, if I have to pick between being Mr. 7th suicide attempt or Mr. rides 50 miles and bench presses 200 lbs i am going to run as fast as I can away from the first choice like Satan himself is after me, and embrace the second choice with everything I have.

I did like this line from the film the other night: "This is what I believe to be true, you have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining."

Because I absolutely believe that to be true. Work at it, don't let it take you down.

[BeHereNow]

2. The combination of depression and anxiety is vicious and paralyzing for me.

It took me weeks to get to the doctor because frankly, I could not get out of bed,
take a shower or eat.
But I finally did and am so grateful that I found the determination to go and
tell him what was going on with me.

I feel SO much better now that I am taking Klonopin.
It has changed EVERYTHING!

I am up and around, and cooked a delicious, healthy meal last night.
I am enjoying my life again, DESPITE the constant worry I have for my bipolar
daughter. Ever since her diagnosis, life has been constant chaos dependent on
whether or not she is taking her meds.

Bipolar disorder wreaks havoc for those who love the person affected.

But I have come to realize that I have NO control other than doing what the
doctors have all told me: All I can do is make sure she HAS medication.
I can not make her take it.
It's just that all HELL breaks loose when she goes off of it.

I am always poised to "clean up the mess" and hopeful that it doesn't happen.

I love this forum and all the support and understanding we have for one another.

It helps so much to be able to talk with others who are walking one part of the path
or another.


BHN

[Denninmi]

3. I don't get the noncompliance thing.

Why so many problems with psychotropic drugs? My therapist said it's because people feel better and think they no longer need it, plus a twist of the distrust of pharma and modern medicine.

I can see if it makes you feel bad, knocks you out, etc, but that would be the time to ask your doctor to change it, not go it alone.

I guess I am lucky so far with the lamictal. Seems to work well, 0 side effects of significance, and it's DIRT CHEAP at Costco, a big plus for me.

Anyway, I see it like my blood pressure meds, just something to take forever, no big deal.

[BeHereNow]

4. Your therapist is correct, PLUS

My daughter is 25 and all of her friends are medication experts, dont'cha know?

She acts normal when she is taking her meds, other than being a true artist, and all that implies.

But her friends decide to advise her that she is doing well and medications are BAD.

Of course that is what she wants to hear, because the allure of mania is like a drug
to many bipolar people.

They conveniently forget that the price of a manic episode is severe depression.

BHN

[Denninmi]

5. Well, for me, the price of borderline mania was

Grief, heartache, humiliation, family problems, about at least 10k in uncovered medical bills, loss of over a month's pay.

Yeah, I am literally in the middle of Costco right now, just picked up a month's worth of lamictal, $16.69.

Seems like a real bargain to me.