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Tue May 14, 2013, 11:01 PM

How do you make someone

Get help?

They're off their anti depression meds. They're sinking rapidly. They have a whole gd lot of stress... And reasons for any normal person to be "depressed". But clinical depression this deep?

He knew when he went on meds before that he was better. He could look back and see the hole. He could see there was light.

Now, nothing but despair and defeat.. I've tried appealing to intellect. But not making headway. He's halfway across the country so what few phone calls there are are morose and monosyllabic.

I'm getting very worried. What do I do?

13 replies, 2123 views

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Arrow 13 replies Author Time Post
Reply How do you make someone (Original post)
mzteris May 2013 OP
Neoma May 2013 #1
BainsBane May 2013 #2
mzteris May 2013 #3
BainsBane May 2013 #4
polly7 May 2013 #5
hunter May 2013 #6
Locut0s May 2013 #7
olddots May 2013 #8
Locut0s May 2013 #10
mzteris May 2013 #9
Locut0s May 2013 #11
mzteris May 2013 #12
olddots May 2013 #13

Response to mzteris (Original post)

Tue May 14, 2013, 11:13 PM

1. You can't help someone who cannot help themselves...

You can maybe give him a number to call. Where I live, they have "warm-lines," which is there for when you need someone to talk to but isn't so far gone to call the suicide hot-line. But then, he has to do this himself. See what I mean?

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Tue May 14, 2013, 11:21 PM

2. You can't

You can't force someone to seek treatment absent commitment if they are a danger to themselves or others. You can offer support and provide information, but they need to seek help themselves. Do you know what is impeding the person from seeking help? Is it stigma, finances, inertia?
Perhaps you can do some research into mental health services in his area and provide him with contact info?

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #2)

Tue May 14, 2013, 11:34 PM

3. I'm thinking

He's. too far down the rabbit hole. I tried to line him up with drs. No go. always an excuse.

Inertia. So much stress about the future. Lots of changes, friends moving on. He's... Stuck. Like I said, enough to make a normal person depressed. With clinical brain chemistry depression in play ... I'm afraid.

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Response to mzteris (Reply #3)

Tue May 14, 2013, 11:37 PM

4. Do you know someone in his area?

You can speak to about keeping an eye on him? Has he talked about suicide?

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Response to mzteris (Reply #3)

Wed May 15, 2013, 12:09 AM

5. Just an awful situation.

and, depression that bad is completely exhausting ... making appointments on his own may be more than he can handle even physically. Does he have family or anyone nearby that you can contact to approach him with help? Other than that or some sort of emergency medical intervention, I think you've probably done all that you can. So sad.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Wed May 15, 2013, 01:16 AM

6. I don't know what to say. I've been in the black hole often enough.

And the hell of it is I never know how far in I am when I'm there.

It takes someone close to me to drag me out, or something scary. Sometimes both.

The further into the dark I am the more I push people away because I also get paranoid.

My most recent (minor) misadventure I've described here. I was avoiding my doctor, and I'd cut back one of my meds because I didn't like the side effects. One day I was bored waiting at the pharmacy and sat down at their new health screening machine simply because because it was a computer. Computers are one of my obsessions. The machine told me my blood pressure was dangerously high, I had a heart arrhythmia, and I should call my doctor NOW! I was looking around fearfully, like maybe the machine had called 911 too...

My worst ever I was living in my broken car in a church parking lot because the police had been bothering me when it was parked in the street. I actually had a pretty cordial relationship with the police since I was one of the more amusing crazy people they had to deal with. An acquaintance of mine dragged me out of that hole, her words were something like, "C'mon Hunter, you need to eat." And that was very true. When I'm in my dark place eating seems like a lot of useless bother.

That relationship blossomed into the codependent romance from hell, but that's another story unrelated to my mental health issues.

For your own peace of mind, you can't make anybody do anything, and there is no "appealing to intellect" when something is seriously wrong with someone's mind.

At my worst I am a very stubborn creature, maybe as bad as my grandma who fought off the police and paramedics for several hours when they came to remove her from her home as a "danger to herself and others." They may not have believed a little old lady could be dangerous when they got there, but they certainly believed it once they had her strapped down and sedated.

If I'm lucky I only inherited a quarter of her crap, but she's not my only crazy ancestor.

Is there someone close to the guy who can check in on him? They might not be able to do anything to improve the situation, but it might relieve some of your own anxieties.


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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Wed May 15, 2013, 03:24 AM

7. You can't I'm afraid. I know, I'm someone who needs to listen...

I'm someone who needs to listen to similar advise but it all seems to fall on deaf ears. Or to put it another way I just don't seem to care about my life.

I know it must be hard, it is for my parents, but there is little than you can do. There is no way you can force someone to get help.

I'm assuming that the person in question here isn't suicidal. IF they are then you can call the hospital or other mental health services, but short of that you can only keep trying.

Sorry for the gloomy reply.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Wed May 15, 2013, 09:32 PM

8. i can only ad more gloomy advice

 

we get to a point where we want help so much that we won't accept it when offered .
Chances are he is depressed about being depressed which is hard to explain so maybe try getting him out of this space by not
talking about his depression with him and how to help him get out of it .I know this makes little sense as advice but he probably wants to talk about anything but his depression ,it makes him feel like a statistic and a diagnosis instead of a person.

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Response to olddots (Reply #8)

Thu May 16, 2013, 05:13 AM

10. Actually this is excellent advice...

One thing that has become a problem in our household is that all we talk about is my depression. It's become the only real topic that matters. This isn't only a one sided problem as both me AND those who want to help continually bring the issue up. But I've noticed that I feel the best when I'm able to go long periods without talking about it. This can be difficult because it's not going to seem like you are making any headway, he will still seem somewhat depressed, you just aren't talking about it. But trust me it feels better to change the subject. And hopefully from there some real healing may start.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Thu May 16, 2013, 12:16 AM

9. Thanks for the responses

Not knowing what to do makes it even harder.
There's no one there really. Maybe if it Gets really desperate. But you can only call on acquaintances so often. He hs been suicidł in the pst. Don't know if He is to that point yet, but it doesn't seem that far off,

Is there a wy to um whisk them away to somewhere. A decent facility or. Force fed meds. Something.... I feel desperate . Would a face to face help""? He's refusingto seeme. Won't even give me his new address.

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Response to mzteris (Reply #9)

Thu May 16, 2013, 05:21 AM

11. Do you know anyone else who knows him? Can you contact them?

It would help if you are not the only one, both for yourself and him. If you can contact someone who can get in contact with him personally that would be good. You shouldn't have to deal with this by yourself. If you don't know his address then there really is very little you can do. If you can't do any of the above I'd directly ask him if he is suicidal. If he says yes or makes it sound like yes then I would contact the emergency mental services in his area and give them his phone number. Even without an address maybe they can do something. If you can't get a hold of anyone that knows him and he says that he isn't suicidal then there's not much you can do. You've already done the best thing by letting him know you are worried. Keep checking in on him regularly and try not to let this effect you too much Remember that even in the WORST possible outcome you can't blame yourself for anything!! If he is truly a friend he wouldn't want that anyway.

Again sorry for the gloominess. Depression is gloomy all round.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sun May 19, 2013, 10:03 AM

12. update

got him an appt and he actually went to a doc for at least a "bridge script". (He finally decided the withdrawal symptoms were way too awful! . . . I tried to tell him.)

Anyway - they decided she wasn't the right therapist for him - but I think he really gets that he must have a therapist. Since she was leaving town for two weeks, she put him back on prozac - even though he doesn't like it that much and it doesn't work all that great - though better than nothing. She knew he would tolerate it and not have some kind of reaction while she was gone and him without a doc, so it's something.

He's going to look for a doc for real this time (I think) while she's gone. She's offered to provide some sessions when she gets back if he hasn't found anyone, and that she'll also try and help him find the right doc for him.

Hopefully he can hang on long enough to get the meds back in his system and start thinking more clearly. He's very muddled right now.

Thanks again for the responses.

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Response to mzteris (Original post)

Sun May 19, 2013, 08:36 PM

13. he may feel some abandonment issues about doctors & therapists

 

keep on him and try to help him find someone he feels cares for him and doesn't make him feel like a test subject .

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