Relevant for this group, I think, so

[elleng]

Last edited Sat Jul 20, 2013, 01:32 AM - Edit history (1)

just heard from 28 year old married daughter, who has for many years been 'mean' to her younger sister, controlling/manipulative, MEAN. Older has 'excluded' me from her life many times in past 'few' years, among other things 'un-friending' me, but other and worse examples abound.

Her father, my husband, passed on May 15, so just went through funeral tumult, w unnecessary but predictable disagreements. Both daughters devastated by unexpected loss of their father (he and I estranged, but got together recently to help younger daughter try to deal with misery her sister has caused her, and he wanted to speak with older about her behavior, but passed before he could do so.)

She's pregnant, 3+ months, called + asked if I'd received her messages, text I guess, recently. Told her I'd received 1 in particular, about having selected baby items from target+. Had told her that already. She asked whether her sister had received messages, I said don't know, haven't heard from sister for few days.

I ask how are they, she says, just learned 1 in 5 chance baby has Downs, I say OH SORRY, let me know please, she goes on with 'Don't tell sister,' I say, 'I object to that,' and hang up, as nasty attitude toward sister growing, and I have no tolerance for such so I avoid by hanging up (or leaving the room.) She goes on to tell me what a horrible mother I am.

I'm 'busy' dealing with estate issues, as well as looking forward to moving to this lovely place to be closer to younger (who lives abt 60 miles from me, in MD; older lives in NJ, near Philly.) http://smd.craigslist.org/apa/3907272842.html

Sad, again, about daughter's rudeness, and of course concerned about baby. Final results apparently available in about 1 week.

Anxiety returns.

Thanks for 'listening.'

[Denninmi]

1. All I can really offer are my thoughts and prayers.

I know this has been very hard on you. I hope the baby is ok. If it has DS, know that, despite limitations, people with DS are capable of so much more than was once thought. Maybe motherhood would change and soften your daughter, if she realizes there is something more important than me, me, me attitude.

[elleng]

2. Thank you, Den,

and I appreciate the suggestion; I like it a lot.

We have good friends with a son w DS; in fact, daughters grew up with him (and his brothers,) as we shared baby sitter with the family. Eli (their DS son) danced up a storm at daughter's wedding, and we've watched his progress over the years. They live in a county with excellent social services, and they've thoroughly taken advantage of them.

Too bad they're not close geographically, as daughter is near Philly in NJ, and the family is in MD suburb of DC.

[olddots]

3. I will always listen to you pm me if you want

I have 2 daughters with different but similar things going on ,they won't speak and the younger has accused the older one of abuse etc...

We live day to day not knowing if the younger daughter will make it thru the week as the older daughter is physically and mentally stable we are still very concerned about how this family used to be a family until 15 years ago and ever since it has been a bad movie.
Please at any time e-mail me thru this system and I will give you our phone # and email #s My wife and I know a couple with the same thing going on and it helps to get the stuff out .

[elleng]

4. Thank you, olddots;

will do so as time and events go on. PMs here are fine, and we can also share e-mail.

Last I heard from younger was 'Yay!' 15 hours after had texted her and her guy that I'd been
'approved' for the cottage and would sign lease Monday or Tuesday. Prior to that, she'd listed ways she/they would help me, moving stuff out of her father's apartment, providing me with things for my new cottage which is 40 miles closer to them than I am now, and helping throughout, so for 2 days been happy, without anxiety.

Hoping she's OK, as don't know what messages her sister had sent to her to which younger hadn't responded. Could very well be mean and selfish stuff, as hearing from her sister often drives younger into shell/depression/despair. She would much rather never hear from her sister.

Thanks

[fizzgig]

5. my best to you, elleng

[elleng]

6. Thanks, fizz.