Here is my breakdown...and I do mean BREAKDOWN

[angstlessk]

It took years..

I was supposed to be the boy of the family, and I disappointed by being born a girl..my first mistake

I wet the bed till I was sent to reform school at age 13, but long before that, my sister and cousins regaled in torturing me as a three or four year old...and as my mother said..."that's enough" ...as if all they had done before was just right.

I was raped when I was 11 years old...and told by my mother to wash that filth off of my body..I had no idea at that age what boys, much less what men were about..I was 11 and went to Catholic school...but I did love me some beer..I used to sit beside a chair my dad sat in, and as he put his beer down, I'd take a sip..I was about 3.

There is much, much more background...just like everyone here...I have been diagnosed with every sort of psychological disorder there is..

Why give a shit? I am who I am..I cannot change what brought me to this point...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. You've been through a lot.

And I don't think the points you've brought up are your fault at all.

You couldn't help being born a girl. That was not in your control--your parents controlled what sex you are.

You wet the bed? So do many children. I really think it's an act of rebellion, though an unconscious one. My brother did the same thing, till he hit puberty. My dad had bullied him all those years, and continued to do so until my brother went to college. In fact, their relationship didn't improve until my brother came home from Viet Nam. My dad hadn't seen any action in WWII at all. So finally there was respect.

As for the beer? Your father contributed to your liking it when he shouldn't have let you anywhere near it. I am sorry you were raped. It should not have happened but it was not your fault.

You cannot change what happened to you. But you can change how you regard all of it. You need a therapist who really knows how to listen.

[angstlessk]

2. Because I wet the bed my mother had some sort of examination on me at the hospital

I was put to sleep...have no idea what was done, only that I peed red and it hurt like hell..I think the pain was supposed to wake me up...but it only caused my bed wetting to be very red, and when awake my peeing to be very painful.

I never knew my male cousin also wet the bed...IN THE SAME HOUSE AT THE SAME TIME...I was paraded around as a bad girl for wetting the bed all the while my cousin was doing the same, but hidden???

[angstlessk]

3. I am sorry...looking for tea and sympathy...nevermind

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. ...

[elleng]

4. Very sorry.

[angstlessk]

6. You know what..I came here feeling sorry for me...I want to be helpful

What if every one posted not what they are going through now, but what brought them here in the first place...sorta like my post...and give them the ATTENTION the deserve?

[steve2470]

7. many good vibes and peace to you nt