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This message was self-deleted by its author (PoliticalMalcontent) on Wed Jun 8, 2016, 05:44 PM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.
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Glad you came here.
So, thanks for spilling the beans, you've already made a successful move in doing so.
You are clearly intelligent and you know what else you are? Self Aware.
I too, am self aware of my own issues and I find that it is a blessing and a curse. What do I mean?
Well, self awareness allows us to step outside of the box of our mind and acknowledge the fact that our emotions are because of something else, and not ourselves. We are not fully in control of our minds and YET, because of that self awareness, we're capable of observing our pain rather than being FULLY controlled by it.
It does certainly handicap us at times, but because of our ability to rationalize, we can live with it.
That's the blessing part. And I do know the curse, as I'm sure you do as well. But I'm not here to slog you down with the bad that we already know. I want to reassure you of the strengths that we both have that we both have to be reminded of at times.
Just to relate, I too, have been a victim of sexual abuse, and I suffer from hyper cycling rapid bipolar disorder. My parents were basically separate all my life, they'd just spend their days watching TV in opposite sides of the house. We never ate at a dinner table together and I constantly witnessed "divorce scares" as I called them. They physically fought, I feared for my mothers life on many occasions.
But here I am and here we are! We're still breathing, we have not truly lost at all! May we never lose sight of that!
I send you electronic hugs from my keyboard now! 
But DU can be and often is, a family. Reaching out here is a good idea.
Stick with the psychiatrist is my first thought. Being an MD and hopefully a healer of minds is a good combo, esp. since you have physical issues that complicate your mental ones. Hopefully he will find some drugs that will work.
My second thought is that you're not alone. Hopefully reaching out here will bring others with similar histories here to help you and themselves.
I'm sure you're tired of all this. You may be thinking suicide might be a good option. Some folks call it a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Not having walked in your shoes, I hope your problems are truly temporary, even though they sure don't look like it now. Give the psychiatrist some time. Tell him what you're thinking. Don't hold back. Let him see your pain and how it impacts your whole life, mental and physical.
And I apologize if I sound condescending; I sure don't mean to. Please take care of yourself. You have gifts that maybe you're not aware of yet. You need them...so do we.
I can really identify with a lot of what you wrote - I have a tendency to "overthink" and sometimes it seems to make everything worse.
It takes a lot to be able to reflect and understand what has brought you to this point and how much of it was beyond your control. I am so glad you reached out here, too.
I am blessed with finding a good therapist to talk to and that has really helped a lot. Trying to find the right mixture of meds can be so frustrating because it really does take weeks before your body may register the effects, while in the meantime you feel discouraged. I am so sorry to hear that you ulcerative colitis, my mom has it and it has really been painful both emotionally and physically.
I truly wish you well and feel free to message me whenever you feel like you want to vent or just say hi
It's been a tough transition. While the psychiatrist is awesome, he's a busy dude and I rarely get to see him. In order to start seeing a licensed therapist I had to stop seeing a counselor I had built up a really good rapport with over the course of many years. First therapist didn't click. It was a matter of advice, personality, and infrequent visits hindering the best chance of success. Fortunately I'm off to see a new one here in a few weeks. Just a shame in took like six months to figure out this was the course of action to go.
The mental health profession is understaffed and at times seems too clinical and ridged. I'll keep trying though.
