Tears for my Son.

[GiveMeFreedom]

I don't know if this is the right place for this?

I have cancer. The diagnosis is “unknown primary”. The cancer attacks my skeletal structure, causing tumors to grow on my bones. I am doing quite well, however, and Zometa (the drug I get every 90 days) has caused the cancer cells to stop spreading and the existing tumors to start shrinking.

I am a Veteran, a union member of Operating Engineers, and life long Democrat. Retired on disability and Social Security for now.

I love Democratic Underground, the sane and insane, the good and the bad, CalforniaPeggy, H2Oman, Stinky the Clown, babylonsister, Rudepundit, kpete, a bunch more, and even Skinner for his leadership and foresight for inventing this awesome website.

But this post is not about me really, I have a son, Alex, who's 20 years old and struggling with life so desperately, that I am crying. You see, we argue and last night about 4:00 am I hear anger and banging in his room. He was loosing at some stupid computer game and his reaction is always over the top, inappropriate, immature.

My reaction is to unplug the router and cut him off from the net. This causes the arguments, when I call him on his actions. Most of the time I can handle it. His modus operandi, is to escalate the confrontations until his position becomes “the victim”. Last nights argument, was short, but ended with him telling me “fuck you! I have been thinking of killing myself anyway!”

Last Saturday, I went to the funeral of a young man I had just met, out of respect for his single father. I took both of them, the weekend before the funeral to the r/c helicopter field I fly at. Hoping to get them both interested in the hobby. We had a good time and pleasant trip. I would have never guessed, not in a million years.

The tears that fell this morning are from last night. My son is asleep, and me thinking of the young man I just met, what my son said, my wife, my youngest son, my illness, I need help in getting Alex to accept life and live it. I am scared and writing to D.U. Because I know there are folks here that can help my son. I do not want anything to happen to him. He needs friends, people that accept him as he is.

I'll probably cry off and on, the rest of the day. I am going to call some psychologist that our family knows, but even that is difficult for some reason.

Thanks for reading.

[fizzgig]

1. i'll keep your family in my thoughts

i understand how you feel, the fear and the sadness, the frustration. i know how wearing it can be to live with someone who is in that state, it's hard enough when that is the only thing you're trying to deal with. make sure you are getting what you need because you can do him no good if you aren't well yourself.

you're taking the first step today by making the phone call, as difficult as it may be.

i don't have much advice for you, but plenty of good thoughts. we're here for you, please keep us posted.

[EFerrari]

2. It's very painful to see our kids struggling with their own pain

that we can't fix.

I'm glad you are posting and hope you find a way to make that call.

[applegrove]

3. vibes.

[mdmc]

4. peace and low stress

[Tobin S.]

5. Calling the psychologist is the right thing to do

It sounds like your son needs help from a professional and your friend should be able to tell you what you can do. I'm afraid that since your son is an adult a lot of things are out of your hands now. Just support him if and when he decides to get help.

[GiveMeFreedom]

6. Update

We had another episode at 4:00pm today. I did call the professional and in a nutshell she said if he threatens suicide, call 911. I did. He's been taken for evaluation, Alex went willing, which I know is a good sign. I'll keep everyone updated and THANK YOU.

[fizzgig]

7. i am glad he is safe

i know how hard it is to make that particular phone call.

my best to you.

[BeHereNow]

8. You posted in the right place for sure- so many of us share similar scenarios.

Like EF said up thread, there is nothing more painful
than watching our children suffer and not be able to "fix it."

I am so relieved to hear that you called 911.
Any time a person states that they are considering self harm, it is time
to hospitalize them.

Thank goodness he said it- it is a cry for help and he
knows you will get it for him, no matter how angry he appears
with you, or acts out at you, be grateful because ultimately it means
he knows he is safe with you- that you will love him no matter what
and get him the help he needs.

It's the quiet ones who give no warning that succeed at suicide.
A dear friend lost his son that way- no warning what so ever.
No fights, no declarations of "I wish I was dead." NOTHING.

Just quietly went into his room and hung himself.

Don't let his anger push you away- stick to him like GLUE with a consistently
loving voice and gentle touches of love.
What ever you do, do not engage in anger with him.
BHN

[Odin2005]

9. Oh dear, sounds like Borderline PD.

Hope your son gets help.