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Wed Mar 7, 2018, 04:38 PM

Battle with depression

So...lately DU has been a place to escape to feel more with people with the same ideologies. So far it's been helping, but last night I had a huge fight with a close friend over a decision she made without consulting me. Needless to say, I broke down and started to tear myself down like I normally do. Not sure why I do this, maybe since my ex best friend destroyed me as a person and the feeling of self worth just went.

I've been battling depression for over a decade now, I have one suicide attempt on my belt. For the longest time I was actually okay? Sort of. I was in a mentally abusive relationship for nearly 7 years and that was difficult, but I settled obviously for what I could have and feel something. Sadly the past 4 years have completely beat the hell out of me mentally. Friends have backed stabbed me, I'm terrified of the people I do love hurting me or leaving. Guess what I am saying, my depression has hit near suicide levels again and I don't have the means of getting help since I'm uninsured.

I'm reaching out for help. Please. Holding this in isn't becoming too hard to control now.

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Arrow 44 replies Author Time Post
Reply Battle with depression (Original post)
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 OP
fleur-de-lisa Mar 2018 #1
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #4
Laffy Kat Mar 2018 #2
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #5
elfin Mar 2018 #9
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #17
Canoe52 Mar 2018 #3
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #7
elfin Mar 2018 #11
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #18
BigmanPigman Mar 2018 #25
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #34
Canoe52 Mar 2018 #23
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #33
applegrove Mar 2018 #6
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #8
applegrove Mar 2018 #13
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #15
applegrove Mar 2018 #19
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #20
applegrove Mar 2018 #21
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #22
applegrove Mar 2018 #24
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #32
handmade34 Mar 2018 #10
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #16
shenmue Mar 2018 #12
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #14
PennyK Mar 2018 #26
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #30
summer_in_TX Mar 2018 #27
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #31
Sienna86 Mar 2018 #28
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #29
steve2470 Mar 2018 #39
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #40
DeadLetterOffice Mar 2018 #35
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #36
irisblue Mar 2018 #41
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #42
irisblue Mar 2018 #43
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #44
diva77 Mar 2018 #37
vercetti2021 Mar 2018 #38

Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 04:41 PM

1. I'm so sorry vercetti.

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Response to fleur-de-lisa (Reply #1)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:07 PM

4. Thank you

I've been trying hard to distract myself, talking here or such. Just isn't helping enough.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 04:47 PM

2. You ARE NOT alone.

I do hope you consult with a professional. I've been there and the help I got changed my life. Remember there are family and friends that love you. You also have us.

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Response to Laffy Kat (Reply #2)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:08 PM

5. Thank you

I wish I could afford it, but my job doesn't offer insurance and out of pocket...well I don't know. Family yes...it's friends that honestly scare me. Mainly the ones that have hurt me the most.

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Response to Laffy Kat (Reply #2)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:14 PM

9. So very important to find the best med help you can

And then keep on trying protocols of both meds and therapy to get you through this and set up a regimen that will keep you safe and able to enjoy all things great and small.

It can take longer than you may expect in this age of near-instant gratification. Keep at it and keep sharing here and elsewhere to travel to a new outlook and feeling of well-being.

It is understandable that the event you described cuts to the quick in your present state. However, changes can put this in perspective so as to not be so hurtful as you presently experience.

All the very best to you. Never, never take that final step to escape. A family member did that over a similar situation and never realized that his action would cause so much deep grief and pain amongst those he loved.

This was before such feelings could be more successfully addressed by caring medical help combined with talk therapy.

Please keep in touch with this caring community.

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Response to elfin (Reply #9)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:52 PM

17. Thank you

I'll do my best to keep up here, I try to use my own humor to interject some funnies into posts. I really just don't know how to contribute politically besides a few jokes here and there...as for suicide? I just always wonder what would happen if I was truly gone. How people would feel.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)


Response to Canoe52 (Reply #3)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:10 PM

7. Thank you

I didn't think if they'd have agencies for low income. Mean I'm part of a middle class family, but I sorta live as a low income individual in my parents home. Sadly my mom doesn't think I have a problem and it's just me acting silly mostly. I was getting better for a while, but the friend that was helping me was the one who dug the knife in deeper. I loved her a lot too. That pain is lingering still to this day.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #7)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:21 PM

11. Low income doesn't necessarily mean a cut off from care -- however...

It does make it more complicated.

If you present yourself and your situation at an urgent care, they may be able to help you sort things out as to the ways to get you the help you need. Getting on to available Medicaid in your state? etc.

Make a list of what you think you need and take notes on their responses. Oh, how I hope you find the oasis you seek.

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Response to elfin (Reply #11)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:53 PM

18. Not sure how it works in Texas

I've never been able to do research since I'm terrible at that. I'll look for what I can find.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #18)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 08:06 PM

25. I googled it and there are a lot in Texas.

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Response to BigmanPigman (Reply #25)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 02:21 AM

34. Thank you

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #7)


Response to Canoe52 (Reply #23)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 02:21 AM

33. I don't have the patience

I feel like I've been patient long enough...all I ever hope for is something better and it never happens. I'm happy it turned out good for you, but...I don't feel it happening anytime soon for me.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:09 PM

6. Have you read Trauma and Recovery? Go to a self help bookstore

And do some reading. A traumatic relationship can floor you. Learn how to unravel that. I know it is hard. Meds worked wonders for me when i was depressed. You can get them from a family doctor at this point. I went through a rebirth in my late twenties after finding prozac. Life is so wonderful after you recouver from depression i could get through anything. Vibes to you.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #6)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:11 PM

8. Hmm...

Self help bookstore? I didn't know that was a place. I hope it does exist here. I gotta find something soon before I get to a bad point. Thank you.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #8)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:06 PM

13. A bookstore that caters to hippies and self help. They probably sell chrystals too. Maybe near a

health food store.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #13)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:47 PM

15. Only place that would have that here is a store called Earthbound

I live in an extremely conservative city in Texas...this place has all the crystals, books and frankly all hippie stuff.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #15)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:54 PM

19. Call them and ask how big their self help section is. Or maybe go to a big box store.

Take care of you.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #19)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:55 PM

20. I will

I've only been in there once, so I couldn't recall much besides difussers.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #20)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 07:01 PM

21. Then maybe AMAZON or a big box book store is a better idea.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #21)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 07:03 PM

22. Barnes and Nobles perhaps?

Or maybe one of our local stores? Never know, we might have hidden gems in this city somewhere.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #22)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 07:17 PM

24. Call the diffuser selling place and ask them if they know a self help bookstore. Come to

think of it they may not be doing well as AMAZON and big box stores are driving the little book stores under. Barnes and Noble sounds good.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #24)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 02:20 AM

32. Will check

Thank you

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 05:19 PM

10. oh

I am sorry you are having a very tough time right now and it is so difficult to help online... depression is a medical issue (same as if you had cancer or a serious illness that kept you from going on day to day as normal)... keep communicating with good people that will be kind (even if it is here)... eat healthy food (vitamins if necessary)... if you have a pet, lean on them to give you love... know that you are not alone and it can and will get better... nature can help, helping others can help... keep looking for your way

(when I went through a bout of depression, ...when I could get out of bed, I would go to a mirror- at least once a day-and use my fingers to physically force my face to smile and I found others tricks to eventually get myself well...)

it seems as if you are in Texas and I would strongly urge you to call someone there
https://www.texaspanhandlecenters.org/adult-mental-health-outpatient-services/



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Response to handmade34 (Reply #10)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:50 PM

16. Thank you

I'm trying to keep up and battle it by having people and a good support base. Lately...I've had a lot of bad hit me, last night was one of them. It hit deep to the point where I was considering on..well yeah. I've been exercising a bit to help, trying to eat better but that's hard since I binge eat. I have a dog, but he's getting to that age where his health is in decline so that isn't help me either.

And thank you for that link. I'll be sure to look.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:03 PM

12. Please get help

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Response to shenmue (Reply #12)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 06:44 PM

14. I've been trying

Thank you.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 08:36 PM

26. So sorry you're experiencing this

I've had depression over the past year and all I can suggest, beside trying to get medical assistance, is to just get through today and to find something, however small, to look forward to.
Try not to dwell constantly on what's wrong...take some breaks if you can. Sit in the sun if you can (unless you're up north!)

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Response to PennyK (Reply #26)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 02:18 AM

30. I don't have insurance to get medical help

I've yet to start looking for a method or something to get help...just tired is all and it's just difficult to even get up in the morning.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 08:42 PM

27. I'm so glad you told us what you're going through!

I think many book stores have self-help sections. Most of us need help to understand our situations and deal with esteem issues and the loops we tell ourselves.

If you are near Central or South Texas, there are quite a few Half Price Books in our area.

Those are some good links you got. I didn't see anyone mention churches however. Churches sometimes have confidential counseling support services available, and would be likely to be sliding scale. Chaplains often have a lot of training in counseling too.

Someone's response above made me remember that it can do some good to take note of some of the things that are still there to be grateful for. Helps to give you reasons to stay and also things aren't quite as dark when you do.

Wish I could send you a big hug. Hang in there!

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Response to summer_in_TX (Reply #27)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 02:20 AM

31. I live in the panhandle

Mean...there's some bookstores. And I'd never step foot in a church. I'd rather not go that route.

Only thing I am grateful for it my mom. That's it'. Thank you too.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2018, 08:47 PM

28. Please reach out to NAMI

They will help you find the help you need.

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Response to Sienna86 (Reply #28)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 02:17 AM

29. Nami?

Never heard of them

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #29)

Sat Mar 10, 2018, 04:48 PM

39. National Alliance for the Mentally Ill

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Response to steve2470 (Reply #39)

Sat Mar 10, 2018, 05:52 PM

40. Oh

OK I'll look at them. Thank you

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 04:02 AM

35. Free crisis help resources

Text 741741 from anywhere in the USA to text with a trained Crisis Counselor.
Every texter is connected with a Crisis Counselor, a real-life human being trained to bring texters from a hot moment to a cool calm through active listening and collaborative problem solving. All of our Crisis Counselors are volunteers, donating their time to helping people in crisis.


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
1-800-273-8255


Crisis Call Center’s 24-hour crisis line is here to provide safe, non-judgmental support for individuals in any type of crisis. In addition to our 24-hour crisis hotline, we also offer crisis intervention through text messaging. Text “ANSWER” to 839863.



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Response to DeadLetterOffice (Reply #35)

Thu Mar 8, 2018, 07:04 PM

36. Thank you

It's very bad today..so I might call one of these numbers

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #36)

Sun Mar 11, 2018, 05:57 PM

41. Thinking of you.🌹🌻💐🌸🌷🌹🌻💐🌸

Cyber flowers for you

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Response to irisblue (Reply #41)

Sun Mar 11, 2018, 06:15 PM

42. Thanks for the love

Friend has been messing with my head lately and it hasn't helped

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #42)

Sun Mar 11, 2018, 09:40 PM

43. a friend should be telling you truth, not messing with your mind.

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Response to irisblue (Reply #43)

Sun Mar 11, 2018, 09:45 PM

44. Mind games sadly

I'm very kind to people but..they tend to take advantage

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Sat Mar 10, 2018, 02:59 AM

37. I highly recommend yoga. Hatha yoga has worked wonders for me--

Here is a link to choices of beginning yoga classes on youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=yoga+class+hatha+beginners

Even if you only do a couple of positions, it helps.

Lots of hugs to you & best wishes



on edit: here are a couple of suggested mantras for you to do some deep breathing to (or you can make up your own mantra) -- "This too shall pass" or "Let it go"

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Response to diva77 (Reply #37)

Sat Mar 10, 2018, 09:06 AM

38. Thank you

I'll see what I can do here with this

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