Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search


(4,332 posts)
Mon Dec 16, 2019, 09:55 PM Dec 2019

Humor - New -- It's Adjunct Barbie!

(I thought this was pretty funny, re the consequences sometimes of chasing your dreams).


For decades, Barbie® has empowered girls to imagine everything they might become: a surgeon, an astronaut, even president of the United States. Now there’s finally a Barbie® who offers smart, hardworking girls a glimpse of what they’re more likely to become. Introducing Adjunct Faculty Barbie™!

Adjunct Barbie™ is a part-time college instructor who’s almost, but not quite, ready to give up on her dreams. She teaches eight classes a semester, and she’s hanging in there! As part of Mattel Inc.’s commitment to reflecting a broader range of body types, she has under-eye bags and poor posture, and she’s bloated from stress-eating. Her outfit goes easily from day to night — simply turn her clearance-rack Old Navy blazer inside out, and it becomes a frayed bathrobe, complete with coffee stains.

Girls can take part in all of Adjunct Barbie’s™ academic adventures. Pack her bags as she jet-sets off to Glassboro, New Jersey, Prescott, Arizona, or even Augusta, Georgia, for job interviews that never quite pan out. Leaf through The Chronicle of Higher Education and guess which positions have already been promised to internal candidates. Help her review the honor code with Plagiarism Daisy™. Then after a long day, she’s ready to kick back in the studio apartment she shares with her ex-boyfriend, Freelance Ken™. They’re staying out of each other’s way until the lease runs out! Or maybe she just drives around for a while, thinking about her life choices.*

All of these fun accessories take playtime to the next level (although that level is still not tenure track):

Her diploma is fully customizable, with stickers for various subject areas. Is her PhD in anthropology? Religion? Art history? There are hundreds of poorly-funded fields to choose from!
The ID badges from the four schools she teaches at come with mix-and-match lanyards!
Up to 200 ungraded papers fit neatly inside her purple vinyl briefcase. She’ll deal with them later!
Her hot pink phone is a Samsung Galaxy S3, and it’s fine!
The feral cat who hangs out by her apartment complex’s dumpster provides temporary relief from Barbie’s® feelings of isolation. Sometimes she throws him bites of deli meat, but he still growls if she gets too close. She calls him Waffles!
Her mini-fridge contains a box of chardonnay and five single-serve Trader Joe’s meals. They are the main thing she looks forward to all day!
Her 7-day pill organizer comes with anti-anxiety meds to be sorted (colors may vary). Is it okay for her to have them with wine? Who can remember?
Her laptop displays a bookmarked article about that adjunct at Duquesne University who fell over dead in the street. Her name was Margaret Mary Vojtko, and Barbie® thinks about her a lot. Duquesne declined to renew Vojtko’s contract even though she’d taught French there for twenty-five years and was beloved by students. Her heat got cut off that winter because all her money was going to her cancer treatments. Duquesne is a Christian school. Barbie® is spiritual but not religious. The laptop has real buttons!
Each Adjunct Barbie™ comes with a download code for a special app that lets you see her student loan debt accrue interest in real time.

7 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Humor - New -- It's Adjunct Barbie! (Original Post) Beringia Dec 2019 OP
SOB catrose Dec 2019 #1
with a heavy ❤️ dweller Dec 2019 #2
In SoCal, We're called Freeway Flyers B Stieg Dec 2019 #3
Glad you got mini-tenure Beringia Dec 2019 #4
Thanks! B Stieg Dec 2019 #5
Great, well better if it were guaranteed Beringia Dec 2019 #6
Truth! DeadLetterOffice Dec 2019 #7

B Stieg

(2,410 posts)
3. In SoCal, We're called Freeway Flyers
Tue Dec 17, 2019, 08:19 AM
Dec 2019

I somehow survived five years of this before landing a teaching job (composition) with mini-tenure.
But adjuncting is really, really difficult.

B Stieg

(2,410 posts)
5. Thanks!
Tue Dec 17, 2019, 12:56 PM
Dec 2019

And as a person managing my own diabetes and MS, the health insurance is also now semi-guaranteed.


(1,352 posts)
7. Truth!
Tue Dec 17, 2019, 01:40 PM
Dec 2019

And this is why I am less sad about my health issues forcing me to quit my PhD program than I thought I would be.


Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Mental Health Support»Humor - New -- It's Adjun...