Seniors
Related: About this forumNow That I'm Older...
>>> If you cant think of a word just say, I forgot the English word for it. That way people will think youre bilingual instead of an idiot.
>>>
>>> Im at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
>>>
>>> Im getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
>>>
>>> I dont always go the extra mile, but when I do, its because I missed my exit.
>>>
>>> At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in Thats a load of 2020. or What in the 2020. or abso-2020-lutely.
>>>
>>> My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
>>>
>>> Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. OK, I ate a pizza! A good one! Are you happy now?
>>>
>>> I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
>>>
>>> I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
>>>
>>> *A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
>>>
>>> Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9' through shag pile carpet to change the TV channel.
>>>
>>> Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
>>>
>>> Remember back when we were kids and every time it was above 30 outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither!
>>>
>>> I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
>>>
>>> I loved approaching 66. I learned something new every day and forgot 5 other things.
>>>
>>> A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I got up and searched with him.
>>>
>>> Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
>>>
>>> Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
>>>
>>> Its weird being the same age as old people.
>>>
>>> When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This not what I expected.
>>>
>>> Life is like a helicopter. I dont know how to operate a helicopter.
>>>
>>> Its probably my age that tricks people into thinking Im an adult.
>>>
>>> Marriage Counsellor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
>>> Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
>>>
>>> Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember
Dont sing!
>>>
>>> I see people about my age mountain climbing. I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
>>>
>>> So if a cow doesnt produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
>>>
>>> Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic.
>>> One day youre loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks, and the next youre crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you dont even like.
>>>
>>> You dont realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
>>>
>>> We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
>>>
>>> Good thing you cant get fat from laughing!
>>>
nature-lover
(1,469 posts)WVreaper
(620 posts)jpak
(41,758 posts)You R old
magicarpet
(14,150 posts)appalachiablue
(41,131 posts)LiberalArkie
(15,715 posts)ProudProgressiveNow
(6,129 posts)mgardener
(1,816 posts)I, too, had a salad & croutons.
I did have onions on it.
That counts as a vegetable, right???
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,616 posts)momta
(4,079 posts)"...gin for breakfast, and missing people you don't even like."
My world.
Mr.Bill
(24,290 posts)My wife and I enjoyed them.
Now I just have to pick out my three favorites, because that's all I'll be able to remember.
dianaredwing
(406 posts)Peggy, you made my year so far, and even compensated for that swear word, what was it, 2020? Thanks a lot. I'm keeping this one.
BarbD
(1,192 posts)Being old during a pandemic puts aging in a whole new dimension.
Really appreciate the laughs.
gademocrat7
(10,657 posts)Thanks for the laughs!
leftieNanner
(15,100 posts)Thank you Dear CP!
CaptainTruth
(6,591 posts)Wright had a lot a funny one-liners.
RVN VET71
(2,690 posts)The Allfather of the one-liner:
https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=henny+youngman+one+liners&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
housecat
(3,121 posts)bluboid
(560 posts)I needed to laugh today!
swimboy
(7,284 posts)You are sumpn else!
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)SheltieLover
(57,073 posts)GeoWilliam750
(2,522 posts)PatrickforB
(14,574 posts)SergeStorms
(19,201 posts)I enjoyed those. Too many of them hit very close to home though. Close enough to see my ass's imprint in the recliner.
FakeNoose
(32,639 posts)I'm turning 70 next week. Thanks CalPeggy!
Harker
(14,018 posts)These are starting to make sense...
littlemissmartypants
(22,656 posts)cilla4progress
(24,731 posts)for the giggle!
rickyhall
(4,889 posts)DeeDeeNY
(3,355 posts)Thanks for the laughs CP!
PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,857 posts)HUAJIAO
(2,385 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(11,609 posts)Moostache
(9,895 posts)Thank you Peggy! I enjoyed that and the smiles make me feel better tonight!
Mickju
(1,803 posts)And relatable! (I'm about to be 77)
niyad
(113,303 posts)BComplex
(8,051 posts)PatSeg
(47,430 posts)FuzzyRabbit
(1,967 posts)taxi
(1,896 posts)Paper Roses
(7,473 posts)MiHale
(9,722 posts)Need the laughs today!
rhiannon55
(2,671 posts)My many old friends and peers would love it. I laughed (and related to) a whole lot of them!
Peggy, you are a treasure.
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,616 posts)Karadeniz
(22,516 posts)Ka-Dinh Oy
(11,686 posts)Thanks for posting these. I enjoyed them.
BlueMTexpat
(15,369 posts)stealing these!
cate94
(2,810 posts)58Sunliner
(4,386 posts)wendyb-NC
(3,327 posts)I needed to laugh out loud. What a brilliant reflection on the times, and accumulating birthdays. I can identify with all of the above.
My favorites, "It's weird being the same age as old people." , and "Never sing in the shower." Blessings , to you.
llmart
(15,539 posts)I will definitely be passing these on to all my friends/family who like me, are 70+. I love the one about getting your leg through your underpants without losing your balance.
Thanks for the many laughs!
ShazzieB
(16,396 posts)Ain't it the damned truth?
DENVERPOPS
(8,820 posts)Another reason I love you !!!!!!!!!!!!!
BobTheSubgenius
(11,563 posts)A couple of those made me literally LOL, which isn't that common when one is amused while alone. A great list, and LOTS of entries, which made it doubly good.
Thank you!
dchill
(38,492 posts)Jakes Progress
(11,122 posts)trof
(54,256 posts)It can be a struggle.
whew
raccoon
(31,110 posts)>>> You dont realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up
When my cat is lying on the carpet, I pet her with my foot.
trof
(54,256 posts)jeez