HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » People » Seniors (Group) » Now That I'm Older...

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 07:54 PM

Now That I'm Older...

>>> If you canít think of a word just say, ďI forgot the English word for it.Ē That way people will think youíre bilingual instead of an idiot.
>>>
>>> Iím at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
>>>
>>> Iím getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
>>>
>>> I donít always go the extra mile, but when I do, itís because I missed my exit.
>>>
>>> At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in ďThatís a load of 2020.Ē or ďWhat in the 2020.Ē or ďabso-2020-lutely.Ē
>>>
>>> My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
>>>
>>> Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. OK, I ate a pizza! A good one! Are you happy now?
>>>
>>> I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
>>>
>>> I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
>>>
>>> *A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
>>>
>>> Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9' through shag pile carpet to change the TV channel.
>>>
>>> Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
>>>
>>> Remember back when we were kids and every time it was above 30 outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither!
>>>
>>> I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
>>>
>>> I loved approaching 66. I learned something new every day and forgot 5 other things.
>>>
>>> A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I got up and searched with him.
>>>
>>> Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
>>>
>>> Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
>>>
>>> Itís weird being the same age as old people.
>>>
>>> When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This not what I expected.
>>>
>>> Life is like a helicopter. I donít know how to operate a helicopter.
>>>
>>> Itís probably my age that tricks people into thinking Iím an adult.
>>>
>>> Marriage Counsellor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
>>> Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
>>>
>>> Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So rememberÖDonít sing!
>>>
>>> I see people about my age mountain climbing. I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
>>>
>>> So if a cow doesnít produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
>>>
>>> Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic.
>>> One day youíre loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks, and the next youíre crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you donít even like.
>>>
>>> You donít realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
>>>
>>> We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
>>>
>>> Good thing you canít get fat from laughing!
>>>


59 replies, 5484 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 59 replies Author Time Post
Reply Now That I'm Older... (Original post)
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 3 OP
nature-lover Mar 3 #1
WVreaper Mar 3 #3
jpak Mar 3 #2
magicarpet Mar 3 #4
appalachiablue Mar 3 #5
LiberalArkie Mar 3 #6
ProudProgressiveNow Mar 3 #7
mgardener Mar 3 #8
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 3 #9
momta Mar 3 #10
Mr.Bill Mar 3 #11
dianaredwing Mar 3 #12
BarbD Mar 3 #13
gademocrat7 Mar 3 #14
leftieNanner Mar 3 #15
CaptainTruth Mar 3 #16
RVN VET71 Mar 3 #32
housecat Mar 3 #17
bluboid Mar 3 #18
swimboy Mar 3 #19
BlancheSplanchnik Mar 3 #20
SheltieLover Mar 3 #21
GeoWilliam750 Mar 3 #22
PatrickforB Mar 3 #23
SergeStorms Mar 3 #24
FakeNoose Mar 3 #25
Harker Mar 3 #26
littlemissmartypants Mar 3 #27
cilla4progress Mar 3 #28
rickyhall Mar 3 #29
DeeDeeNY Mar 3 #30
PoindexterOglethorpe Mar 3 #31
HUAJIAO Mar 3 #33
MustLoveBeagles Mar 4 #34
Moostache Mar 4 #35
Mickju Mar 4 #36
niyad Mar 4 #37
BComplex Mar 4 #38
PatSeg Mar 4 #39
FuzzyRabbit Mar 4 #40
taxi Mar 4 #41
Paper Roses Mar 4 #42
MiHale Mar 4 #43
rhiannon55 Mar 4 #44
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 4 #48
Karadeniz Mar 4 #45
Ka-Dinh Oy Mar 4 #46
BlueMTexpat Mar 4 #47
cate94 Mar 4 #49
58Sunliner Mar 4 #50
wendyb-NC Mar 4 #51
llmart Mar 4 #52
ShazzieB Mar 4 #53
DENVERPOPS Mar 4 #54
BobTheSubgenius Mar 4 #55
dchill Mar 4 #56
Jakes Progress Mar 4 #57
trof Mar 16 #58
raccoon Mar 26 #59

Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 07:57 PM

1. Needed those laughs today! Thanks

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nature-lover (Reply #1)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:04 PM

3. Well done. Thanks!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:03 PM

2. LOL!

You R old

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:08 PM

4. Very funny,... THX for posting/sharing.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:17 PM

5. Hilarious, so funny and true! Thanx for this Calif Peggy

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:19 PM

6. When you look at your contacts on the and they are doctors or pharmacists

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink



Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:36 PM

8. Thank you so much.

I, too, had a salad & croutons.
I did have onions on it.
That counts as a vegetable, right???

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to mgardener (Reply #8)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:40 PM

9. Of course it counts!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:46 PM

10. My favorite was the coronacoaster

"...gin for breakfast, and missing people you don't even like."

My world.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:46 PM

11. Thanks for the laughs, Peggy.

My wife and I enjoyed them.

Now I just have to pick out my three favorites, because that's all I'll be able to remember.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:53 PM

12. OMG

Peggy, you made my year so far, and even compensated for that swear word, what was it, 2020? Thanks a lot. I'm keeping this one.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 08:55 PM

13. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!

Being old during a pandemic puts aging in a whole new dimension.

Really appreciate the laughs.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:08 PM

14. Very funny, CP

Thanks for the laughs!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:20 PM

15. Delightful!

Thank you Dear CP!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:27 PM

16. LOL!!! Some of those remind me of Steven Wright. Thanks for posting!

Wright had a lot a funny one-liners.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaptainTruth (Reply #16)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:38 PM

32. Also the late and truly great Henny Youngman

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:36 PM

17. at least three were lol. thank you

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:37 PM

18. THANK YOU!

I needed to laugh today!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:37 PM

19. As we say in the south

You are sumpní else!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:46 PM

20. Tee hee!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:48 PM

21. Ty for the chuckles, Peggy!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:55 PM

22. Thanks for the chuckles

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 09:57 PM

23. Thanks for a really good laugh! n/t

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:01 PM

24. As an official 'old fart'...

I enjoyed those. Too many of them hit very close to home though. Close enough to see my ass's imprint in the recliner.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:04 PM

25. These are great and your timing couldn't be better

I'm turning 70 next week. Thanks CalPeggy!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:04 PM

26. Gads.

These are starting to make sense...

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:07 PM

27. Thanks. ❤ nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:11 PM

28. Thanks

for the giggle!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:13 PM

29. Channel surfing used to mean sitting in front of the tv & turning the knob.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:25 PM

30. These are so so good!

Thanks for the laughs CP!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:31 PM

31. My favorite.

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:40 PM

33. I'm 77. Oh boy are these funny, great, and true! Thanks...




Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 12:14 AM

34. Thanks for the laughs CP

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 12:15 AM

35. And just like that...the pick-me-up I did not know I needed!

Thank you Peggy! I enjoyed that and the smiles make me feel better tonight!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 12:28 PM

36. Hilarious!

And relatable! (I'm about to be 77)

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 12:41 PM

37. Good morning, my dear CP. what a delicious treat! Thank you so much! Off to share.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 12:43 PM

38. Thanks for the belly laughs, CaliforniaPeggy!

That was fun! I'm going to print them out and send them to all my friends who still don't know how to get into their email!!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 12:57 PM

39. Thanks, I love those!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 01:09 PM

40. Thanks for the laughs, Peggy.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 01:21 PM

41. Oops, the rec button is broken. It keeps changing color.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 01:24 PM

42. This 78 year old can relate. Thanks for this post. Best laugh of the day(or month). n/t

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 01:32 PM

43. Thanks CalPeg...

Need the laughs today!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 01:55 PM

44. I would love to share this on Facebook

My many old friends and peers would love it. I laughed (and related to) a whole lot of them!

Peggy, you are a treasure.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to rhiannon55 (Reply #44)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:33 PM

48. You're too kind, my dear rhiannon55! Feel free to share. Just copy and paste! ♥

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:13 PM

45. I was laughing so hard, my husband warned me not to choke on my chili and rice!!!!!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:30 PM

46. You can't get fat from laughing but you can pee your pants even though you don't have to go.

Thanks for posting these. I enjoyed them.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:30 PM

47. Thanks! I am SO

stealing these!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:48 PM

49. Thanks for the laughs!

As I approach 65 I relate to more of these everyday.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:52 PM

50. Thank you for the humor!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:53 PM

51. Thank you, Peggy

I needed to laugh out loud. What a brilliant reflection on the times, and accumulating birthdays. I can identify with all of the above.

My favorites, "It's weird being the same age as old people." , and "Never sing in the shower." Blessings , to you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 02:55 PM

52. I am so glad I read these today. What a hoot!

I will definitely be passing these on to all my friends/family who like me, are 70+. I love the one about getting your leg through your underpants without losing your balance.

Thanks for the many laughs!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 03:07 PM

53. "It's weird being the same age as old people."

Ain't it the damned truth?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 03:09 PM

54. CP.......

Another reason I love you !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 03:31 PM

55. Good one, C Peggy!

A couple of those made me literally LOL, which isn't that common when one is amused while alone. A great list, and LOTS of entries, which made it doubly good.

Thank you!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 04:52 PM

56. Sadly, these are ALL ME!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Mar 4, 2021, 05:48 PM

57. Oh. So good. Thank you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Tue Mar 16, 2021, 07:58 PM

58. The one about donning underwear really strikes a chord.

It can be a struggle.
whew

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Fri Mar 26, 2021, 08:15 AM

59. They're all good, especially this:

>>>
>>> You donít realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up


When my cat is lying on the carpet, I pet her with my foot.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread