No humour group is complete without lightbulbs.

[TheMadMonk]

Q. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. None. "I'll just sit here in the dark."

[FSogol]

1. How many Dull People does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

[customerserviceguy]

2. How many drug and alcohol counselors does it take to change a light bulb?

It cannot be done, the lightbulb has to want to change.

[meow2u3]

3. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just blame the Democrats for having blown the bulb.

[robinlynne]

4. I love you guys. all 4 posters.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

5. How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

Thirteen. Ya gotta problem with that?

[Morning Dew]

6. How many Dell Tech Support people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring
Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring
ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring
Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring
ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring.....

[icymist]

7. How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None! They won't fit!

[Euromutt]

9. Or alternatively...

None, hippies screw in sleeping bags, not in lightbulbs.

[icymist]

12. But they wont fit anywhere!

Not even in lightbulbs!

[Euromutt]

8. How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to actually change the bulb and the other to hold his penis-- his mother-- I mean, the ladder!

[dixiegrrrrl]

13. LOL,

That IS funny.

[Euromutt]

10. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

- None; the lightbulb itself contains the seed of its own revolution.

How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- None; the lighbulb cannot be changed, it must be smashed!

[Mira]

11. It's one of my favorites along with:

Mother gives son two shirts for Christmas. The next day he visits wearing one of them. Mother starts to cry. "So you did not like the other one!"

[wyldwolf]

14. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.

[47of74]

15. How many freepers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Darkness is their natural habitat.

[Scuba]

16. How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just Juan.







No, I don't think the joke is racist. I think it helps fight racism by seeming to be racist, then smacking the racists up side the head. But that's just me.

[benld74]

17. How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

That information <deleted > when the <deleted > <deleted > possibly at the behest of <deleted > national security <deleted > 9/11 <deleted > freedom <deleted > 9/11 <deleted > liberty <deleted > 9/11. Which is why it is vitally important for Congress to enact another tax cut for the wealthy.

[benld74]

18. How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

[dixiegrrrrl]

19. How many contractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.
One to assure you that everything is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

[dixiegrrrrl]

20. my favorite: How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?

[benld74]

22. Why enO of course! HA forgot about that eno!

[hobbit709]

21. Screwing in a light bulb

[Mac1949]

23. My favorite: How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
little cluster...

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light
bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect
some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE
STAFF.

[ZombieHorde]

24. Dogs don't have masters, dogs have family.

Cats have suckers.

[Mira]

27. Cackling all the way through! n/t

[Chiyo-chichi]

25. How many DUers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

At least 48.

One troll to blame Obama for the burnout of the previous bulb because of his War on Incandescents.

35 DUers to complain within the first thirty seconds about how dark it is in here.

One DUer who wants to post a poll about the wattage of the new bulb, but who winds up posting a rant about the inability to post a poll in DU3.

One DUer to alert on the bulb because the burnout was disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Three DUers to clamor to serve on the jury, only to find that they have clicked the link too late and that the light bulb jury has already been seated.

Three DUers to vote that they see nothing wrong with the light bulb's behavior and to let it stand.

Three DUers to vote to hide the bulb -- no explanation given.

And Skinner, who despite the other 47, changes the bulb less than a minute after the old bulb burned out.

[Scuba]

26. +1

[Mira]

28. Good one! n/t