My atheist Christmas: How I overcame my personal struggle with the holiday

[rug]

The holiday and its religious trappings used to offend me deeply. Here's how I overcame my feelings of oppression

Thursday, Dec 25, 2014 12:00 PM EST
Gabriel Arana

- snip -

I fell away slowly. I stopped going to church at college, where the liberal Catholic church just off campus was way too liberal for an 18-year-old Buckley-ite — they called God a “them” to avoid gendering Him or Her. For a year after I entered college I held on to my Catholic identity, but one of my saving graces and greatest faults is my rebellious streak and inability to deny myself things, whether it’s food, sex, alcohol — you get the picture.

When I came to accept my sexuality, I didn’t see how one couldn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. If Catholic social teachings weren’t true, why would the institution have credibility on other topics? Why should I believe any of the things I had taken on the Church’s authority?

The pendulum swung in the other direction, and I went from being a hard-nosed Catholic to an extreme secularist. I remember reading about how the French, hoping to cleanse society of all religious influence during the French Revolution, renamed the months of the calendar year, and thinking it was a good idea. I thought Christmas displays were an affront to democracy, and a violation of the separation of church and state. I’d make a big deal about going to Catholic weddings without a guarantee that the priest would not talk about “man and woman” coming together.

My most rabidly secular self would have set the Christmas tree on fire at our yearly family gathering and lectured my relatives about how religious teaching amounted to child abuse and indoctrination, all while the kids cried as they watched their presents went up in flames.

http://www.salon.com/2014/12/25/my_atheist_christmas_how_i_overcame_my_personal_struggle_with_the_holiday/

[juxtaposed]

1. you should just x the bottom from the title and tell your story. If you do I'll tell u bout mine

[rug]

2. "x the bottom"?

You can post whatever you like, or not. I bet there are as many differences as there are similarities as there are people. For instance, this writer describes himself as once being a "Buckley-ite", a term I haven't heard in years.

[juxtaposed]

4. just something to think about

[BlueStreak]

3. I can't say I have had THAT much of a swing

But it did bother me that so many people just assume that you are a Christian if you, well, "look" like a Christian, which is to say, you don't look too much like a Muslim.

I used to avoid saying "Merry Christmas."

I'm over it. What I object to now is:

1) any attempt to force the religion on others -- I'll fight that to the death;

2) any attempt to brainwash the public, celebrate ignorance, or destroy our public educational system.

But if you enjoy singing carols, have at it. I like some of that music too. If the day is meaningful to you, then have a Merry Christmas. I won't interfere with your right to celebrate that as you wish if you don't force it on others.

More than that, I am a professional musician, so I probably attend more church services every year than many people who claim to be religious. I used to be uncomfortable when the parishioners would make a point of handing me a hymnal as if to insist I partake in the rituals instead of simply providing the service I was hired to perform. But now I realize most of them were just being nice, wanting me to feel at home.

I do have a prepared set of responses when people ask awkward questions. For example, when arriving for Midnight Mass at the Catholic church last night (after playing a Lutheran service a few hours earlier,) the choir director asked me "And what religion are you?" An honest answer would be "I don't believe any of that nonsense. And I am a professional who will do everything in my power to help you accomplish your goals -- and you should be happy that you found an atheist musician because most worshipers aren't available for hire on Christmas Eve." But instead I went with "My family was Presbyterian," which was also an honest answer, and that was the end of it. And now I realize the choir director might only have been inquiring to see how much guidance she would need to give me to follow the complicated Catholic liturgy. She's a lovely person, and brilliant musician. I really doubt that her main goal in life is to "save" me.

Merry Christmas everyone.

[delrem]

6. Christian and Muslim aren't the only sects on the planet.

I can hardly believe what you say:

"For example, when arriving for Midnight Mass at the Catholic church last night (after playing a Lutheran service a few hours earlier,) the choir director asked me "And what religion are you?" An honest answer would be "I don't believe any of that nonsense. "

I just don't believe it that a choir director at a Catholic church would demand an answer to "And what religion are you?", when you entered the church to sing a song.

I just don't fucking well believe it.

[BlueStreak]

7. Why is that hard to believe? People ask that all the time.

She wasn't being mean, just presumptuous.

From her standpoint, maybe it never entered her mind that an atheist would go anywhere near a church.

From my standpoint, seems to me that half the people in the church don't honestly believe the doctrine -- especially the Catholic doctrine. But they value the social atmosphere.

[delrem]

5. I come from a very religious family

and I can't say that I ever "believed".
As an adult it boggles me what "believers" say that they believe.

As a young adult I lived for a time amid "believers" of the evangelical kind who explicitly disavowed reason. Good people, but I had to leave because I didn't fit in. I just didn't get it, the speaking in tongues, the interpreting, the belief that believing was all and everything.

Not to say that I don't admire the message of Jesus, albeit when stripped of the "water into wine" miracle stuff. But that's a different thing. Likewise not to say that I wasn't inspired by Thomas Merton and others. I'm just more of a "I should just STFU and sit zazen, if I care so much about my personal living spirit" kind, and a "I should just STFU and be more kindly to people, and quit walking by with eyes averted when I encounter the very poor" kind. All the words in the world, including Merton's, are just so much fluff if not put into action. Not that I actually do those things very much -- but I know that to be *my* failing, *my* weakness, and has nothing whatever to do with any God.

I've never had a problem with religious holidays being religious oriented. That's just the way they are, and people are what they are.

[cbayer]

8. I suspect his story is shared by many.

Well done and I am glad he is finding some peace.