Took me to church...

[onager]

With apologies to Mr. Hozier and his excellent song.

My elderly Mom finagled me into going to church with her this morning. She's the only Mom I have and not getting any younger, so I reluctantly went along with it. Instead of the usual preaching etc., today was given over to a Very Special Xmas Program. Your screams of horror are totally apt...

But first, an hour of her Sunday School class. This was the usual stuff where we learn that the major empires of the Bronze Age were not all that important compared to a bunch of goat-herders with some funny ideas about religion.

I spent most of the time looking over the "study materials." Two things jumped out at me: (1) repeated use of the phrase sanctity of life. Can't imagine what they're talking about with that one...

And (2) use of the phrase "covenant people." Which I have to admit, sounds a lot nicer than the more traditional "Christ-killers." Phrase is also a convenient dog-whistle - Jews were the Old Covenant People, we Xians are the New Covenant People. Etc.

Finally, onto the main event! Emceed by the new preacher. My mother leaned over and whispered grumpily: "I told you he was a clown." Well, a former weight-lifter anyway. So he already had some experience onstage before he switched to the preaching racket.

So we sat thru over an hour of "hip, relevant" singing and dancing by a bunch of the church kids, including skits featuring some dressed as rap artists etc. Hilariously awful. Not the kids themselves, they were doing their best. But the material.

I swear, this stuff MUST be put together and sold by Militant Atheists out to sabotage Xianity completely.

Oh, here's another big local event! Some goofy woman has put together a stage show, featuring the Jesus/Xmas story as told in Beatle songs.

Must write in and remind her that she forgot a few. Like John Lennon's "Ballad of John & Yoko" and especially "Imagine..."

[Cartoonist]

1. Imagine

As you might guess, I get peeved when someone sings that song and omits the relevant parts. They just don't get it.

[Bryce Butler]

5. Like this?

[Cartoonist]

7. Yeah, like that.

If they have a problem with the lyrics, then don't sing the song, there are plenty of others.

[Warpy]

2. Where else are stage struck people going to put on

what my mother looked down her long blue nose and called "amateur theatricals?"

At least with Catholics, there was always early mass: lots of Latin, Catholic aerobics, short sermon, and you were out on your arse. Now it's English instead of Latin, but that's how long it's been since I got dragged to one by well meaning parents Who Didn't Get It.

I think "Cold Turkey" would be a fine addition to a religious program, it's the best way to quit a church (and if they do brunch, one of the prime reasons).

[progressoid]

3. "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"

I believe that was back story behind the Little Drummer Boy.

And of course "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?" was the song Joe was singing on the way to Jerusalem.

[AlbertCat]

9. "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"

I'm sure they worked in "Lady Madonna"....somehow....

I'll bet "Money (That's what I want)" was easy to get in.


And of course:

"Joseph has a barrow in the market place
Mary is a singer in a band...."

But don't say "Obla-dee obla-da!" instead of "Merry Christmas" whatever you do!





P.S. Oh look! My fave version of "Money" by the Flying Lizards (1979 or thereabouts)

&spfreload=10

[Lordquinton]

11. From my childhood

[Curmudgeoness]

4. You did a very good thing for your mother.

I am just glad that it was you and not me. But if my mom was still alive, and wasn't anti-church, I would go with her if she really wanted me to go.

Isn't "sanctity of life" and "covenant" a little much for Sunday School? Are you talking about little kids in Sunday School? (That is what it was when I was a kid.)

I remember those little skits and plays. Ugh.....I would rather have sat through a sermon.

[onager]

6. No, this Sunday School class was for the elderly.

The study material even had a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

And Billy Sunday. One of the original celebri-vangelists.

[Cartoonist]

8. Sundays I remember

In our church, they had several different masses. We had a large congregation, so they had four or five times, one each hour, like at the movies. The regular feature only lasted about 45 minutes, but they had a special High Mass with a full choir that lasted about an hour plus. I never went to that one.

[Warren Stupidity]

10. All my V.O.M. wants me to do is watch horrible sitcom re-runs with her.

It is a long way down from talking about Reading Lolita in Teheran, but it ain't church. In all fairness she can't get out of bed and she is an atheist anyway.