Today is my second birthday since my soul mate died

[rhiannon55]

Last year, I turned 60 one month and three weeks after his sudden death; now it's my birthday again. I'm sure that everyone in this group understands completely when I say there is only one thing I want for my birthday, and it's the one thing that I can't have.

[NYC_SKP]

1. Oh, dear....

No words.

Keeping you in my thoughts today.

[rhiannon55]

4. Thank you, NYC_SKP

I appreciate your warm thoughts.

Off-topic, but the dog in your avatar pic looks just like my dog Sandy.

[NYC_SKP]

5. Avatar dog is Ginny, now living with my very elderly parents.

Would be fun for Sandy and Ginny to have a play day!

[Hoyt]

2. Very sorry.

For what it is worth-- I was in your exact situation 3 years ago. Hit the 60 milestone a few months after my wife passed away unexpectedly. Turned 61, 62, 63 - just existing and getting by - and then met someone special. Not the same, not "better", but special.

I hope you find something special too. In meantime, will be thinking of you.

[rhiannon55]

3. Thank you, Hoyt. Your post is encouraging.

I adored my husband and he adored me. We met late, in our late 30s, and had a fairy tale, happily-ever-after romance that lasted 22 years. Except that no one lives happily EVER after, do they? Death comes eventually, always.

I could never replace my beloved George, nor would I want to, but lately when I look in the mirror, I'm painfully aware that I got old, along with him, while we were busy living our lives together. But I'm really just at the beginning of "old", and I could live another 20 or more years. That sounds like a long time to be alone. It's good to know that there is sometimes life after a spouse's death, even at our age.

[Uben]

6. Yes, life goes on.....

When Carol (my wife) died in February of breast cancer, I thought the world had ended, and in some ways it did. But now, 8 months later, I have found a new love interest and things are a whole lot better. It took another relationship to break out of the funk I was in. Now, instead of thinking so much of my deceased wife, my thoughts are focused more on my new lady and life is much easier. I'm not saying the same will work for you, but it definitely helped me get past the sorrow and tears stage. My wife would have wanted me to do exactly what I have done. We talked about it before her death. Some may think eight months is early to start a new relationship, but I'm telling ya, lonliness sucks big time, and sitting around the house lamenting doesn't do much towards moving on.

Both my mom and step-dad lost their spouses, and they got together about a year after the death of my dad. That gave me some comfort in knowing that one can find happiness again. I also found it helps to be pro-active when getting back into the dating game.
I didn't want to just wait around for something to happen, so I kinda made it happen, and I'm glad I did. I know taking my route may not be for everyone, but it sure got positive results for me. Life IS for the living, and I am sure your spouose would want you to find happiness again. WHo wouldn't want that for someone they love?

Death does come...eventually, to us all. We all get a turn, and when that turn is over, someone else gets a turn, and so on. I do not fear death for it is an inevitability, and I came to terms with my mortality when my wife died. I'll die a happy man when it's my turn to go. I have had a great life, enhanced by two wonderful women and two wonderful children and the greatest parents one could hope for.

And, this new love interest is a bonus! We aren't guaranteed tomorrow....make the best of it while you can. We'll have the memories of our deceased spouses till the day we die, but there is time to create even more wonderful memories in the time we have left. Make it count! I intend to do just that. It's just going to be another chapter in my life.

I sincerely wish you the best and I so hope you, too, can find another slice of happiness before your turn is up.

[rhiannon55]

7. Wow, Uben. You have a great attitude.

Thank you for taking the time to tell me what it's been like for you. I wasn't anywhere near being ready for another romance eight months out. I found I needed to go through the first full year without him, experiencing alone all the seasonal changes and holidays and anniversaries and birthdays, allowing myself to fully feel the awful grief that consumed me. I needed that time for him and for me.

Now it has been a year and seven weeks, and I still don't feel ready for a romance; I am still crazy in love with him--I know it's crazy--and I can't imagine being in love with anyone else. But I'm tired of feeling old and frozen in the past, and it feels like my body has started to awaken from a long sleep. I'm feeling restless and am not sure what to do with these feelings.

I know I'll love my sweet George until the day I die, but I think you're right that he would want me to be happy.

I'm glad you're finding happiness again, Uben. Life really does go on, doesn't it?

[auntAgonist]

8. Would that I could grant wishes ...

Sweet rhiannon, I'm so sorry for your pain today and always.

I hope you can find some reason to celebrate with a heart full of loving memories.

happy birthday ..

aA
kesha

[rhiannon55]

9. Thank you, aA. Thank you for being here

for me and for everyone else in this group. Your kindness and comforting words mean so much, especially since you've been through your own devastating loss. You truly do "pay it forward", and are such an inspiration.

(this is you and me)

(this is all of us in this group)

[LeftTurnOnly]

10. Oh, I am so sorry..

There's not much I can say to comfort, but I can say that no matter what you always have a friend and an e-hug in me and all of your DU friends
Love ya

[MadrasT]

11. I am sorry, special days like this are always harder for some reason.

I have lost 2 people very close to me and birthdays and anniversaries and some holidays are especially sad days for me too. Today is one of those days for me so I am right there with you.

One of those people died 13 years ago and it does hurt less, eventually.

[GreenPartyVoter]

12. *hugest of hugs*

[positiveidea]

13. Absolute hugs to you

Nothing can replace your loss. But the idiom is right, it will get better each day. Spending time with other loved ones is for many, a great way to cope. All the best to you in this difficult time.