Curious how you Women feel about

[Texasgal]

Purity Balls?

http://www.purityball.com/

I'm not against them so much because they are a religious ceremony, the whole saving virginity and remaining pure to your father is what kind of freaks me out.

Is it a good thing? Or is it weird?

[mzteris]

1. creepy as hell and very weird. n/t

[Texasgal]

2. Weird because?

Curious.

[GreenPartyVoter]

21. It's creepy to me because I can't shake the idea of tying a daughter's sexual purity to her Dad. I

would have been so freaked and grossed out if I'd had to do that with my Dad.

[seabeyond]

35. i think at the age they are doing this, the girl walking into puberty, to have a spotlight

on her sexuality with her father, and the whole married thing with a ring type feel is beyond... wrong.

[GreenPartyVoter]

41. Exactly. Just creepy and wrong.

[mzteris]

31. Do you think it normal behavior

To have girls promise their virginity to their dad? To symbolically marry him to save herself for some future asshole to deflower her under the sanctity of marriage?

While society used to put a HUGE premium on virginity and "purity", those are long gone. Except in repressive male dominated fundamentalist religious.communities.

Yep. Creepy and weird. Depraved. Sick. Twisted. How many pedophiles like to hide in churches? How many who beat their wives and children? How many who frequent prostitutes. Have affairs. Remain firmly in the closet in public but are pursuing their true sexuality in private. Those poor little girls.

[seabeyond]

36. to deflower. this has got to go, also.

we have to get beyond the girls sexuality, or woman as "giving" to the man.

[MysticLynx]

44. Fathers and Mothers

Can have a positive influence on young women, helping them to develop a positive self- identity and self confidence which provides them the inner strength to take a stand for what is right for them. But this smacks to me of the old 'women as property' philosophy- which undermines self-confidence and and self identity.

[WCGreen]

3. Does that mean guys who never have sex or don't,you know, choke the chicken...

tickle the Lizard, massage the Ant Eater, bang the boa....

[Texasgal]

4. Ummm whaaa?

I'm not talking about boys, unless they a purity ball I am unaware of?

[WCGreen]

6. I was going on purity balls because it's funny...

But I do know it's dad's taking their daughters to a coming out for virginity ball and that is kind of creepy on many levels.

[Texasgal]

12. I get ya.

You know, now that I think about it why don't moms have purity balls for their sons?

[seabeyond]

13. exactly

i am too tired adn have an awful cold, to post tonight. but... living where i do, i have something to say about this. i will post tomorrow. i am about done in.

[Texasgal]

15. Oh no Sea!

I hope you feel better soon! Something has been going around Austin too.

I am curious as to your thoughts on this. Post when you feel better! Drink some fluids! *hug*

[seabeyond]

17. fluids... good. forgot about that. i need.... lol, all kinds of stuff. thanks. nt

[WCGreen]

24. Yep....

[southernyankeebelle]

8. What in the world does that mean. Never heard of those expressions. Do you mean

Dance the tango around the bed? Just wondering.

[annabanana]

5. Just another patriarchal power play to control women's bodies.

It's kind of talibanesque.

[Texasgal]

10. I agree... It seems popular.

I am just freaked about the saving "virginity" for you dad.

[southernyankeebelle]

7. I don't think they really work that well. I mean when I worked at a civic center where

we had many young people coming in to play all kinds of activities you would see even the young girls like 12 and 13 coming in looking to find boys. We were always on the look out because the building was hugh and 2 floors. We had lots of supervisors around yet you would find young kids behind curtins making out. Once we even found a comdom. That shocked me. Here is what got me. We have a religious evangelica school that are picky who they take. They put alot on the kids and have a hugh fund raiser every year with a big named politican or sports star or coach. Any rate the principal of the school was strick. They didn't have a gym. So once a week they closed the whole gym down so their kids from their school could come over and play. The principal didn't want their kids messing with the "element" she didn't approve of. Well I had a young girl working up at the front desk with me and she told me how this principal's daughter was a whore. I was shocked. She said her mother doesn't even know what she is doing behind her back. Well you can have a the morals you want and teach but if the young woman or man aren't around their parents because they are to busy then maybe this is what happens. I can tell you from my own experience I had great parents and I never wanted to disappoint them. I never experienced sex until I got married. It was just me and how I felt. As I grew older I realized not everyone thinks that way. I don't judge them but I do tell them if your going to play around use protection. Many of the young people I use to work with would talk about the pill. I told them if your playing around and you think you can't have babies you will be in for a big surprise. I tell them to talk to their mother or father. But I do tell them at 15 yr old is way to young to be having sex.

[Texasgal]

14. Great post!

I certainly do not think that a young girl 13, 14, 15 or so on is mature enough for sex. I completely agree with sex education. I saw somewhere ( not sure where) that these purity balls do not prevent teenage sex.

The whole thing is a bit creepy to me too. I just wonder what is a good way to teach young girls about sex? I think it's an important issue.

Good post! Thank you! -

[southernyankeebelle]

19. I don't know about you but my parents never sat me down about the sex talk. Well

my parents had 2 kids late in life. I was 22 and my little sister was 11 (but very mature). My brother was 4 yrs younger. Well my little sister, my twin, my mother and I sat down and we had that sex talk with her. Of course we laughed and got serious also but we had that important talk. Mothers owe it to their daughters to have that talk. Mothers should have it with their sons if the dad won't do it. Boys have to have the same responsibility as girls.

[Texasgal]

20. Good points.

Is it the parents responsibility to discuss sex with their children? What if the parents don't or had no sexual education of their own?

It is my opinion that sex education should be taught in schools. Ofcourse, it's an issue.

The whole purity thing freaks me... I'd love to see a BOYS purity ball... UGH.

Thank you for your response.. It's a good one! -

[appleannie1]

30. I am 69 years old but I could discuss anything with my mother as a young girl. I did the

same thing with all 7 of my kids, boys and girls. All 13 of my grandchildren were born in solid marriages. If you are open and honest with your kids, it works in most cases. If they asked me something I did not know all the facts about, I would go to the library and get books on the subject and we would read and discuss them together. I got strange looks when I asked the librarian for books on venereal diseases but I did not care. None of my kids ever had one and that was what counted. Not one of my 4 girls ever went to a creepy ball. My husband would have felt creepy if I had even suggested it.

[southernyankeebelle]

33. Thank you. I agree that sex education should be taught in class. I think many parents

don't like it because it is in mixed groups. Many they should have it broken down where boys in one class and girls in another, that way neither group would be embrassed to talk about it and the parents would be ok with it. Education on the subject is very important. Education is knowledge and the more knowledge a young person has the better the outcome. Stats have proven it.

[JoeyT]

25. Given the kind of people that engage in purity balls

are also the kind that insist on abstinence only sex-education, not only does it not prevent them having sex, they have the highest pregnancy and STD transmission rates when they do.

[seabeyond]

37. i had a conversation with brother, raising his daughter by himself

who believes in this. i never could get what he was saying.

i tried. i asked questions. i tried to clarify.

his daughter is now 20. he is pretty sure she is having sex. and wanting me to get her on the pill.

he doesnt want to talk to her about it cause all those years it was abstinence until married. now he is in a quandary and wants me to fix it. not gonna be fixed. the girl is opposed to the pill cause it messes with the body.

good job, dad.

but, i did not get his argument. i asked, shouldnt the kids learn about contraceptions? he was so wishy washy in this. info, but not validation.

[BattyDem]

9. Creepy as hell!

I know some men have trouble letting go of the "she's my little girl" thing, but if a man is obsessing over his daughter's virginity to the point where she has to make a public pledge to HIM, that's very disturbing because it's a sexual pledge ... to her FATHER. It's like saying he "owns" her sexuality until he "gives" her to another man. Like I said ... creepy!!

[Texasgal]

16. Oh hey... I hear you!

They even have rings! They dress in "bridal gowns". It is very weird. -

[Smilo]

11. How can this be a good thing?

And how do they know the gals are pure?

Yuk - going to take a bath now.

[Texasgal]

18. That's the thing..

They don't know and it appears that this saving crap dosen't work, the young ladies still have sex.

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. This documentary discusses purity balls in one segment. Worth viewing! I had my

13yo son watch it. He wouldn't watch it with me, but was willing to have a discussion about it later on.

http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=%2Fmovie%3Fv%3D6TsEBgyanb0

[redqueen]

23. Creepy and patriarchal as hell.

The whole thing where you're handed from one man (father) to the next (husband) practically screams 'women as property' (with an intact hymen being her most important characteristic).

To put it bluntly, it's sick. It does nothing to 'protect' these girls. Quite often they simply sleep around having all the oral and anal sex they want, because since they're not being vaginally penetrated, they think it doesn't count as sex somehow.

(This reminds me of a story Miriam Margolyes told on The Graham Norton Show about an experience she had while in college. Quite an amusing anecdote.

[ismnotwasm]

26. Weird

Because of its focus on sex, like there isn't anything else to celebrate or pay attention toin the life of a young girl.

Much better is the Latino celebration of Quinceañera for 15 year old girls, a family and community affair, that's more about coming of age for a young girl, were she is honored and cherished. Mothers and fathers as well as family have a place in this celebration. It's quite the party.

'Purity balls' aren't even a pale imitation.

[JoeyT]

27. The message is pretty much

"Your virginity belongs to you father" it's not only patriarchal, it's creepy beyond belief.

How creepy? This creepy:





Ugh. I apologize to anyone I skeeved out with that.

[eridani]

28. At first I thought that said parity ball

Damn cataracts! Luckily the operation is covered by Medicare

[seabeyond]

38. ha ha.

good luck on that. and yea... the medicare.

[appleannie1]

29. Makes one wonder how much incest goes on in those families.

[Dash87]

32. Creepy!

[seabeyond]

34. anyway... lol, days later. interfering in kids sexuality. i am not talking about educating kids.

but, having raised a couple kids in a sex saturated society, it is hard to find a balance. but... it is important to find that balance.

we have so blurred the line between the adult sex world, and the childs natural exploration of sexuality as their personal journey. we have thrown the adult sex world in their face, before they can even learn the basics and establish a strong healthy foundation. i think it is one of the worst things we are doing to our kids, that will for a lifetime effect their relationships.

stranger danger. i touch kids. i am a touchy person. when kids were younger, i would be involved in their stuff, often, always, knowing the other kids and parents. they also went to a christian private school that shifted to fundie about 2002/2003. i am a calif, and not religious so all this was new to me and a learning experience.

i found that there were a few kids that were so indoctrined with the stranger danger, it was top in their mind that all adults potential pedophiles, even in a very public environment. i found that incredibly sad. my thought always was, it is good to make kids aware, but i never put on "stranger" and i did not give them a lot of the pressure to protect themselves. i was always around. and it was my job to do the protecting.

my kids wanted to do boyscouts. i went to a meeting for the parents. they started telling me about a film us adults needed to watch on child sexual abuse. and then later we would watch with child. then later we would have discussion. it was a really surreal conversation. i started getting uncomfortable, and not much makes me uncomfortable. then they were talking about activities and the top leader came to sit next to me, telling me that teen age boys uncomfortable with girls. so.... they get a girl, with a group of boys, so the boys can get comfortable with girls, play act. all i see in my mind is all these boys swarming the girl and was a huge eeeew. not to mention thinking, co students, friends, mothers, sisters, aunts.... wtf are you talking about. boys get plenty of interaction with girls/women.

i came home and told my hubby.... kids are never to be alone in that troop.

we ended up leaving the school for many reasons, before they got into it.

when we bring too much of sexuality into their world, even for learning, i do not feel it is healthy.

BUT... we so have the job of making kids aware, informed, discussing all the things that are being fed to them in a very unhealthy sexual world at a too early age so they can put it in the right place, in an age appropriate manner.

watching this environment from the earliest ages, one of the things i saw is "we are all sinners". always drilling this into the kids head. they create such an unhealthy "sinner" attitude of so many things which is internalized in a very unhealthy way. that was one of the first things i was fighting, with my youngest. i just knew he would use it as an excuse. couldnt have him thinking "we are all sinners" he had a little devil in him. didnt want him embracing that. so i would act shocked... learning this quote. sinner? YOU? my little angel? all that lite? nah... no sinner in you.

my 17 yr old son and i were discussing one night stands the other day. i do not remember where the subject came up. maybe assange, or something. there is the balance of truth, that one night stands can have issues, but also.... well, reality.

my son started telling me how he felt about them. well, he is 17. he doesnt know. dont make up your mind now. that is something we walk into, and decide with maturity and experience. i told him.... not mine to know. that is all about him, for him to decide, and society, or i do not get a say in it.

we have to stay out of the kids sex life, i believe. give them the foundation, the knowledge, experience, info, reality of today.... but... as a parent it is not our job to participate.

those in this thread said it simply. father ownership to husband ownership. EVERYTHING about that is wrong.

but,.... i am looking more at what happens in the fundie world that messes up the kids experience in sexuality.

ALL that being said.

on the other side, not the fundie world, but the adult sex world that is not of the "we are all sinners" are creating as unhealthy of a sexual journey for our kids as the fundies are. just the other side of the coin.

[CrispyQ]

40. An excellent post.

You hit so many points.

we have so blurred the line between the adult sex world, and the childs natural exploration of sexuality as their personal journey. we have thrown the adult sex world in their face, before they can even learn the basics and establish a strong healthy foundation. i think it is one of the worst things we are doing to our kids, that will for a lifetime effect their relationships.

a few kids that were so indoctrined with the stranger danger, it was top in their mind that all adults potential pedophiles, even in a very public environment. i found that incredibly sad.

I watched one season of Criminal Minds, before I realized how dark it always is. In it, one of the characters commented on the Stranger Danger campaign & how the downside was that most pedophiles are ones your children already know - a neighbor, a relative, someone, basically trusted & unsuspected.

when we bring too much of sexuality into their world, even for learning, i do not feel it is healthy.

BUT... we so have the job of making kids aware, informed, discussing all the things that are being fed to them in a very unhealthy sexual world at a too early age so they can put it in the right place, in an age appropriate manner.

Not enough parents do this. Not enough adults are aware of the constant conditioning that goes on, as they, too, are being conditioned.

watching this environment from the earliest ages, one of the things i saw is "we are all sinners". always drilling this into the kids head. they create such an unhealthy "sinner" attitude of so many things which is internalized in a very unhealthy way.

Seriously! How much more difficult is a good attitude in life, when you are raised that you are bad to begin with?

ALL that being said.

on the other side, not the fundie world, but the adult sex world that is not of the "we are all sinners" are creating as unhealthy of a sexual journey for our kids as the fundies are. just the other side of the coin.

Our culture is a cesspool. I have so much gratitude to the parents and other adults working with our young to counter the conditioning.

[ismnotwasm]

42. Worth the wait sea

Great post. You said you had a cold, hope you're feeing better

[MadrasT]

39. Creepy and CLASSIC example of how the patriarchy is alive and well today

It's all been said in this thread. Father "ownership" of the girl until it's time for husband "ownership" or the woman.

I find it to be horrifying.

Girls and women are not "owned" by anybody. And the fact that they are perpetuating the idea of female sexuality as a tranferrable commodity-- that men have "rights" to own and transfer?

Dear God.

Hell no, I don't fucking THINK so.

[TorchTheWitch]

43. creepy as hell and downright incestuous

"marrying" your DAD until marriage??? GROSS.

I see this as archaic training of young girls to accept being "owned" by their father until they are "owned" by their husband and that their only worth as a human being is a bitty little whisp of skin in their vaginas. It's utterly misogynist and hasn't got squat to do with Chritianity.