'Hey Girls,' is this cyberbullying?

[seabeyond]

There has been much ado about this phrase, and the responses it has sparked. The simple four-pane image of a teen dispensing some unsolicited girl talk has unraveled into a popular meme and, to some, sparked a dangerous new form of cyberbullying. When young girls fight back against the difficult problems of teen sexuality, are they taking action, or heaping shame upon their peers?

A meme is born

Last summer, on June 18, a Tumblr user posted the original four-pane image, seemingly innocuous amongst the typical flotsam of a teenage Tumblr page. Though it was deleted quickly, the picture had struck a chord that no delete button could erase. The "Hey girls, did you know?" picture went viral, and others followed. Some responses attacked the original message, including a popular copy that read, "Girls, did you know that, uhmm, your boobs can go wherever they want. Because it's YOUR body." Thousands of images cropped up on Facebook and Tumblr, ranging from the offensive ("Open books, not legs&quot to the frustrated ("Hey girls, did you know? These pictures are really annoying.&quot That's the thing about memes. They never die, they simply evolve, folding over and into themselves in never-ending mutations and exchanges.

Slut-shaming?

For those unfamiliar with the term, "slut-shaming" is a rather jarring umbrella term for any words or actions that seek to put down or guilt women and girls who, in some general court of opinion, act in perceived "slutty" or "promiscuous" ways. Rush Limbaugh chastising Sandra Fluke over issues of birth control? Slut-shaming. An Instagram question from Sweden asking for all "sluts" to be identified? Slut-shaming. And now, the once-innocuous picture of a girl advising other girls to cover up ranks among them.

*

One could take the talk of covering boobs and closing legs as a sort of amplified counter-attack waged by young girls on typical perceptions of teen sexuality. After all, what other point in life is so critical, so hyper-sensitive to ideas of love and like, of friendship and belonging and childhood blending uncomfortably into adulthood? On social platforms that so easily magnify every message, what one teen thinks is an empowering, or at least defiant statement against "society's expectations" can easily morph into a monster of accusations and guilt, and invite themes far darker than the original intention. On the other hand, insecurity, jealousy and typical teen politics could lead some young women to lash out at other young women, the "sluts" and "hoes" that could be faceless "others" as much as they could be actual people.


http://www.hlntv.com/slideshow/2013/01/09/hey-girls-did-you-know-slut-shaming-bullying?hpt=hp_bn15

[Buzz Clik]

1. No.

It's voicing an opinion that sparks a reaction from those who don't buy into the message.

I cannot see how a four-frame picture posted in cyber space directed at no one in particular can be perceived as bullying.

If, however, this meme was pasted to your Facebook page or sent as an email to you by someone trying to make a point, then it could be bullying.

[redqueen]

2. What Buzz Clik said re: bullying.

And OMFG how I wish people would stop using "slut shaming"... there is NO SUCH THING as a SLUT!



Feminists, STOP BUYING INTO THE LANGUAGE THAT MAINTAINS YOUR OPPRESSION FOR FUCKING FUCK'S SAKE!

Ugh, sorry, but seriously, WTF!


As for the idea that anyone thinks they have the right to lecture girls on their bodies, well... patriarchy!

It says so much that these 'well meaning' advice dispensers don't address anything but girls' behavior, doesn't it?

Nothing about social realities, or being judged... both sides claim to have girls' best interests at heart, but instead of educating they just hand out rules. SHOW YOUR BOOBS IF YOU WANT! or DON'T OBJECTIFY YOURSELF!

Meanwhile the critical analysis of WHY either idea has merit is ignored. Ay ay ay.


Here's the logical advice, IMNSHO: "Your body is your own. You can dress how you want (as an adult! as a kid, parents still have a right to set rules but, you know, forbidden fruit, so be careful parents! they can and will change after you're not around to see if they want!)... anyway yes, you can do that... BUT! The way you're viewed by others DOES influence how they will treat you. Some may treat you with less respect, and some may feel RIGHTEOUS about being so unfair, because in their mind, they see you as not respecting yourself (this doesn't just apply to clothes, either, many people take that view of others based on all kinds of behaviors - fat shaming, anyone?)

ALSO, boys may decide that you are there for their amusement/entertainment/that you are asking for a certain kind of attention. This isn't right for them to do, but they think it is, and those kinds of boys WILL ACT ACCORDINGLY TOWARDS YOU! So be aware of what kind of energy or feedback you may attract. We haven't quite smashed the patriarchy, yet, you know? (Yeah, not by a LONG fucking shot.)

Anyway... so yeah, dress how you want, but just know that where women's bodies are concerned, once you walk out that door, it becomes a matter for THE WHOLE OF SOCIETY to judge you on, because PATRIARCHY."

[seabeyond]

3. "Meanwhile the critical analysis of WHY either idea has merit is ignored." kick ass post.

ALL of your post is kick ass. you hit on so many really relevant points.

thank you

[ismnotwasm]

5. Young women are receiving interesting messages

The term 'Slut' is jarring to me, and whether its slut-shaming or slut walks, I don't think the word can be reclaimed; it's whole purpose is to degrade female sexuality. That doesn't mean I'm going to lecture a young feminist who tells me she is participating in a slut-walk.

I don't think it's cyber-bulling, I think it's telling of the power of patriarchy that this is even a 'thing'

One thing about social media; it's also a place to discover feminism. Epiphanies like this are powerful stuff.

I Am Digging Up The Desecrated Corpse Of Feminism

He says, “I like your friend, but she’s a real cunt.”

We are standing outside of a “trendy” bar in Nashville. There are drinks named after David Lynch films and most of the patrons are young, well-dressed “hip” types. This is ten minutes from a major hospital and university.

It’s probably okay, right? I mean, I’m not Liz Lemon. People who aren’t sexists say cunt all the time ‘in jest’ and I’ve never had a problem with it before. Still, there is something about the way he says it that is a problem, or seems to indicate one.

I ask him what he means. He explains that she doesn’t have manners, that, he guesses, this is probably because girls who aren’t from here don’t have manners. He shrugs and walks back inside the bar.

When Neha comes out of the bathroom, I recount this to her. Driving away, we laugh at first but quickly decide that we are a bit offended. She reveals that earlier he called me a rich bitch. Maybe we deserve it. Maybe we should have dressed less formally or spoken only to each other. Maybe, she suggests, we just don’t come off as “nice girls.”

What was said left a bad taste in my mouth. A few days later he made a comment on my Facebook insinuating that I was “easy.” I wish he had said something more overt and terrible. I wish he had told me women are to be seen and not heard, or pulled out the knife he had once touched my back with to indicate flirtation.

But he didn’t, so I am left only with the inexorable frustration of being looked at and spoken to and offended by this chauvinistic dirt bag in a manner I cannot fully do justice to using language, and the fear that by trying to do so I will only come off as overwrought or dramatic, falling further into the very same disturbing stereotypes of young women that I am trying to overcome by articulating them.

In that moment though, as trite as it may sound, I realized that feminism cannot be dead, because, as long as there are people like this, people like “him” and the networks of those seemingly more reasonable, pacifying types surrounding “him” who excuse inexcusable behavior, dismiss harassment, ignore misogynistic comments, and treat chauvinistic attitudes with levity, the survival of feminism is not only crucial, but ethically required of us as a culture.

I am a human but I am also a feminist. I am a feminist because not being a feminist is not merely a circumstantial choice or preference: it is a moral flaw. I know this now. I don’t listen to riot grrl music or practice particularly esoteric sexual behavior. I wear dresses everyday and am compelled to learn how to dance. I try to feel pretty almost all of the time, and part of me always believes that if I lose fifteen pounds I will be, not only a more beautiful, but also a happier person.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/i-am-digging-up-the-desecrated-corpse-of-feminism/

[seabeyond]

6. first, i agree

The term 'Slut' is jarring to me, and whether its slut-shaming or slut walks, I don't think the word can be reclaimed; it's whole purpose is to degrade female sexuality. That doesn't mean I'm going to lecture a young feminist who tells me she is participating in a slut-walk.

i cant use it either. in past, but not anymore the more i hear we are suppose to own it and the more i see boys and men use it as a weapon. i may not lecture, but, i will certainly say why i do not like the name.

This is to say that there have been many times in my life in which it would have been far easier to be the kind of girl who spoke scarcely or flirtatiously and felt at ease with the opposite sex without being engaged in banter or discussion. Though I have encountered many girls that I perceived this way and even secretly envied them, I have never thought myself capable of being among them. I am just too self-aware, too incapable of small talk or polite silence, too compelled to say the wrong things.

so so so me. lol. to all our trepidation.

But that isn’t everything. I am damn smart and I am pursuing noble purposes: not merely through my actions, but through the use of language. And I refuse to be relegated to an object, sexual conquest or measured in the terms of a gendered stereotype.

I will humbly accept being told to cross my legs and embarrassingly hide my slip if it is showing, but I will not be told when I can speak for myself or accept being scared off by the implication of a physical threat. If you want to call me a cunt or a slut, a little girl or anything else, go ahead, but don’t tell me when or how I am allowed to respond.

i love hearing our young womens voice. very good piece. thanks.